by Julia Griffin

Hark the Herald Angels sing:
Why won’t cling film ever cling?
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
Where’s that aggravating child?
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Who’s allergic to mince pies?
With the angelic host proclaim:
What’s the Vicar’s Christian name?
Hark the Herald Angels sing:
Don’t forget—we need more string!

Hail the Heaven-born Prince of Peace!
Did I write to Henry’s niece?
Light and life to all he brings!
Should I buy some napkin rings?
Mild he lays his glory by,
Could the dog have one mince pie?
Born to raise the sons of earth
Can’t things cost what they are worth?
Hark the Herald Angels sing:
Every year, the self-same thing.

by Chris O’Carroll

That slavery’s a moral outrage, gay sex not so much;
That girls as young as 14 have endured his lustful touch;
That freedom of religion/non-establishment protection
Applies to all faiths equally; that he lost the election.

by Mae Scanlan

The Republican plan is frightful;
Corporations get the bite-ful,
While the middle guy’s screwed, and so
Let it go, let it go, let it go.

Do you think these men of wealth care
That they’re ending needed health care
For the poor? The response is no;
Let it go, let it go, let it go.

If you take time to read small print
You will find many words that inflame,
As the government gives the Mint
To the men at the top of their game.

If you have one ounce of caring
You’ll deplore this bogus sharing.
It’s a job that is known as “snow” –
Let it go, let it go, let it go.

by Julia Griffin

A surgeon has pleaded guilty to marking his initials on the livers of two patients while performing transplant surgery. … The renowned liver, spleen and pancreas surgeon used an argon beam, used to stop livers bleeding during operations and to highlight an area due to be worked on, to sign his initials into the patients’ organs. … The following summer, while an internal disciplinary investigation into his conduct was ongoing, Bramhall tendered his resignation. Speaking to the press at the time, he said marking his initials on to his patients’ livers had been a mistake. —The Guardian 

Of all the surgeries I’ve done
That give me still the shivers,
I think my worst mistake bar none
Was autographing livers.
The disciplinary invest-
Igation (that’s Internal)
Objected, with (among the rest),
The Hepatitis Journal;
But though some clearly were annoyed,
Consider, at this junction,
That it was argon I employed,
Which mars no organ’s function,
And think besides what filthy waste
Goes through those lobes so meaty,
Then tell me truly what’s defaced:
Their guts or my graffiti?

by Susan McLean

Blustery, flustery,
President Tweetybird
thinks his election went
fine, on the whole.

Counterintelligence
isn’t his enemy.
Now we have learned that it’s
simply his goal.

by Mae Scanlan

The State Department’s sinking fast;
It has no sails, it has no mast.
It has no skipper, has no crew,
And no one knows just what to do.
It’s foundered since it left the docks;
Diplomacy is on the rocks.
Now all that’s bad, but here’s the chiller:
Soon, there’s going to be no Tiller.

by Scott Mahler

Judge Roy Moore,
Your excuses are simply a bore.
One thing is clear as your lies unravel:
You wanted to bang more than just your gavel.

by Chris O’Carroll

Dynasty-phantasy,
Saudi Arabia
Frowns on corruption, we
Now come to learn.

This ain’t your grandfather’s
Kleptotheocracy.
This Prince has money and
Cousins to burn.

by Phil Huffy

Matt Lauer pushed a button
to lock his office door.
Siri wouldn’t do it;
she’d heard it all before.

by Bruce McGuffin

They’re giving us trickle-down tax cuts
To fill up the working man’s cup.
But gravity can’t affect money
And somehow it always flows up.

by Charles Ghigna

Garrison Keillor
Liked to feel her.
He thought he was Don Juan.

But he was not,
And he got caught,
And now he’s woe be gone.

by Chris O’Carroll

Plan A, dismiss it as locker room chat.
Plan B, deny that I ever said that.

by Mark Granier

Mueller
the slow, gradual unspooler,
could not be cooler
or crueller.

Sanders
frowns and never meanders
off script, barely holding on by the skin
of her spin.

by Orel Protopopescu

Ryan had a little plan,
little plan, little plan,
Ryan had a little plan
to cut us at the knees.

Everywhere that Congress went,
Congress went, Congress went,
everywhere his Congress went
they lied and shot the breeze.

Why do they love their donors so,
donors so, donors so?
Why do they love their donors so?
bewildered children cried.

Why, it’s their life support you know,
sport, you know, sport, you know?
That’s the only sport they know,
their parents all replied.

by James Hamby

The jig is up, his career is through—
A liar and a traitor, too.
Flynn goaded Hillary with taunts and jeers,
Now “Lock him up!” rings in his ears.