by Dan Campion

“Rampant Groundwater Pumping Has Changed the Tilt of Earth’s Axis”
—Scientific American

I knew the whiskey in my glass
Could knock the world askew,
But never guessed the displaced mass
Of water there could, too.

by Paul Lander

Hey, Kardashians
Time for the NBA draft
Or, for you, “Tinder.”

by Alex Steelsmith

“Russia can’t really fight Ukraine at night because Moscow’s military is so broke
and degraded it can’t afford night-vision gear for its troops”
—Business Insider

Fiscally riskily,
Russia’s economy
can’t afford goggles that
work as they should.

Old-fashioned eyewear that’s
nonoperational
alters perception; the
optics aren’t good.

by Philip Kitcher

“Boris Johnson failed to inform watchdog over new Daily Mail column.”
—The Telegraph

He thought dispensing falsehoods wouldn’t matter:
to woo an audience, you make them laugh;
Homeric quotes lend class to gloss your tale.

Hyperion’s turned out to be a satyr;
descending from the Times and Telegraph,
he scribbles columns for … the Daily Mail.

by Steven Kent

“Daniel Ellsberg, Pentagon Papers whistleblower, dies aged 92”
—The Guardian

Dan Ellsberg slayed a dragon in his youth,
One arrow in his quiver: simple truth.
We learned at last how long our leaders lied
When their sons weren’t the ones who fought and died.

by Clyde Always

“Doctors in Sri Lanka remove ‘world’s largest’ kidney stone…”
—New York Post

A kidney stone 28 ounces in mass?
Hard pass.

by Alex Steelsmith

“A man in China ended up in a legal battle after walking out on a blind date
who expected him to pay for her and 23 of her relatives… [T]he woman’s family ordered
a significant amount of expensive cigarettes and premium alcoholic beverages…
amounting to nearly 20,000 yuan (approximately $2,812)… ”
—Yahoo News

Fatefully, datefully,
one hapless bachelor,
hoping that romance would
be in the air,

blindly promoting his
eligibility,
wasn’t expecting a
family affair.

Piggily, swiggily,
twenty-three relatives
sneered when he asked if the
date was a con,

“No one is treating you
opportunistically.
Why would you think we’d be
putting yuan?”

by Marshall Begel

“[Vacant] Oklahoma High School Lists for $60K as a Single Family Home”
—Architectural Digest

You bought the home you’ve dreamed of all these years.
For that you ought to be congratulated!
Admittedly, those dreams pertained to fears
Of learning that you never graduated.

by Jerome Betts

“He misled the house on an issue of the greatest importance
to the House and to the public, and did so repeatedly…”
—From the Committee of Privileges Report on Boris Johnson

Well done the nine, the C. of P.,
Reporting on ex-PM, B.,
Who stands exposed for all to see.

At Number 10, once snug inside,
He partied while so many died,
Then in the Commons lied and lied.

And yet he’s free to joke and jog
And lap up plaudits from Rees-Mogg,
His brown-nosed, slime-tongued running dog.

The party’s broken, mend who can!
But still, though Sunak’s not the man,
One turd, for now, is down the pan.

by Bob McKenty

On June 21st
Summer is icumen in.
Lhude sing cuckoo haiku.

by Stephen Gold

“The first recorded virgin birth by a crocodile…”
—The Times

(With apologies to Lewis Carroll)

How doth the little crocodile
Give birth without a mate?
Just let us contemplate awhile
How she achieved this state.

For as she’s proved to everyone
(Which has to be admired),
When women want to get stuff done,
A man is not required.

by Julia Griffin

“Astrud Gilberto, bossa nova singer of The Girl from Ipanema, dies aged 83
Singer had no previous recording experience when she sang a defining song of Brazilian culture in 1963”
—The Guardian

Cool and cute señora Gilberto
Has left her shy amante half-muerto,
He grieves her passing,
And marks her passing with “Ah!”

Ah, but he’s brooding morosely;
Now bossa nova looks vieja;
Still, when he ponders more closely
Over black and white pics of Ms G,
He fancies it’s still ’63;

Then once more he’s there surveying
That cool, cute girl still swinging and swaying,
And though she’s passed he can smile,
Though she doesn’t see,
She just doesn’t see …

by Steven Kent

“Customer orders chicken sandwich before trying to rob Nashville McDonald’s, police say”
—WSMV

I’ll take some fries, a Big Mac, chicken too,
A Coke, I guess, and one more thing from you:
Just crack the drawer and give me all that dough!
Oh, by the way, this order is to go.

by Clyde Always

“A Georgia man was so unhappy with his 6-foot frame that he spent more than $100,000
on a Turkish leg-lengthening surgery to add 7 inches to his height.”
—New York Post

Stumpity-lumpity,
leg-stretching surgery
boosts one in stature? To
this, I retort:

any procedure so
uneconomical
must leave you feeling a
tiny bit short.

by Bruce Bennett

“While there isn’t a sizable nudist population in the City of Brotherly Love,
full public nudity is allowed in Philly—as long as you aren’t being ‘lewd.'”
—lawnstarter.com newsletter

In Philly you can venture nude,
“as long as you aren’t being ‘lewd,’”

So doff your duds and have a party!
If questioned, say you’re being “arty,”

Since why should anyone oppose
such freedom? Everybody knows

Philly’s the Birthplace of our Nation.
You won’t be taken to the station,

But if you are, just shout, “For shame!
We doffed our duds in Freedom’s Name.”