by Chris O’Carroll
“[Soccer] star Megan Rapinoe and actress and producer Priyanka Chopra Jonas are joining
Victoria’s Secret in what the lingerie giant is calling a ‘dramatic shift’ for the brand.”
—BBC News
The lingerie I never buy
Has tried for years to catch my eye
With ads like Playboy videos
(Except for mere, sheer scraps of clothes).
The undies-vending pitch that pays
Has always been about my gaze.
But they have tossed aside my bro-ness.
Rapinoe now and Chopra Jonas
Have more appealing things to say
About how gals look good today.
by Dan Campion
“UFOs could threaten US security, pols say after Capitol Hill briefing”
—New York Post
“Klaatu barada nikto,” pols:
Stand ready with those words;
Real Gorts are out there, not just dolls,
Balloons, drones, clouds, and birds!
Wherever ETs hail from,
We know you’ve got our backs,
And Men in Black will join the scrum
When Gort or Mars attacks.
But if your incantations fail
And black ops get the ax,
Then pass a bill to make Gort quail:
A universal tax.
by Jerome Betts
“The Liberal Democrats have pulled off an extraordinary victory in the Buckinghamshire constituency
of Chesham and Amersham . . . In a shock result, the Lib Dem Sarah Green secured 21,517 votes,
leaving the Conservative Peter Fleet trailing with 13,489 . . . The Green party candidate Carolyne
Culver got 1, 480 votes . . .”
—The Guardian
Yes, cheers loud and hearty
For Sarah Green’s party—
The triumphant poll-topper,
Not the Green party proper.
by Steve Bremner
“According to [Philadelphia Public Health Dept.] officials, 53.8 percent of adults are fully vaccinated,
and 69 percent of adults have gotten at least one dose.”
—Patch.com
“More than half of the [USA’s] population has now received at least one dose of coronavirus vaccine,
according to the latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”
—The Washington Post
“You are not fully vaccinated until 2 weeks after the 2nd dose of a two-dose vaccine…”
—CDC
Jabberty blabberty
Pundits love telling us
How vaccination is
Beating The Beast,
Winning the race by a
Supermajority:
“Most of our runners have
One leg at least.”
by Clyde Always
The latest lab-leak theorist
has recently come out;
of COVID’s hazy origins
he spoke with little doubt.
So who’s this raving, right-wing loon
who mispronounced “Wuhan”—
Shapiro, Jones or Carlson?
Nope: Stewart <comma> Jon.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Unidentified bidder pays $28 million in auction to join Bezos for July space flight… Bezos and his
crewmates will experience about three minutes of weightlessness near the top of the trajectory.”
—CBS
Hiddenly biddenly
Someone Anonymous,
craving a chance to be
physically hurled
into a moment of
nongravitational
bliss, paid a sum that is
out of this world.
by Felicia Nimue Ackerman
“As part of its strategy to vaccinate more of its population, Washington State will allow adults to claim
a free marijuana joint when they receive a Covid-19 vaccination shot.”
—The New York Times
There once was a man named Eugene
Who chose to forgo the vaccine.
Endangering others,
He snapped, “That’s my druthers,
So stuff it and don’t intervene.”
But then he was offered some pot
Contingent on getting the shot.
This highly inventive
And clever incentive
Converted him right on the spot.
by Janice D. Soderling
“Senator Joe Manchin’s push to have the parties work together has become a major obstacle
for Democratic legislation on voting rights and other issues.”
—The New York Times
Joe Manchin seeks consensus
which is surely fine and good
when you’re dealing with a partner
who does what he said he would.
But if “give-and-take” means “our way”
and they often change their tune,
you are dining with the devil,
and should bring a real long spoon.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Have (aliens) Overcome Their Savage Past, or Might They Want to Eat Us?”
—AirSpaceMag.com
“Oreo Has a New UFO-Themed Pack to Extend an Olive Branch to Extraterrestrials.”
—YahooNews
Jeepery creepery,
alien visitors
might want to eat us, so
plan for the worst.
If you’re confronted by
extraterrestrials,
try to appease them with
Oreos first.
by Julia Griffin
“Nailed it: man, 82, builds bench for wife in 30 minutes after council plea ignored
Manuel Souto took matters into own hands to provide resting place for wife on daily walks
in Spanish town”
—The Guardian
O Stranger, toiling down the street:
Respect this rough-and-ready seat
Made manually by Manuel
To help the wife he loves so well.
If you need rest, this is for you,
But let your fellows rest there too.
Time slows the fastest down (although
Beside the council few look slow).
The seat’s his wife’s; he stands, so far,
But none can stay the way they are,
And she and he with love concur:
He shall at last sit down by her.
by Coleman Glenn
“For the first time in the more than 100 years that the National Geographic Society has mapped
the world’s oceans, it will recognize five of them. The organization announced this week that it
will recognize the Southern Ocean, a body of water that encircles Antarctica, as the world’s fifth.”
—The Washington Post
Swirling clockwise, in a motion
Coriolis-forced, this ocean
never stops its eastward rushin’,
unaware of the discussion
that will lead to its promotion—
quite unlike (despite a notion
widely held, which experts, though, shun)
southern loos that AREN’T, when flushin’,
swirling clockwise.
Will its isles (I may be gauche in
asking), due to our devotion
to our fossil fuels, grow lush in
time to see, in repercussion,
ice-melt send us (such commotion!)
swirling clockwise?
by Dan Campion
“Tiny animal survives after 24,000 years frozen in Siberian permafrost: ‘A big step forward’”
—CBS News
Were you a bdelloid rotifer
And frozen like a cod,
A far-flung future researcher
Might cut you from the sod
And warm you up, and there you’d be,
As right as ham and eggs.
But as for “big step”?—don’t blame me—
You haven’t any legs.
by Bruce Bennett
The summer is coming. It’s hot.
The cat is out hunting and got
A vole. All around
The lawnmowers sound.
The Peaceable Kingdom it’s not!
by Paul Lander
It’s so damn hot
I’d hit on Kate Upton
For the cold shoulder
by Julia Griffin
For Tam and Sophie
“Bear found stuck on power pole in southern Arizona city …
Werner Neubauer, a company lineman, said they immediately disabled the power so the animal
would not get electrocuted. Neubauer then went up in a bucket lift and used an 8-foot (2-meter)
fiberglass stick to try to nudge the bear to go down. He even tried talking to it.”
—AP
“Oh bear, permit me please to nudge:
(I would not wish to knock):
For you’ll receive, unless you budge,
A sharp electric shock!”
Though thus the lineman urged, and waved
A stick, of length two meters,
The bear, refusing to be saved,
Replied to all entreaters:
“O humans, cease to trouble me;
I would not be facetious,
But this is quite (a tendency
With all your species) specious.
“Aloft, alone, I’ve settled on
My stationary position
In honor of St. Simeon,
Who fired my life’s ambition;
“And though you may assume a guest
For me’s a social highlight,
Please understand that least is best
For any ursine stylite.
“So please remove yourself—I’ll say
No more, for I’m refined;
Just note, it’s best to go away
Without a bear behind.”
