by Ruth S. Baker

“Kit de Waal: ‘As soon as you introduce a talking horse, I’m just not interested’”
—The Guardian

Me too. I always have a groaning fit
When horses talk—I hate the stuff they say;
They’ll trot out some rebarbative cliché
However much their mouths are full of bit.
A yakking horse is always in a snit:
“So you forgot my apple? Call this hay?”
Faster? I’m sorry, am I Whirlaway?”
You know what would be helpful? Learn to sit.”
Yes, nags who nag just gallop on my nerves.
There’s nothing worse than equine têtes-à-têtes;
Horse whispering—God knows what that deserves:
No wonder we get charged so much by vets.
Don’t get me wrong, my horse-love’s tried and tested!
But please, don’t talk. I’m just not interested.