by J.P. Celia

“Ukraine war disrupts the quiet world of chess”
—The New York Times

While cannons kick and convoys trundle on
An army yields, though one of rook and pawn.

by Steven Kent

“Revealed: leading climate research publisher helps fuel oil and gas drilling”
—The Guardian

We have to play the odds the best we can:
Get money from the Left to sound a warning,
Then speak directly to the oil man
And get it from the Right before next morning.

Don’t think that we don’t take a side. We do,
But in the end it all comes down to money
(The green, the beans, the clams, the revenue)
Or we’ll be out of work, and that ain’t funny.

No doubt to you it looks a little strange;
Who knows how long this crisis will outlive us?
Yet we’ll go on promoting climate change
As well as trying to stop it. Please forgive us.

by Marshall Cobb

“Hank the Tank, the giant 500-pound black bear who stands accused
of breaking into over 30 Lake Tahoe-area homes in search of food—
often while the residents are still home—may actually be
a three-bear operation.”
—Los Angeles Magazine

The Ursa Major proved to be
Not just a single bear, but three,
Tres osos snuggled in a cave—
And pizza was the thing they’d crave.

They craved it till they couldn’t wait:
No time to stay and hibernate.
And cutting short their wintry snooze,
They ended up on network news.

The wildlife folks said, “What to do?
Euthanize this gluttonous crew?
But surely folks would raise a stink,
So relocation’s best, we think.”

by Julia Griffin

“California man survives frigid five-hour night swim with a friendly seal as his guide”
—New York Post

Arion had his dolphin,
And Jonah had his whale
(Sufficient to play golf in):
When life blows up a gale,

And every organ shivers
Like splintering enamel,
Hope God, or god, delivers
A friendly ocean mammal.

by Scot Slaby

“With border curbs still in place and Hong Kong considering tough measures
to rein in the Covid surge, life looks better elsewhere.”
—Bloomburg

(with apologies to The Clash)

We Hong Kong expats want to know:
Should we stay or should we go?
Some say lockdown will be fine,
And add it won’t last for all time.
How are we supposed to know?
Should we stay or should we go?

It’s nonstop test, test, test
Since Omicron was not suppressed.
Hong Kong’s closed off, and now we’re stuck.
Few flights depart. We’re out of luck—
Can’t even get into Guangzhou.
Should we stay or should we go?

Should we stay or should we go now?
Should we stay or should we go now?
If we go, that could be wisdom
But if we stay, there’s always dim sum…
So someone tell us, if you know:
Should we stay or should we go?

by Lynn Gilbert

“VW confirms that some ID.4 electric SUVs were lost in infamous cargo ship fire”
—electrek

Your luxury car’s in the drink.
(Some batteries shorted, they think.)
You’ll never say “Howdy”
to your Bentley or Audi
and we’re fathoms deep in red ink.

by Stephen Gold

“Neil Diamond seals gem of a deal for song rights”
—The Times

(To the tune of “I’m a Believer“)

As a boy, great music was the holy grail.
Fortune didn’t matter much to me.
Now I’ve gotten older,
I need more than thanks.
All the best notes, baby, are in banks.
Have you seen this check?
I couldn’t believe it!
There’s not a speck
Of doubt in my mind.
Gotta say: Hey! I’m an achiever
(Got more than Bob I think you’ll find….).

by Julia Griffin

“Edgar Allan Poe’s pocket watch among donations to museum”
—The Guardian

Once within my mournful mansion, while I cursed my choice of scansion
With my face against my pillow and my clothes upon the floor—
While I burrowed, semi-sleeping, suddenly there came a beeping
As of someone smugly cheeping, cheeping like a total bore.
“’Tis some nightmare,” I protested, “’tis 6:30, I am sure!”
Quoth the timepiece: “8:04.”

Then this witchy watch compelling my sad fancy into yelling
By the self-important aspect it rebarbatively wore,
“Though your face be scratched and glassy, thou,” I said, “art bold and brassy;
Would thou wert in Tallahassee and myself in Elsinore!
Do not tell me what your name is, we have not the least rapport.”
Quoth the timepiece: “9:04.”

And that timepiece, eardrum-stinging, still is pinging, still is pinging
On the grimy undergarments that adorn my chamber floor;
And its tone has all the beauty of an owl’s that’s extra-hooty—
Nothing delicate or fluty—and my very brain is sore;
Though I know it’s still 6:30, in a voice I can’t ignore
Quoth the timepiece: “10:04 …”

by Dan Campion

“Tyrannosaurus rex may have been misunderstood”
—CNN

How could you grin that come-on, Rex,
Encouraging my hunch
We’d meet for dinner, drinks, and sex?
You’re having me for lunch.

by Chris O’Carroll

The Ukraine invasion is “genius,”
We hear Putin’s groupie exclaim.
Moreover, it wouldn’t have happened
On his watch, so Biden’s to blame.

by Alex Steelsmith

“Ukraine warns of cyberattacks on banks…”
—Reuters

“One result [of Russia’s attack] would be to push Russia to have closer economic ties to China… ‘Russia is likely to pivot all energy and commodity exports to China’…”
—The New York Times

Jiggery-pokery,
cybersecurity
vulnerabilities
threaten the banks;

geopolitically,
Machiavellian
actors are banking on
Vladimir’s tanks.

by Eddie Aderne

“Reef ball burials: the new trend for becoming ‘coral’ when you die…
Most of the world’s reefs are at risk—from ocean warming and acidification,
pollution and overfishing…”
—The Guardian

Full fathom five please let me lie:
Of my bones be corals built;
Then, I take it, when I die,
I’ll lose this never-ending guilt.

by Steven Kent

“Experience: A Meteorite Crashed On To My Bed”
—The Guardian

I’ve seen some shooting stars in bed—
Come on, you know the feeling!
But this one went straight to my head
(Or tried to) through the ceiling.

by Julia Griffin

“Woman found trapped upside down in chimney rescued in California”
—The Modesto Bee

A woman found trapped upside down
Inside a chimney tickles me
(She’s safe—I’m not that sort of clown),
But less than The Modesto Bee.

Was she embarrassed? Was she warm?
What was the truth behind the hype?
Observers gathered in a swarm
With exegetes of every stripe

Abuzz with questions—what of food?
And what of post-food? Luckily
They cannot voice concerns so crude
And write for The Modesto Bee.

by Kevin Ahern

Thanks to wardens’
Clever scheming
Hikers now
Enjoy free streaming