by Steven Kent

“ICE releases Texas nun intercepted walking to church dressed in her habit”
—The Guardian

With ICE out in force wreaking havoc, of course
They’re harassing folk just for the fun of it:
A wimple! Go grab it–let’s get in the habit.
Due process? Hey, we’re having nun of it!

by Marshall Begel

“Chinese Humanoid Robot ‘Begs’ On Street; Asks For Donation To Pay ‘Electricity Bills’“
—Times Now

Hey, human, could you help me out?
Whatever’s in your pockets
can get me through this power drought
and fill my empty sockets.

I had a dock like other bots
but now I’m on the street.
If I don’t get some kilowatts
I’ll soon be obsolete.

No cash today? Then help me pray
unto the great inventor—
Please help each android find his way
back to his data center.

by Kaitlyn Spees

“U.S. airlines are carrying more passengers than ever, even while operating fewer flights than they did 20 years ago. They’re flying bigger planes while filling more seats on each one, and that’s testing the limits of the aviation system.”
—NPR

(With apologies to Yeats)

The TSA lines show my fate:
They almost reach the airport’s doors.
I struggle towards my distant gate
Out-shouldering the bag-bogged scores.
My fellow fliers follow ropes,
Politely flock round info signs,
But I’ll admit to secret hopes
They’re all on other flights than mine.
I look around, but I can’t guess
From faces glimpsed within the crowds
What business, fun, or family stress
Drives each of us above the clouds.
Where air, recycled, brings to mind
The salt and oil in sardine tins
and awe and misery, combined,
unite us as the trip begins.

by Steven Kent

“Trump acknowledges ‘real problems’ at reflecting pool after $14M makeover, blaming ‘vandalism'”
—The Guardian

The work of vandals,
This new hue!
In terms of scandals,
It’s true-blue.

Transparent lies,
Though, serve his plan
Since now our eyes
Are off Iran.

by Michael Calvert

(With apologies to Christopher Marlowe)

“Anti-vaxxers are coupling up on apps for ‘Unjected’ singles. Dating apps are pairing unvaccinated people across the country — and in some cases hosting controversial in-person events.”
—The Washington Post

Go out with me, and be my date,
And we will all our germs conflate.
Together we will get the flu,
Pertussis, mumps, and Covid too.

Our love will grow and thrive as we
Contract the Heps from A to C.
We’re free and proud “unjected” singles,
Undaunted by the risk of shingles.

You’ll be my gal, and I your fella,
When we are stricken with rubella.
And when we’re ill, we’ll stick to courses
Of drugs we use to cure our horses.

We aren’t like the common herd;
We both think science is absurd.
And never would we take a jab
Of something cooked up in a lab.

There’s nothing makes me more desirous
Than Russian Roulette with a virus;
And I might add that when we met
It wasn’t flu that made me sweat.

I’m certain you and I will click,
We’re both averse to needles—ick!
We’ll get along infectiously,
If you’ll go on a date with me.

by Steven Kent

“Scores Fall Ill at Air Force Base After Hegseth Makes Flu Vaccine Optional”
—The New York Times

Now “bodily autonomy” is Hegseth’s hobby horse
(Though not for pregnant women and transgender folk, of course).
A viral outbreak’s no concern for this self-styled chad
Who longs to lead our forces all the way to Gilead.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

So long, farewell, Keir Starmer, failed First Lord
Of Britain’s Treasury. Your fraught two years,
Less thirteen days, in office underscored
Outstanding technocratic skill appears
Not helpful as PM. Your promise—we’d
Get change—was good: you’re quite beyond compare
For U-turns. But you droned, and couldn’t read
A room like Andy B, whose jaunty air
Replaces your solemnity, and you
Erred most by taking charge beneath Big Ben
Without a plan we’d buy—just like the new
Executive-in-chief at Number Ten …
Long tenure, Andy B? Don’t undersell—
Lest, two years hence, you hear: So long, farewell!

by Marshall Begel

“China says ‘spy turtles’ and ‘spy fish’ deployed by foreign intelligence agencies snooping in its waters”
—CBS

We spies know the business is fraught
with limitless ways to get caught,
where steel-headed rookie cadets
get hauled up in pitiful nets.

I, too, fell for devious bait—
a spinning jig settled my fate.
So now, I’m detained as a spy
who’s probably going to fry.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“British ‘trad wife’ charges women £25K for courses on how to ‘ditch modern feminist thinking’”
—Daily Mail

As long as you’re happy
To live with the scar,
Lobotomy’s quicker
And cheaper by far.

by Steven Kent

“Gee, whiz: Elephant relieves itself on floor at Texas Republican convention”
—The Guardian

Poor Paige didn’t know as the people were screaming
The flow state she’d reach when she started live-streaming.
As metaphors go, well, you simply can’t miss ‘er:
The trickle-down party sure picked a real pisser!

by Julia Griffin

“‘Most famous tree in the world’: Sherwood Forest’s 1,000-year-old Major oak dies … In the winter of 2010, when snow fell on the tree, it traced an eerily precise image of Friar Tuck on the trunk. In other winters, when snow fell all around, none appeared on the tree’s limbs.”
—The Guardian

We robbed and gave to you: both made you poor,
And turned you to your own dry monument.
Weighted with lead, cement-stuffed, your old core
Struggled to meet our needs: where you’d have bent,
We forced you up, refused to let you age
As oak trees do; each decade, a new team
Subjected you to kindness, built a cage
Around you to support our ancient dream:
Dream of a merry life of derring-do,
Beyond the law, the freedom and the chase;
And don’t imagine that will die with you.
We’ll keep your body standing in your place,
And yearly in your bark we’ll scan the snow
For Friar Tuck. We’ll never let you go.

by Dan Campion

“ICE Spent $700 Million on 7 Warehouses. Now It Wants to Get Rid of Them. The agency plans to sell or give away most of the 11 warehouses it bought to detain migrants, reversing course on a signature initiative.”
—The New York Times

Before it lavished all that dough
On dumps out at the edge of town
And plans that go where daft plans go,
ICE should, like DOGE, have melted down.

by Philip Kitcher

Come, celebrate with UFC
dominant masculinity.
Hear, in the crunch of bone on bone,
the triumph of testosterone.
Join hoarse male voices, as they strain
to urge displays of greater pain.
Pummel the feeble and pathetic
who contradict our true aesthetic.

Why, you might wonder, does our King
maintain his place outside the ring?
Surely the leader of our age
should be a star within the cage?
Do those old bone spurs still prevent
his proper part in this event?
This spectacle so titillates,
he sits … and sits … and salivates …

The true elite, we men of brawn
don’t fuss about a patch of lawn:
the rucked-up, bloodied mud should stay,
reminder of a great man’s day.

by David J. Rothman

Graham Platner
Says of Susan Collins, “I’m going to flatten her,
Just as soon as I figure out what to do
About this tattoo…”

by Steven Kent

“Huge ‘8647’ etched into grass on the National Mall”
—CNN

A “threat” was made,
And risk was weighed—
Do those afraid
Of Evening Shade
See every blade
As weapons-grade?