“A new app… gives each user a private, Twitter-like social network populated exclusively by chatbots…
SocialAI has you choose what kinds of bots you want to interact with, using categories like supporters,
fans, trolls, ‘brutally honest,’ haters, ‘doomers’ and so forth.”
—Axios
I’m sorry, Gail, I’ve found another friend
to spill my guts to out in cyberspace.
I know we’ve corresponded fifty years,
although we’ve seldom met up face to face.
You’ve been a sounding-board for every whim,
for every heresy and sour complaint.
You’ve fed my ego, heard my woes and rants,
were never bothered that I’m not a saint.
We’ve shared opinions and a lot of laughs.
We’ve moaned the nonsense pols and pundits speak.
You’ve nudged me higher in the poet’s art
with countless words of praise and kind critique.
I’m here to say I’ll trouble you no more
with daily screeds. I leave all that behind.
My bot companions will take over now.
And will I miss you? Damn. I’ve changed my mind!
“At a Remote Scottish Pub, a Pint Worth Hiking 20 Miles” —The New York Times
Across the Scotch Highlands did old Angus roam In search of a pint or some whiskey.
Last call, and now all should be heading for home: “I think I’ll stay here, lads—too risky.
My trek is a long one, and I’m a pit bissed (I mean a bit pissed–I’ve drunk plenty).
This evening’s been one that I wouldn’t have missed; I could stumble one mile, but not twenty!”
“China warns students ‘beautiful women, handsome guys’ could lure them into spying” —Reuters
She mounted the bar stool and slipped me a wink.
Before I could answer, she’d bought me a drink.
I’m usually awkward, a bundle of nerves—
But I was transfixed by those dimples, those curves.
She talked of her passion for dancing all night.
She asked if I doubted there’s love at first sight.
But then came the question that stoked my desire:
“So, how do you feel about… wearing a wire?”
“Mouse crawling out of meal forces plane to make early landing: Rodent posed risk to electrical wiring on Scandinavian Airlines flight from Oslo to Málaga” —The Guardian
Wiring? The story is a mere farrago;
Remember, please, how just last year a plane
Was forcibly diverted to Chicago
Because of missing food. So now again
You’ll grant, I hope, a little understanding
Of how a passenger’s frustration feels.
I forced the plane to make an early landing,
As humans do when cheated of their meals.
“Engineers at NASA have successfully fired up a set of thrusters Voyager 1 hasn’t used in decades…When Voyager 1
lifted off to space on September 5, 1977, no one expected that the probe would still be operating today.” —CNN
Amazing that a spacecraft
should ever fly so far.
I’m sure whoever built it
did not design my car.
“Lib Dem chief whip Wendy Chamberlain mocks [Prime Minister] Sir Keir Starmer’s ‘quite grey’ hair” —The Independent
To ridicule a person ’cos they’re greying,
Or red or blonde or going thin on top,
Is underhand and juvenile and braying—
And look who’s talking, Mrs. Curly-Mop!
“And the audience was absolutely—they went crazy.” —Donald Trump describing a debate that took place without a live audience
They’re eating our pets in Ohio,
And fact-checking my lies isn’t fair.
The audience, they all went crazy
Even though there was nobody there.
Public schools change the sex of our children.
Don’t you dare say my mind is impaired.
I have often heard crowds going crazy,
Like that time there was nobody there.
“California zoo animals returned home after wildfire evacuation… The residents of the Big Bear Alpine zoo [include] rehabilitated animals that are unable to be released into the wild, many of which are elderly and have injuries. … [On Thursday, the director] loaded up an array of birds—cranes, hawks, barn owls and a pelican—and made the winding two-hour drive back to the animals’ mountain home.” —The Guardian
An eagle blinded in one eye;
A fox cub amputee;
A sandhill crane too lame to fly:
Sick, wounded, elderly,
Saved from a fire! The story brings
Balm for mankind’s distress:
A pelican with broken wings,
Back from the wilderness.
“Massachusetts man buys $395,000 house despite warnings it will ‘fall into ocean’ David Moot nabs ‘dream’ Cape Cod home next to eroding cliff in imminent danger of crumbling due to climate crisis” —The Guardian
Your dream may soon become a nightmare if
Your house, however cheap, falls off a cliff—
A cliff which, owing to the climate crisis,
Is dwindling, like the local housing prices.
But whatsoever happens to the planet,
Brave Massachusetts Man stays firm as granite:
He’s moving in! Let’s hope he keeps the joint
For long enough to christen it Moot Point.
“Woman accused of stealing casket with body inside from Las Vegas funeral home… [and] dumping the remains in the process… [T]he body in the casket ended up lying in landscaping in front of the business.” —KLAS
Plundery blundery,
caskets in funeral homes
shouldn’t be stolen, as
everyone knows.
Sometimes, according to
criminological
experts, the body of
evidence shows.
“Trump… said that he had seen stories on TV about pets being eaten…” —The Independent
“There’s a family named Simpson whose kid’s stayed a baby
For 36 years—such a terrible thing!
And a sponge that wears pants! And a frog that can sing!
So I promise you, folks—there’s no if, there’s no maybe—
I’ll end these atrocities once I’m elected:
No clothes will be wasted on sea life again!
Voice lessons will be just for human-type men!
And of course I’ll keep going until we’ve ejected
Those dangerous people—my god, they appall!—
Who have kept their poor daughter so horribly small.”
“Claim unisex police trousers cause squashed testicles” —BBC
A cop is trained to handle situations
With fortitude and zeal and not to grouse,
But how d’you question folk who won’t stop laughing
Because you sound like Mickey bloody Mouse?
