by Dan Campion
“Proposed spacecraft could carry up to 2,400 people on a one-way trip
to the nearest star system, Alpha Centauri”
—Live Science
The trip would take four hundred years,
And at the end’s a planet
That may sustain life, it appears.
Good luck to those who man it,
The ship they’ve named the Chrysalis.
I hope that when they scan it
The planet proves an isle of bliss
And butterfly wings fan it.
by Clyde Always
“Naked man wearing only balaclava and plastic clogs—and carrying sex toy on a stick—
terrifies European tourists [in Slovakia]”
—New York Post
“Naked man in gimp mask caught on bizarre video prowling quiet town [in England]”
—New York Post
In two distinct cases
a mask-wearing outlaw
was spotted. One slinks
and the other one struts.
If asked what the photos
of both of these fugitives
clearly expose, I would
answer: they’re nuts.
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“‘Richard Osman made £10m, I made £250’: The money novelists really make”
—The i Paper
Instead of spending ages writing novels
For hardly any money, why not rhyme?
There isn’t any money in it either,
But poems take a fraction of the time.
by Timothy Steele
Such innocence! Our Age of Dread
Would sink poor Lucy in a trice.
Her hair would damn her as a Red
And Ricky would be seized by ICE.
by Barbara Loots
“‘Dodgy looking’ clip of Trump playing golf in Scotland sparks cheating debate”
—The Guardian
“The president has been accused of cheating relentlessly at his favorite pastime…”
—The Daily Beast
Where is the prez while democracy dies?
Out on the golf course improving his lies.
His score’s always lower than most other folks’.
He pardons himself quite a number of strokes.
“You’re down in the weeds?” says the prez. “Oh, that’s tough!
My beautiful balls never land in the rough.
“My drive’s in the water? Well, don’t look around—it
Just landed right here in the cup where I found it!
“Birdies and pars! I’m the champ at this sport.
It’s a gimme whenever my putt’s a bit short.
“Rules are for suckers. I play my own game.
If you’re the big loser—well, you take the blame.
“As golf buddies go, I’m the World’s Number One.
I’m always the winner and isn’t that fun?
“I don’t give a f**k if you don’t win a hole.
I’ve already raked in your dues—and your soul.”
by Julia Griffin
“Massive lightning bolt from Texas to Missouri breaks record for world’s longest flash
The 515-mile bolt occurred during a 2017 storm and was discovered during a review of satellite data”
—The Dallas Morning News
In 2017, a bolt of lightning
Burst over three full states’ expanse of skies.
Then it was voted bothersome and fright’ning,
But eight years on, we’re giving it a prize.
(It took one second till the flash was past,
But we, though also bright, aren’t quite so fast.)
by Alex Steelsmith
“[A] couple tossed a freshly caught bass back into the water—
only to watch a bald eagle swoop down and snatch it…
[T]he raptor made a perfectly timed dive from a nearby perch.”
—Fox News
Supery-dupery
eagle agility
can’t be sufficiently
captured in words.
Eagles, according to
ornithological
experts, are certainly
talonted birds.
by Thomas Germana
“Nazism is making a comeback in the West, according to Russian Foreign Minister
Sergey Lavrov, and Russia is fighting alone against the entire region.”
—Newsweek
So Sergey says the West’s beset
By Nazis—what a shame.
I think he hopes we’ll all forget
Who’s partially to blame.
by Jerome Betts
“Trump’s distress at wind turbines now holds global, rather than merely golfing, implications.
As president he has banned renewable energy projects from federal lands and signed a spending
bill that kills off tax credits that were fostering a boom in new, clean energy supply.”
—The Guardian “Down To Earth” newsletter
A law and climate change denier,
Star of the fossil fuel fans’ choir,
A POTUS who’s a planet-fryer?
Oh, as the flames climb ever higher,
May Mar-a-Lago feel the fire.
by Stephen Gold
“Want to seem sexier? Ditch the Lamborghini, buy a hatchback.”
—The Times
Men! Don’t buy a Lamborghini,
Girls will think your pecker’s teeny.
Buy a small sedan instead,
That’ll get ‘em into bed!
by Steven Kent
“ICE entices new recruits with patriotism pitch and pledge of $50,000 signing bonuses”
—The Guardian
Come sign with ICE; we’ll pay your price,
With bonus for employment.
Our squad’s elite—you’ll rule the street,
You’ll cosplay cops, raid schools and shops.
Tear kids away from moms today
For duty and enjoyment!
Men, sign with ICE, that’s our advice
To patriots in waiting:
Come show your stuff (we like it rough).
We’ll make you feel your manhood’s real—
We always ask you wear a mask
And tough-guy armor plating.
So sign with ICE—we don’t play nice
Or follow legal stricture.
Our budget’s large with Noem in charge;
We’re spreading fear both far and near;
It’s might makes right, it’s black and white,
And that’s our kind of picture!
by Nora Jay
I never knew Epstein.
His friends were the Clintons:
We’d show you his file, where they’re listed,
Except it’s too boring,
And Hillary wrote it,
And also it never existed.
by Marshall Begel
“Florida attorney general orders airports to report ‘weather modification’ activities'”
—The Hill
The TSA
is here to stay,
but has a different role here.
You will not lose
time changing shoes—
they don’t suspect a sole here.
But, at the gate,
they’ll confiscate
a lightning bolt or Mjölnir.
by Kaitlyn Spees
“On any given Sunday, churchgoers settle into pews as a clergy person takes an ancient holy text
and figures out what it has to say about our lives today. But how would worshippers feel if they found out
that sermon was written by Artificial Intelligence?”
—NPR
With Sunday fast approaching,
I listened for the Lord—
I prayed, Help write this sermon,
We don’t want our flock bored!
I read some windy Scripture.
I shook with mild despair.
I torched my drafted nothings—
I had not found Him there—
Then opened up my browser.
(I can’t say that I’m proud,
but who says He’s not present
within that whispering cloud?)
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“Why does technology create new problems for each one it solves?”
—The Guardian
So companies that sell the stuff
That causes all the shite,
Can make a further fortune selling
Stuff to put it right,
And selling stuff to mitigate
The problems that were missed,
And selling further stuff to—
Well, I think you get the gist.