by Mark Granier
Dear Taliban,
Say something nice to him, pretend you can
pull off some deal, unveil some half-assed plan.
The fact that he’s aggrieved as Caliban
is something you’ve in common. He’s no fan
of what you blew to pieces in Bamyan.
Just make it look as if you and the man
both give the vaguest semblance of a damn
about Afghanistan.
by David Hedges
To people keen on buying cheap,
A sucker is a lollipop.
Like lemmings led to Lover’s Leap,
They hop from shop to shop, to shop.
by James Hamby
We thought we’d never see it,
But now we’ve found the one:
The only firearm they don’t like—
A Trump-held smoking gun!
by Jerome Betts
The leaders of the Conservative and
Labour parties “debated” on television.
Yes, Boris versus Jeremy
At last, put on by ITV!
Their much-hyped meeting, face to face,
Avoided meltdown or disgrace
While showing off their verbal mettle—
But was it merely pot and kettle?
Were there not also in the lists
Invisible ventriloquists
So both mouthed lines that puppeteers
Provided for the public’s ears?
A proxy war, a clever trick—
Yes, Seamus versus Dominic!
by Jan Schreiber
“Louisiana Democrat, Gov. John Bel Edwards
Keeps Seat Despite [. . .]’s Opposition”
– NPR
When his man’s chances seemed to slump,
the Great Pretender thought he’d pump
some air into the sorry chump
and see his polling numbers jump.
Alas, they landed with a thump.
The Governor, though, got a bump,
enough to make his vote-count plump
and sink his rival’s hapless rump.
by Chris O’Carroll
He’s a lieutenant colonel, I hear.
Many have said he’s not patriotic.
I hate a hero in uniform
Who rats me out when I go despotic.
by Dan Campion
“There was one surprising point of fascination among the viewing public: the bow tie worn by George P. Kent, the State Department official in charge of Ukraine.”
—The New York Times
Bill Taylor is Jim Jordan’s “star,”
But George Kent wears the tie
And festive matching pocket square
That hold the nation’s eye.
by David Hedges
Sean Spicer was again all feet
As Dancing with the Stars wore on.
Not unexpectedly, a tweet
Was issued midway by The Don
To boost Sean’s chances in the game.
Apparently the faithful yawned
And Sean was booted off in shame.
Poor Donnie shook his magic wand,
His phone, and wondered how the spell
Was broken: Was the show a sham?
Did Democrats raise holy hell?
Was he betrayed by Lindsey Graham?
by Ruth S. Baker
“What is ‘nunchi’, the Korean secret to happiness?
In a new book, Euny Hong investigates the social ‘art of understanding’ … Koreans don’t say someone has ‘good’ nunchi, but ‘quick’ nunchi—the ability to rapidly process changing social information.”
—The Guardian
What is that prized Korean “nunchi”?
It’s something like an English hunchi:
When things are coming to the crunchi,
Quick nunchi lets you pack a punchi.
by Chris O’Carroll
“Rush $25 or more to defend President Trump and House Conservatives and we’ll send you 3 rolls of our official limited-edition Trump Christmas Wrapping Paper…”
—Republican National Congressional Committee
Trump Christmas Paper is perfect
For wrapping up taxes to hide them,
Or packaging beautiful promises
In boxes with nothing inside them.
by Nora Jay
after Eliot
“A boulder has become a bit of a rock star in Nebraska after an untold number of vehicles crashed on top of it recently, sparking an unexpected fan base.
The rock … has become Omaha’s hottest new tourist attraction thanks to a vibrant Facebook group, Reddit community, and a 5-star Google Maps rating that features photos of cars, trucks, and SUVs wedged on its perch.”
—CNN
Preserve respectful distance!
You’re fast (too fast) approaching
The Rock, whose hard consistence
Resists your crass encroaching.
The Rock predates Nebraska:
It’s not some mushroom newby;
It’s not a multi-tasker,
Nor, motorist, should you be.
by Julia Griffin
“Sea silk: the world’s most exclusive textile is being auctioned this week:
The ultra-rare material made from fibers—byssus—harvested from giant mollusks was once the height of fashion, for items such as the hat going under the hammer in New York”
—The Guardian
From out the ocean’s cool abyss
Ascends the silky byssus
To make a hat which cannot miss:
A marvel for the missus.
No worm’s secretions spark such pride;
No oyster’s are more prayed for;
Those mollusks must be mollified
By what their tresses trade for.
by James Hamby
He helped elect a man to build a wall;
Now Roger Stone will be hemmed in by four.
So here’s to all the jailbirds on Trump’s team—
Let’s hope that soon there will be several more!
by Erika Fine
Impeachment reporting suffuses the news—
Did Trump, in his phone call, abuse and misuse
His power to garner political gain,
As if global affairs were his private domain,
As if monarchy rule were the Founders’ intent,
When instead he is just what they sought to prevent?
by Nina Parmenter
McDonald’s Chief Executive, who is said to have earned over 2000 times the median wage of a McDonald’s worker, has been fired following a relationship with an employee.
We’re drowning our diners in sugar, it seems—
our food is obesity packaged as dreams!
We really don’t mind about that, sir,
it’s only some kids getting fat, sir.
We pledged to help forests! Prevent their demise!
Yet the ash of the Amazon taints our supplies.
We really don’t mind about that, sir,
let Marketing fluff it with chat, sir.
I’m paying myself way too much, say the haters—
two thousand times more than our burger creators!
We really don’t mind about that, sir,
you need that Dior for your cat, sir.
Oh yes, and I had a consensual kiss
in the stationery stores, which was slightly remiss.
We really DO mind about that, sir,
so here are your coat and your hat, sir.