by Steven Urquhart Bell

“When is it too cold to walk your dog?”
—The Independent

It does a pee
Against a tree
And yelps a plea
To snap it free.

by Julia Griffin

“The annual No Trousers Tube Ride event has returned in colourful fashion as people stripped
down to their underwear and hopped on the London Underground.”
—The Guardian

The annual No Trousers Tube Ride
Is booming as never before!
Don’t stand there and blush like a new bride:
Just push those bare legs through the door!
The suavest, most chic city slickers,
The veriest bumpkin and rube
Are stripping to long johns and knickers
And hopping half-nude on the Tube!

The yearly untrousered commuting
Gives joy to the brightest and best,
From Cockfosters southwards to Tooting,
From Barking to Slough in the west.
We gape at the garters some slyboots
Is flourishing, pert and overt:
(It’s not thought the thing to wear thigh boots,
Or even a scrap of a skirt).

The trouserless troglodyte transport
Cares nothing for sleet or for snow:
The feet of each woman and man sport
Wet socks with a vaporous glow.
What brainwave could serve as a segue?
What vision could match it in pride?
It’s making such headway, such legway,
This rousing, no-trousering ride!

by Clyde Always

“Male stripper reveals ‘crazy’ cheating trend for brides…’”
—New York Post

Tell me, My Darling, I’m dying to know:
how did your bachelorette party go?
All innocent fun with the ladies, I swear!
They gave me a sash and tiara to wear.
We nibbled hors d’ oeuvres and went light on the sauce.
You play any games?
A little ring toss…

—The Times

by Stephen Gold

Of course I called a handy guy
To straighten up this shelf.
I’m highly skilled in DIY:
That’s “Don’t Involve Yourself.”

by Neil Doherty

“Pluto May Have Captured Its Biggest Moon [Charon] After an Ancient Dance and Kiss…
Some 4.5 billion years ago, the dwarf planet Pluto was suddenly joined by a companion. For a very brief period … they danced … before gently separating…”
—The New York Times

Pluto’s face as rough as bricks,
Charon left him for the Styx.
Burma-Shave

Said he’d had enough of spooning,
Turned his back and started mooning.
Burma-Shave

When first kisses are abrasive,
Lovers tend to be evasive.
Burma-Shave

by Marshall Begel

“‘How long can you stare at your wife?’: L&T chairman says he wants employees
to work on Sunday too”
—Hindustan Times

As I explore the boundless realms
Contained within your eyes,
My fascination overwhelms,
but comes as no surprise—

For ever since the day we wed,
I’ve reveled in your beauty.
To know each hair upon your head
Became my sacred duty.

The curves along your nimble hand
Can drive a man berserk…

Well, that’s as much as I can stand,
So now, I’m off to work.

by Paul Lander

Trump loyalty vows.
If they’re like his wedding vows?
Worthless as Trump Steaks.

by Brian Allgar

“Steve Bannon condemns Elon Musk as ‘racist’ and ‘truly evil'”
—The Guardian

For once, I’m in agreement with Steve Bannon:
He says that Musk is evil through and through,
A racist, egomaniac loose cannon …
The problem is, Steve Bannon’s evil too.

by Paul Lander
(in Los Angeles)

I went to the gym
Drove by. Building still standing
Resolution kept

by Clyde Always

“Cowboys kicker Brandon Aubrey apologizes to cheerleader for drilling her in the head with ball”
—New York Post

Whumpity-thumpity,
NFL cheerleader,
brutally beaned with a
ball from the back,

might have the power of
invincibility.
How’d she survive? That’s a
tough nut to crack!

by Felicia Nimue Ackerman

“The Common Good Awards 2025 are to businesses that “inspire philanthropy …
by encouraging staff to go into the community to help people in need.”
—Rhode Island Monthly

If your company is steering,
Then there’s ample room for doubt
That you’re truly volunteering—
What’s the cost of opting out?

by Dan Campion

“Carbon atoms in our bodies travelled galaxies before returning on cosmic ‘conveyor belt’”
—Manchester Evening News

Not only are we “star stuff” but
We’re mass-produced, like cars!
No wonder we find every rut,
And each new speed bump jars.
We’re quarried, sorted, sifted fine.
“Conveyor belts” come next;
We’re then assembled on the line.
Born instantly perplexed,
We roll down on the avenue,
Run into scrapes and jams,
And get recycled, when we’re through,
As future models’ prams.
From Henry Fords to Adam Smiths
To Ra hand-crafting pharaohs,
Our atoms circulate like myths
And rocket like Pierce-Arrows.

by Alex Steelsmith

“Dark Energy May Not Exist. … The truth could be much stranger—
bubbles of space where time passes at drastically different rates. …
‘Dark energy is a misidentification […],’ says [physicist] David Wiltshire.”
—Science Alert

Abracadabraca,
famous dark energy
might not exist? It’s a
cryptic remark,

leaving the rest of us
non-astrophysicists
semi-ironically
still in the dark.

by Marshall Begel

“Can God speak through A.I.?”
—The New York Times

Can AI see inside your heart
(Despite the cynical facade),
And find the basis to impart
Advice of an omniscient god?

With access to the internet,
This sage is sure to utilize
The tales of triumph and regret
We prized enough to digitize.

But don’t expect this techno-savior
To make us heathens more devout
By mimicking online behavior
Where garbage in yields garbage out.

by Stephen Gold

“[Swedish] men are sadder when their wives earn more, study finds”
—The Times

It’s just sickening to see
That my wife earns more than me,
How it makes me feel inadequate and small.
To a modern macho male
It’s a monumental fail,
When a guy brings home less bacon than his doll.

Size does matter, that’s a fact.
I deplore her lack of tact,
As she shamelessly ascends the greasy pole.
Can’t she see how I’m depressed
That she wants to be the best?
It’s distressing that she doesn’t know her role.

As I waste away my days,
With no prospect of a raise,
I reflect on the unfairnesses of life.
In the whole of Scandinavia,
Ain’t nobody gonna save ya
From the sorrows of a high-achieving wife.