by Julia Griffin

“[Stephanie] Clifford also described her sexual encounters with the businessman, saying … “The sex was nothing crazy. … It was textbook generic. … I can definitely describe his junk perfectly, if I ever have to.”—In Touch magazine

He’d endlessly brag how he looked on a mag—
A regular treat for humanity;
His meanest remarks were directed at sharks:
He hates them (except for Sean Hannity).
Just picture the scene: the sharks on the screen,
With me in the briefest of nighties,
And hot in pursuit, presidential but cute,
Himself, in petite tighty-whities.
It got kind of dark and we watched some more shark:
It never got really much swoonier.
The act was generic (remember, there’s Eric)
Not crazy (but still there’s Don Junior).
He promised I’d be, like, a star on TV,
Then he asked: “Will you sign me a print of you?”
I felt the whole drama just clamoured for karma:
And that’s why I’m giving this interview.