“I’m straight up just saying, we should not have women in combat roles. . . [M]en in those positions are more capable.” —Pete Hegseth, prospective Secretary of Defense
I am the very model of a master of the Pentagon. The war on wokeness is the vital mission I am bent upon. You’ll see me put the kibosh on inclusion and diversity, Insinuating they amount to sexual perversity. In warriors that I command, there is no place for estrogen. Give me a fighting force composed exclusively of manly men. I was a TV talking head who earned a mega-MAGA name. The skills I need to run a war machine are pretty much the same. I fawn upon the tweeter other savvy pols have fawned upon. I am the very model of a master of the Pentagon.
“Crowds flock to quiet street to spot rare bird” —BBC
Shelf, miles from North America, is where Committed British twitchers flocked to catch A sighting, as a songbird that is rare Reviewed its options on its foreign patch: Look here for mates—for other refugees Escaping Trump’s US? Risk flying back, To somewhere south of Florida’s high seas— Though not to Haiti, where there’s too much flak? Advance, to where a songbird wouldn’t freeze— North Africa? Although warm winds invite A scarlet tanager, would lack of trees Give raptors easy pickings for a bite? … Excited twitching never harmed a bird— Remaining Shelf-bound, surely, is preferred!
“A Rural Missouri Town Fights Big Tech, and Itself: Residents of Peculiar battled developers and some of their local officials to keep a giant data center out of their community.” —The New York Times
Let’s hear it for Peculiar. They stood up to Big Tech. They would not just roll over. Instead, they gave them heck!
Now they still have their village. It gives a body joy to know one has a lifestyle that others can’t destroy.
They stood up to Goliath until he stomped away. Now they have what they fought for— at least until that day
When someone schemes to profit and starts to sow new doubt, and they wake up some morning to find they’ve been sold out.
“Universe would die before monkey [or chimpanzee] with keyboard writes Shakespeare, study finds” —The Guardian
A million chimps can type until the world has ceased to be And never pen a Hamlet, Caesar, Lear, or Richard Three. Surprised? I must confess, my friends, I lost the urge to bet On random writing monkeys once I saw the internet.
“When drone footage of the complex of 732 castles appeared online a few years ago, they quickly became a viral phenomenon: there are dozens of YouTube videos marvelling at the cluster of Disney-like chateaux. Since then, the mystery of whether they will ever be finished has only deepened.” —The Guardian
At Burj al Babas, until lately, The would-be noblesse has been thrilled: A group with an eye for the stately Has bought up some landscape to build
A fleet of châteaux, all dead ringers, Providing north Turkey en masse With Louis Quatorize-ish humdingers— Old French with new plumbing. Alas!
Though each of them should be an idyll, A palace for Bête and for Belle, For reasons remaining a riddle, They’re none of them more than a shell,
And all of the money expended Has vanished as down a crevasse; And thus very sadly has ended The promise of Burj al Babas.
What’s more, the whole vista looks comic: A townful of turrets in rows; So think of the cost economic, And ponder, next time you propose
Investing in urban expansion For luxury housing galore: If one thing detracts from a mansion It’s something just like it next door.
“The I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! [Australian TV show] camp is reportedly facing an unusual challenge with an invasion of [non-native] poisonous toads.” —Inside News Hub
When Aussies planted sugar cane, The farmers sent requests To help their faltering campaign To rid themselves of pests.
Conscription of their shining knight, A poison-laden toad, Did not prove useful as it might As history has showed.
But after 90 years have passed, They’ve earned their keep, you see— They’ve beat a wretched pest at last: Reality TV.
“The oldest known fossil tadpole was a big baby… A newly detailed fossil finding pushes the record for earliest known tadpoles back an additional 30 million years… The petrified [fossil] shows that the… characteristics of tadpoles had already evolved in some of the earliest frogs.” —Science News
Wiggledy-woggledy primitive pollywog, death was apparently scary for you;
paleontologists sadly report you were only a baby, and petrified too.
“Voyager 1 spacecraft phones home with transmitter that hasn’t been used since 1981” —Space.com
As far as that transmitter knows, It’s Ronald Reagan’s year To speak in presidential prose That soothes the nation’s ear. Dear NASA, please, for heaven’s sake, Don’t let it know of MAGA! Its old, awakened heart may break. Then, farewell, cosmic saga.
“Drunk animals far more common than previously thought, scientists say” —The Independent
Drunk elephants, well-oiled non-human apes, Intoxicated pen-tailed tree-shrews, moose Vamoosing tipsily, and rats who traipse Erratically on alcoholic juice Reveal it’s nature’s nature to abhor Sobriety. This diverse coterie Evolved a drinking habit long before Commercial vineyards: drinking had to be Of some survival benefit … In flies, The jilted male can drink his sorrows, and Eggs females lay when drunk stint fewer guys … Research concludes it’s time to understand, Inebriation’s not a human trait Exclusively—all beasts self-medicate!
*Using the alternative pronunciation in both OED and Merriam-Webster
“The love in that room, it was breathtaking. It was like a lovefest, an absolute lovefest.” –Donald Trump on his Madison Square Garden rally
He threw some paper towels at Puerto Rico To offer helpful hurricane relief. Now MAGA scorns a floating pile of garbage. Their hate speech lovefest was beyond belief.
One Caribbean island gobbles house pets, A different “shithole” Trump fans love to hate, And Puerto Rico merits its own insults From patriots who make our country great.
“Simple test helps gauge signs of aging in people 50 and over… [Those] who can stand on one leg for 30 seconds are aging gracefully… a new study finds.” —UPI
Teetering, tottering, quinquagenarians ought to start one-legged balancing? Yup,
those who can master it biomechanically incontrovertibly have a leg up.
