by Julia Griffin

“When drone footage of the complex of 732 castles appeared online a few years ago, they quickly became
a viral phenomenon: there are dozens of YouTube videos marvelling at the cluster of Disney-like chateaux.
Since then, the mystery of whether they will ever be finished has only deepened.”
—The Guardian

At Burj al Babas, until lately,
The would-be noblesse has been thrilled:
A group with an eye for the stately
Has bought up some landscape to build

A fleet of châteaux, all dead ringers,
Providing north Turkey en masse
With Louis Quatorize-ish humdingers—
Old French with new plumbing. Alas!

Though each of them should be an idyll,
A palace for Bête and for Belle,
For reasons remaining a riddle,
They’re none of them more than a shell,

And all of the money expended
Has vanished as down a crevasse;
And thus very sadly has ended
The promise of Burj al Babas.

What’s more, the whole vista looks comic:
A townful of turrets in rows;
So think of the cost economic,
And ponder, next time you propose

Investing in urban expansion
For luxury housing galore:
If one thing detracts from a mansion
It’s something just like it next door.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Full list of safest countries to go to if World War Three did actually break out”
—The Mirror

I’m away to Switzerland
As soon as there are clashes;
No nukes will fall on Switzerland
’Cos that’s where all the cash is.

by Marshall Begel

“The I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! [Australian TV show] camp is reportedly facing
an unusual challenge with an invasion of [non-native] poisonous toads.”
—Inside News Hub

When Aussies planted sugar cane,
The farmers sent requests
To help their faltering campaign
To rid themselves of pests.

Conscription of their shining knight,
A poison-laden toad,
Did not prove useful as it might
As history has showed.

But after 90 years have passed,
They’ve earned their keep, you see—
They’ve beat a wretched pest at last:
Reality TV.

by Alex Steelsmith

“The oldest known fossil tadpole was a big baby… A newly detailed fossil finding
pushes the record for earliest known tadpoles back an additional 30 million years…
The petrified [fossil] shows that the… characteristics of tadpoles had already
evolved in some of the earliest frogs.”
—Science News

Wiggledy-woggledy
primitive pollywog,
death was apparently
scary for you;

paleontologists
sadly report you were
only a baby, and
petrified too.

by Dan Campion

“Voyager 1 spacecraft phones home with transmitter that hasn’t been used since 1981”
—Space.com

As far as that transmitter knows,
It’s Ronald Reagan’s year
To speak in presidential prose
That soothes the nation’s ear.
Dear NASA, please, for heaven’s sake,
Don’t let it know of MAGA!
Its old, awakened heart may break.
Then, farewell, cosmic saga.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Drunk animals far more common than previously thought, scientists say”
—The Independent

Drunk elephants, well-oiled non-human apes,
Intoxicated pen-tailed tree-shrews, moose
Vamoosing tipsily, and rats who traipse
Erratically on alcoholic juice
Reveal it’s nature’s nature to abhor
Sobriety. This diverse coterie
Evolved a drinking habit long before
Commercial vineyards: drinking had to be
Of some survival benefit … In flies,
The jilted male can drink his sorrows, and
Eggs females lay when drunk stint fewer guys …
Research concludes it’s time to understand,
Inebriation’s not a human trait
Exclusively—all beasts self-medicate!

*Using the alternative pronunciation in both OED and Merriam-Webster

by Bruce Bennett

“This Toad Is So Tiny That They Call It a Flea”
—The New York Times

A “toadlet” the size of an ant
That sounds like a cricket? One can’t
Imagine the sizes
Of Nature’s surprises,
Whether extinct or extant!

by Chris O’Carroll

“The love in that room, it was breathtaking. It was like a lovefest, an absolute lovefest.”
–Donald Trump on his Madison Square Garden rally

He threw some paper towels at Puerto Rico
To offer helpful hurricane relief.
Now MAGA scorns a floating pile of garbage.
Their hate speech lovefest was beyond belief.

One Caribbean island gobbles house pets,
A different “shithole” Trump fans love to hate,
And Puerto Rico merits its own insults
From patriots who make our country great.

by Alex Steelsmith

“Simple test helps gauge signs of aging in people 50 and over… [Those] who can stand on one leg
for 30 seconds are aging gracefully… a new study finds.”
—UPI

Teetering, tottering,
quinquagenarians
ought to start one-legged
balancing? Yup,

those who can master it
biomechanically
incontrovertibly
have a leg up.

by Marshall Begel

“[Pizza Hut] built a diminutive pop-up in New York City to celebrate
the personal pan pizza”
—The Washington Post

Nostalgic folks can get a treat
From when The Hut was boss—
In tiny restaurants, complete
With bland tomato sauce.

The single-seated vinyl booth
And stained-glass logo lights
Return me to my days of youth,
With crushing, lonely nights.

by Steven Kent

“Some MAGA men seem to think women don’t have rights–starting with their wives”
—op-ed in The Guardian

We do our manly duty (please take note)
When ladies look to us to guide their vote.
A choice? A voice? The gentle sex won’t need ’em
As long as we’re right here to fight their for freedom!

by Marshall Begel

“”How many homeowners think their house is haunted? A majority, survey finds…
thanks to eerie things like unusual sounds and flickering lights…”
—Yahoo!News

When someone in a house expires,
Their ghost may linger in its wires
Telling you about their plight
Through flickers of electric light.

Or some may settle in the plumbing,
Banging, rattling or humming
Stories of a troubled spirit,
In hopes someone alive will hear it.

Despite the fuss, I stay undaunted,
Living in a house that’s “haunted.”
I’d rather deal with minor scares
Than face the thought of home repairs.

by Steven Kent

“‘It’s quite galling’: children’s authors frustrated by rise in celebrity-penned titles”
—The Guardian

Keith Richards wrote a children’s book?
That market needs some narrowin’.
His editors took one good look
And laughed, “We spell it heroine.”

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“A quick guide to swing state Michigan”
—BBC

I think I better make it clear
To readers here in the UK,
A swing state in America
Is one which could vote either way.

It doesn’t mean that Michigan
Is where to go on holiday
To meet with other couples who
Are “open-minded,” shall we say.