“Cascades of red wine flood a city’s streets in Portugal after huge tanks rupture”
—NPR
In quaint São Lourenço, no angels will tread: The streets are all streaming with Portugal Red.
You’d think that the heart of the village had bled, But no! It’s a river of Portugal Red.
The wine, like the story, has steadily spread; Our reading is dripping with Portugal Red;
Levira’s the wellspring, the grand fountainhead Of ruddy and rubicund Portugal Red.
Fly in and mop up what the vintners have shed! Come soak yourself silly in Portugal Red!
Or if you want sherry, try Jerez instead, And skip this importunate Portugal Red.
“Delhi gets cutouts of langurs to ease [rhesus monkey] menace during G20…
[with] ’30 to 40 people’ who mock their sounds to create the impression
that the animals are alive and moving.”
—Reuters
New Delhi is humming! World leaders are coming
And we need to show them our best!
So we are employing the shrill and annoying
To come out and beat on their chest!
If you are so daring, we’ll pay you for scaring
the monkeys we don’t want around.
Hoot loud as you can as you hide the bananas
To make those pests go underground!
When meetings are ended, the primates offended
Can freely return to our streets,
But please stay nearby because tigers aren’t shy
And we’ll need people acting as meats!
“The US Open… was interrupted by climate protesters… with one of the protesters glueing
their feet to the floor of the stands… Chants of ‘Kick them out! Kick them out!’
had rung out across Arthur Ashe Stadium.”
—The Guardian
Frustrated, flustrated
tennis enthusiasts
face a new tactic they’re
quick to condemn:
anti-petroleum
protesters holding the
floor for as long as the
floor’s holding them.
“Pink leather armchairs and bomb-proof floors: inside Kim Jong-un’s armoured train”
—The Guardian
Pink leather furniture and bomb-proof floors!
A mixture every sycophant adores,
While critics might derive a lesson, viz.
How ugly “Barbenheimer” really is.
“New Zealand woman discovers surgical instrument ‘size of a dinner plate’ left in her body
after operation: Woman suffered abdominal pains for 18 months after caesarian section until scan
revealed an ‘Alexis retractor’ had mistakenly been left inside her”
—The Guardian
A medic—a rather bad actor—
Forgot an Alexis retractor
In someone’s C-section,
Escaping detection
Until it had virtually cracked her.
The verdict (it wasn’t redacted)
Condemned what the negligent quack did:
“One purpose of checks is
Detecting Alexis:
Make sure your retractor’s retracted!”
“Kanye West and Bianca Censori may want to rethink their public displays of affection
after wearing out their welcome with a boating company in Venice, Italy. … In the viral images,
West is sitting down with his pants hanging low enough to expose his bare buttocks.
Censori appears to have her head in his lap in a compromising position…”
—Atlanta Black Star
The water taxi ride was fun,
But they blew their chance for another one.
“Society of authors calls use of bad reviews for book blurbs ‘morally questionable'”
—The Guardian
His cover needs a blurb; hey, that’s the biz.
I found a short review, such as it is:
I’ve never read a book like this before.
The author has no insight, wit, or skill.
He fails to form important thoughts and more;
His “best” work yet is still sophomoric swill.
Not great, but let me show you how to share
The fulsome praise that’s neatly hidden there:
I’ve never read a book like this before.
The author has . . . important thoughts and more;
His best work yet. See boys, that’s how it’s done—
I dare you now to write a better one!
“[D]river pulled over with huge African bull riding shotgun in car:
Converted vehicle stopped in Nebraska with gigantic-horned Watusi bovine called Howdy Doody as passenger …
‘The officer wrote him some warnings,’ [police Captain] Reiman told the TV channel.
‘There were some citable issues with that situation.’”
—The Guardian
A bull—an imposing Watusi,
With horns that were quite Dr. Seussy—
Was caught sprawling wide
On the driver’s right side:
A thing no Watusi should do, see?
The officer wrote them some warnings,
As officers do many mornings:
Efficient, prepared,
And entirely unscared
By the prospect of hoofings and hornings.
The bull (he was named Howdy Doody)
Appeared quite embarrassed, or moody:
No bovine would choose
To displace, on the news,
The misfortunes of Donny or Rudy.