“‘There’s a trend in New York right now where people are wearing merch: carrying totes
from local delis, hardware stores or their favorite steakhouse…’ It turns out the wholehearted
embrace of cotton totes may actually have created a new problem. An organic cotton tote needs to be
used 20,000 times to offset its overall impact of production.”
—The New York Times
In Brooklyn Heights the height of haute couture includes a cotton tote
with logos from a local shop—
but soon, some say, this fad must stop.
The carbon cost of growing cotton
offsets what gains the world has gotten
from cutting back on cheapo plastic.
Today the true iconoclastic
shopper won’t use bags at all
but just bare arms—although, recall
those local shops whose names adorned
the bags. Must these boutiques be scorned?
No! They’ll be thrilled to offer you
a free, on-brand, bespoke tattoo.
“Paris’ Arc De Triomphe Wrapped In Silver Blue And Red: Christo’s Posthumous Ephemeral Masterpiece” —Forbes
Pourquoi? … We avifauna who reside On L’Arc de Triomphe ask why sleep at home Should be disturbed by scaffolding, applied To wrap our city home in polychrome! Have we not heard it from a little bird Up here, last year, that Christo passed away? Must we, despite that, still endure this herd Of loud disruptive engineers, all day, Unfurling fabric over our high-rise, Surrounding it with silvers, reds and blues? … We birds can drop some hints to teach these guys Respect—for our abode, and right to snooze! … And that’s why, once the wrapping crew are through, Parisian birds rewrap the wrap—in poo!
“I don’t know what showbiz is and I’ve never watched MTV.” —Charlie Watts
He’s drumming now with Elvin Jones,
Max Roach, Art Blakey, Buddy Rich,
In jazz’s blue celestial zones,
And after that unruly hitch
With rock and roll, his grin serene
Syncs with this cool, long-playing scene.
“‘This is manifestly not Saigon’: Blinken defends US mission in Afghanistan … ‘We went into Afghanistan 20 years ago with one mission in mind, and that was to deal with the people who attacked us on 9/11, and that mission has been successful.'” —The Guardian
“It’s manifestly not Saigon,”
Said Blinken, with his blinkers on;
“While that was something of a mess,
This mission’s been a clear success.
A remnant desperate to scram
Evokes no scenes from Vietnam;
They’re newer, if you still need proof,
The helicopters on the roof.”
“A California man has filed a lawsuit after he was injured trying to flee from a bear
that surprised him in a Lake Tahoe dumpster.” —The Guardian
Dear Sir, you’re warned (to give the gist)
To cease and also to desist
And hasten to be reconciled. In re this suit, so rashly filed,
We are reliably advised
Our client was the one surprised
By you when merely looking in Chez Dumpster for an opened tin.
To claim for injuries incurred
By foolish flight is quite absurd:
We may not, should you stay defiant,
Be able to restrain our client
From wielding, in this rightful cause,
The Bears’ Retaliative Clause.
It’s heresy, I say,
Traditions die this way—
We have to take a stand today, my brothers!
No lager, stout, or ale
On tap or by the pail,
vermouth, or gin and tonic, or the others,
Just lemonade and tea
And coffee (whiskey-free)—
We might as well go home, lads, to our mothers!
A year ago, Mei Xiang and Tian Tian’s trysts Produced a little miracle: a son— According to esteemed zoologists, Not one percent of such old couples’ fun Delivers baby giant panda bears! At National Zoo, devoted keepers say This cub is fond of apples and of pears, Unhurried but creative in his play, Remarkably observant, and astute: Not built for muggy metro weather, he Skedaddles for the nearest AC chute On dog days—so he proves himself to be No dummy! … Now it’s time to join DC, Exclaiming: Happy Birthday, Xiao Qi Ji!
“Life coach sent in to calm Wally wars on Scilly isles … Lizzi Larbalestier specialises in helping her clients develop ‘compassion for yourselves, others and the planet’ … [She] was flown in … to keep the peace between Wally the Walrus and some rather irate boatmen“ —The Sunday Times
“Pontoon built to help Wally the walrus rest” —BBC News
Folks, here’s a story ’bout Wally the Walrus:
He had a face quite dour and dol’rous;
He was a rubbery, blubbery male,
And he crashed on boats with the weight of a whale.
Ho-dee ho-dee ho Ho-dee ho-dee ho
Hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi Hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi
Hey-dee hey Hey-dee hey
Whoah Whoah
He messed around near the Isles of Scilly
(It felt like home though not so chilly):
He boarded all the boats he found
’Cause he just loved throwing his weight around.
Hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi [etc.]
Soon the boatmen, turning testier,
Called a lady called Larbalestier,
An arbitrator who taught compassion,
To stop poor Wal from fish-boat-crashin’.
Hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi-dee hi [etc.]
She didn’t offer him gold or palaces,
She didn’t bother with psychoanalysis,
She gave that walrus his own pontoon,
Which saved his hide from a sharp harpoon.