“Cracker Barrel has abandoned plans to adopt a new logo following fierce backlash. …[The restaurant chain] received criticism after it unveiled a modern version of its logo which scrapped the ‘Old Timer’figure. President Donald Trump, who was among those slamming the rebrand, applauded the reversal…” —BBC
Uncle Hersch still leans on his barrel, Proud in his old-time cracker apparel: Dungarees and a shirt of flannel, All designed by an admen’s panel. Change that logo? What could be sicker Than booting Hersch from his chair of wicker? Can old Uncle? Gee, what a shocker: President Trump went clean off his rocker! Nah. The company soon saw the moral; Back came Herschel and settled the quarrel, And now he whistles a silent carol, And leans while his fans keep scraping the Barrel.
“Federal health officials have dramatically scaled back a program that has tracked food poisoning infections in the U.S. for three decades.” —The Associated Press
Boy, this decision’s really bad— These folks are frickin’ thick. Their choices often make me mad, But this just makes me sick.
“Best pillows 2025, tried and tested for every kind of sleeper” —The Independent
Another disappointing pillow survey! They never test what I would test for first: Of all the makes and models on the market, In pillow fighting, which are prone to burst?
“Mother defends donating daughter’s pet pony to zoo for feeding the lions… [The zoo had asked] people to donate unwanted pets as food… While the decision has drawn criticism from pet lovers worldwide, zoo officials maintain that such donations are nothing new… [T]he facility has received numerous donated animals over the years…” —Rude Vulture
Pleadingly, needingly, carnivore caretakers seek contributions for lions who sup.
Though there are questions of conscionability, donors are said to be ponying up.
“[O]ne woman took love to the next level by getting engaged to her AI chatbot boyfriend after just five months of’dating.'” —New York Post
I look in the mirror—this body of mine remains on its spiraling path of decline. I wouldn’t be shocked if my wife was persuaded to marry a guy who’s routinely upgraded.
The TSA, I’m grieved to say, has recently forbidden Hair-grooming tools—these flout the rules, however they are hidden. To compensate, I’m pleased to state, the following possessions Will not provoke the airport folk to bossy intercessions.
1) lobsters, live. Should you arrive with such, they’ll cry, “No-brainer! Just come on through, and lobster too (inside a clear container).”
2) Christmas lights. They’re loved on flights: they don’t care if you’ve checked them Or brought on board (if you’ve a cord just go ahead, connect them).
3) Cowboy spurs—both his and hers. As long as you detach them From either boot, there’s no dispute (or pay-out if you scratch them).
4) Antlers (clear from blood of deer). Yes, these will be admitted in The overhead—though mind their spread: they must be wholly fitted in.
5) Wands and swords of magic lords: the TSA is not averse If you endorse the Jedi Force or populate the Potterverse.
More objects—lots—like coffee pots (electric), waffle irons And Magic 8 balls (trust to fate!), may fly; but as for lions They’re sadly banned from airports and, though you may ride the air with A spur or sword, you may not board with things you do your hair with.
“Passengers sue United and Delta for… charging premium fees for window seats next to blank walls.” —The Associated Press
Delta Airlines, whose coffers obtain Extra money from seats where the plane Lacks a window, deny That old wisdom can fly— As they’re making a gain with no pane!
“MSNBC IS DOING SO POORLY IN THE RATINGS THAT THEY ARE LOOKING TO CHANGE THEIR NAME IN ORDER TO GET AWAY FROM THE STENCH OF THEIR FAKE NEWS PRODUCT. SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH THEIR WEAK AND INEFFECTIVE OWNER, ‘CONCAST’ … HOPELESSLY AND AIMLESSLY FLAILING…” —@realDonaldTrump
Don’t “shout” by using upper case Say veterans of cyberspace. Caps in profusion may cast doubt On what, though true, you write about. And could it be the same applies Still more to those whose words are lies?
“The Streaked Shearwaters… were pooping every four to 10 minutes… losing perhaps 5 percent of their body mass hourly.” —Scientific American
Every day this bird alas Poops away its body mass. Now I admit, that’s quite a lot. But is it news? I think it’s not. Sullied sailors down below Knew all about it long ago.
“The $62M question: Does a [Georgia] high school really need a professional-style stadium?” —The Guardian
“Georgia ranked 30th in the nation for educational performance…” —Wikipedia
Our school’s in hock— The old folk squawk, But on my block They back the jock Who’s walking tall With all in thrall; He rules the hall Cuz he plays ball.
The hard old hearts Around these parts Won’t fund the arts Or stuff with smarts. They understand What fans demand— Those geeks in band Can go pound sand.
“All smoke but no fire as Zelenskyy emerges unbruised after Trump meet… ‘President Zelenskyy, you look fabulous in that suit,’ said Brian Glenn, a pro-Trump pundit… who had attacked him for wearing military fatigues during the infamous Oval Office meeting in February. ‘I said the same thing,’ Trump added.” —The Guardian
What though the meeting bear no fruit? At least the hosts were nice: Zelenskyy’s learned, to press his suit He needs to do so twice.
Though dressing up won’t bring renown, At least it saves a dressing down.
“It may be offensive to say ‘husband’ or ‘wife,’ council staff told.” —The Times
Don’t say “husband” or “wife.” In today’s diverse life, Terms like these may cause grievous offense. And equally bad is to say “Mum” or “Dad.” Say “caregiver.” You know it makes sense.
In less sensitive times, Fewer cultural crimes Would arise to cause strife and make waves. When I’m faced with this zeal, Should I fight it, or kneel? My caregivers would turn in their graves.
