“Pittsburgh is among the best cities in the United States to be a vampire…
The report looked for blood centers, vampire-friendly dwellings like homes with
basements, and warm bodies.”
—CBS
A vampire city? For me, that’s a dud.
I go to bed early and can’t stomach blood.
Those werewolves of London? I’m more into cats.
Besides, have you seen what they’re charging for flats?
A mummy-filled town is where I’d rather go,
With long winter months under mountains of snow.
I’d keep to myself in the Upper Midwest,
And curse anyone interrupting my rest!
“Abet and Aid Punsters Day is celebrated on November 8 every year… Puns have a long history…
for example, the Roman playwright Plautus was famous for his puns and word games.”
—National Today
Cunningly, punningly, Plautus the dramatist,
roundly applauded by
literate nerds,
seriocomically
offers a reader the
words in his plays and the
plays in his words.
“Police: Live cluster bomblet, ammunition found with donation
at southeastern Wisconsin thrift store”
—AP
Could a bomb in a Goodwill donation
Send their customers running amok?
No, I’d say this unique situation
Would have buyers embracing their luck.
It’s with savvy they’d see that this merch is
One heck of a deal to be struck,
‘Cuz the shoppers who jump at this purchase
Would be getting a bang for their buck.
“Britain’s ‘loneliest sheep’ stranded on Scottish cliff for two years”
—Independent
Lest you become the loneliest of sheep On British soil, marooned along a beach, Not able to ascend back up the steep Escarpment you slid down, beyond help’s reach, Lamenting all the lambs you could have had If you had met another on the hill Equipped with what it takes to be a dad, Soliciting canoes for help until The beach runs out and makes you ewe-turn, as Slim hopes of rescue fade, and you’re forlorn … Hear my advice: Don’t be the sheep who has Escaped the shears but rues that she’s unshorn. Ewe, mimic not who’s pining for her flock— Penned in between a hard place and a rock!
“Why are whales throwing seaweed on their heads?”
—BBC
We all like fancy dress at Halloween:
We try the spooky costumes on for size,
Or make one from a sewing magazine,
And hope that our endeavors win a prize.
And whales are just as sociable as us:
They want to get dressed up and be a hit,
But when you’re twice as hefty as a bus,
It’s hard to find a fright wig that’ll fit.
“Millennium Bridge workers hang straw bales after ancient bylaw triggered
Repairs to footbridge mean straw must be dangled to warn oncoming shipping
of work going on beneath”
—The Guardian
To mend this web of tempered steel ignites an ancient law:
It first must be bedecked with bales of cautionary straw.
Oncoming shipping duly warned, discussions now begin:
Exactly which Millennium does London think it’s in?
The odds are good John Eastman‘s getting moody,
Since things look really bad for him and Rudy.
Their fake elector scheme is now on trial,
With Ken and Jenna bound to flip in style:
If “Inmate [X]” is not to be their greeting,
They’ll have to spill the beans about that meeting.
The Kraken was released but had no sting,
So now you’d best believe these birds will sing!
“[N]ever get in harm’s way by enticing or provoking a wild bear [to attack] …
You can run afoul of the law as well as the bears if you get too close and end up
paying a fine.”
—CNN
“Ancient rock carvings revealed by receding Amazon waters amid drought
Human faces and other figures believed to be up to 2,000 years old exposed
as Brazil river level hits record low”
—The Guardian
The change of climate is a curse, no doubt,
But still, there’s something to be said for drought.
Receding waters resurrect such skill:
Behold, the Bronze-Age Banksy of Brazil!
“Fourteen articulated skeletons of men, women and children—two positioned as if they were embracing—
have been found inside one of six cells or side rooms” in the ruins of a 5,000-year-old tomb.
—The Guardian
Two skeletons embrace. It’s an old story.
True love companioned with memento mori.
