by Alex Steelsmith
“Ukraine warns of cyberattacks on banks…”
—Reuters
“One result [of Russia’s attack] would be to push Russia to have closer economic ties to China… ‘Russia is likely to pivot all energy and commodity exports to China’…”
—The New York Times
Jiggery-pokery,
cybersecurity
vulnerabilities
threaten the banks;
geopolitically,
Machiavellian
actors are banking on
Vladimir’s tanks.
by Eddie Aderne
“Reef ball burials: the new trend for becoming ‘coral’ when you die…
Most of the world’s reefs are at risk—from ocean warming and acidification,
pollution and overfishing…”
—The Guardian
Full fathom five please let me lie:
Of my bones be corals built;
Then, I take it, when I die,
I’ll lose this never-ending guilt.
by Steven Kent
“Experience: A Meteorite Crashed On To My Bed”
—The Guardian
I’ve seen some shooting stars in bed—
Come on, you know the feeling!
But this one went straight to my head
(Or tried to) through the ceiling.
by Julia Griffin
“Woman found trapped upside down in chimney rescued in California”
—The Modesto Bee
A woman found trapped upside down
Inside a chimney tickles me
(She’s safe—I’m not that sort of clown),
But less than The Modesto Bee.
Was she embarrassed? Was she warm?
What was the truth behind the hype?
Observers gathered in a swarm
With exegetes of every stripe
Abuzz with questions—what of food?
And what of post-food? Luckily
They cannot voice concerns so crude
And write for The Modesto Bee.
by Kevin Ahern
Thanks to wardens’
Clever scheming
Hikers now
Enjoy free streaming
by Stephen Gold
“Canadian doctors prescribe national park tickets for health benefits”
—The Times
At 3 o’clock
I saw the Doc,
And told him, “I’m depressed.
I hate my life,
My job, my wife.
No wonder I’m so stressed.”
“I see,” said he.
“It seems to me
That pills won’t do the trick,
But tender care
From God’s fresh air
Will stop you feeling sick.
You can’t just mope.
I won’t soft-soap:
Get up from off your ass.
Go hike and bike—
What’s not to like?
Here, take this mountain pass.”
I bade goodbye.
With weary sigh,
I stepped across the street.
Inside I knew
What I must do,
And where to point my feet.
The great outdoors
Is just for bores.
A better cure by far,
As wise men note,
Runs down the throat.
Hi, from The Hikers’ Bar.
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“Why are Scots having fewer children?”
—Scotland on Sunday
With ever-rising heating bills,
The reason isn’t hard to guess:
We’re having fewer kids because
It’s too damn cold to get undressed.
by Julia Griffin
for Lola Mills Lanou
“New Zealand plays Barry Manilow to repel parliament protesters”
—BBC News
His name was Barry, he was a showman:
He had yellow curly hair and his trousers were aflare;
He sang of Sandra, and also Mandy;
He wrote the songs that once we knew;
Now in 2022,
New Zealand blasts his tunes at anti-vax platoons:
If they counter, they just sound moany,
As he lilts and croons.
At the convoy (co) co-co-co-convoy,
A crowd much too loud for an envoy;
At the convoy (co), co-co-co-convoy,
Rather than Barry they’d take hari kari:
At the convoy they were aghast.
His name was Barry, he was a showman:
He had long been quite uncool but his agent was no fool,
No need for shame now, he’s proved his fame now,
And he’s riding very high
On the peaks of Spotify
While statesmen aim his tracks at grumpy maniacs;
He’s lost his youth but reclaimed his Tony,
And endorsed the vax.
For the convoy (co) co-co-co convoy,
A crowd much too loud for an envoy;
At the convoy (co), co-co-co-convoy,
Though they blockaded, it looks like he made it:
Could this be the magic at last?
by Scot Slaby
Students taught online “could simply walk away from their computers
and not participate in classes…”
—The Coast News Group
With their videos
off, my students are learning
to be here and not
by Bruce Bennett
“What Was Stonehenge For? The Answer Might
Be Simpler Than You Thought.”
—The New York Times
A calculator? Early Lourdes?
A paean to Mother Earth?
No matter. It’s a draw to hordes.
There’s never been a dearth
Of visitors to circulate,
eat sandwiches, and stare
at pillars from some early date
too giant to be there!
by Alex Steelsmith
“India bourse head was a ‘puppet’ of unnamed yogi…
[A] nameless ‘spiritual guru’ in the Himalayas
was influencing key business decisions
at the country’s largest stock exchange.”
—BBC News
Harumy-scarumy,
India’s stock exchange
might have been subject to
volatile swings
during the tenuous
time when the Master was
animatronically
pulling the strings.
by Steve Bremner
“Four years after Parkland school massacre, parents of victims protest and mourn.
Manuel Oliver, father of Parkland shooting victim Joaquin Oliver, displays a banner from a [150-foot]
construction crane near the White House calling on officials to prioritize gun violence
prevention policies.”
—The Washington Post
Warily, scarily,
Bold Mr. Oliver
Scaled the steel ladder in
Spite of his fears,
Uncompromisingly
Telling the president:
Parents serve terms lasting
More than four years.
by Dan Campion
“Republicans expressed unease after Trump’s longtime accounting firm
cut its ties with the former president”
—Business Insider
It’s said that figures don’t tell lies,
But Trump’s can’t be relied on.
And since Mazars has cut its ties,
Some GOP eyes widen
That used to close when he would sneer
And trash the laws and boast.
They see, now, CPA-style clear:
Accountant-less, he’s toast.
by Julia Griffin
“‘Cheese is like heroin’: New York mayor raises eyebrows with drug comparison”
—The Guardian
The eyebrows of New York are raised,
And dropped is its collective chin:
The Mayor has got his people fazed,
Comparing cheese to heroin.
It’s true that both are mostly white,
And execrably over-priced,
But heroin’s a powder (right?),
While cheese, in general, is sliced.
A doctor quickly ascertains
The damage wrought by both of these,
But heroin invades your veins,
While cheese prefers your arteries.
Both dairymen and pushers boast
They have the perfect schoolyard snack,
But heroin’s no good on toast,
And no one orders mac ’n‘ smack.
The Mayor has yet to change his mind.
“Cheese is like heroin!” he states,
And wildly eyes a Stilton rind;
However painfully it grates,
There’s possibly some truth therein,
Allowing this proviso, please:
Cheese, maybe, is like heroin,
But heroin is not like cheese.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Recovering from Covid-19 can be an arduous journey… .
[M]any health experts recommend Yoga and meditation as adjunct therapies
to patients for regaining stamina and speeding up the recovery process.”
—Hindustan Times
Sniffledy snuffledy,
Covid recovery
might be enhanced if you
try this at home:
Think of your malady
monosyllabically.
Never mind Omicron;
simply say Om.