by Philip Kitcher
A Speaker’s Prayer on the Eve of a Compromise
Since I plainly lack talent for wheeling and dealing,
Please be merciful Lord, and dissolve the debt ceiling.
Though the chasm between us continues to widen,
Shed your grace on my marathon sessions with Biden.
Even if they succeed, I shall have to explain
Why I haven’t inflicted the maximum pain.
I’m condemned to the fate each conservative hates,
Going mano-a-mano with Gosar and Gaetz.
Then there’s Marjorie Greene, whom I’ve pledged to adore,
Who will spurn me for breaking the oath that I swore.
Please distract her, dear Lord! Start a nuclear war.