by Steven Urquhart Bell

“‘Checking before [weed-whacking] could save a hedgehog’”
–BBC

If Larkin hadn’t killed one, though,
We wouldn’t have “The Mower,”
A hugely moving piece of verse
That doesn’t trade on gore.

And also, you could argue, having
Died on Larkin’s lawn, it’s
As famous and immortal as
The muse of Shakespeare’s sonnets.

So does the verse excuse the fact
He didn’t check? It’s ticklish.
A Larkin fan might say it does,
But others might be pricklish.

by Steven Kent

“Nigel Farage has defeated Count Binface to win the Clacton byelection, in a contest boycotted by every other major political party”
—The Guardian

Farage, MP,
Got 63
While Binface ran for kicks
And still got 26.
Yet Britain would be better off
With tin man, not that sleazy toff—
Reform will truly never rest content
Until they make things Right in Parliament.

by Susan McLean

Of things that scare us when immersed,
they’re not the ones we think of first:
a park in Maryland is cursed
with rabid beavers.

In truth, it ought to give us pause
when rodents red in tooth and claws,
attacking, silence the guffaws
of disbelievers.

So small, so bucktoothed, and so cute,
they don’t appear the kind of brute
we ought to fear, with no repute
for vicious slaughter.

But if you swim or fish, beware!
They’re mad, they’re fast, they’re on a tear,
and they don’t give a dam. Take care:
avoid the water.

by Nora Jay

“When US intelligence allegedly found a credible threat that Iran plotted to kill him last month, Trump left Air Force One in a catering truck.”
—The Guardian

On Air Force One, the catering’s surprising:
The truck is now a Presidential stall,
Thus proving there are sights less appetizing
Than Last-Row Chicken Pasta after all.

by Steven Kent

“Will Trump’s next press secretary be a better liar than the first five?”
—The Guardian

The new Press Sec will catch Trump’s eye
If he or she can sell a lie
At least as well as Leavitt—my
Oh my, that bar is really high!

by Marshall Begel

“Netflix stuck a guy in a billboard to promote a new movie”
—Entertainment Weekly

For those of you who can’t afford
to pay your monthly room and board,
a well-known streaming corporation
will gladly fix your situation:
they’ll build a billboard just for you
with AC and fantastic view
(though to be honest and forthcoming,
it’s possible it won’t have plumbing).
They promise you’ll be captivated!
Privacy? That’s overrated!
It’s almost like a paid vacation …
till the series’ cancellation.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Taking the stairs cuts risk of early death by a quarter”
—The Telegraph

You’ve only got a single heart,
They never come in pairs,
So always, always, always, always,
Always take the stairs.

Unless you’re having surgery
And suddenly you spy
A luminescent flight of stairs
Ascending to the sky.

by Julia Griffin

“A Baltimore, Maryland, police officer avoided service calls by claiming he was on traffic stops when he was in fact ‘sitting idle in his car,’ according to an indictment filed by city prosecutors. … On one occasion, when Houchins reported being unavailable, he was allegedly ordering a smoothie…”
—The Guardian

The Maryland PD just likes to moan;
The charges filed are frankly overblown.
They allege I’m “sitting idle,”
A complaint at which I bridle:
Inside my car, I’ve orders of my own.

I counter-charge my so-called fellow cops
With strangely misdefining “traffic stops.”
I was driving, then I halted.
I don’t think that can be faulted—
I’m sure I only missed four murders, tops.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Six ‘bankrupt’ councils spend £207m hiring consultants”
—The Telegraph

We hired some consultants to
Investigate our cash,
And tell us where we’re going wrong
And if we’re being rash.

And when they’d poked around a bit,
They said our money cares
Were mostly the result of us
Employing firms like theirs.

by Steven Kent

“Trump slams Jeanine Pirro for dropping Reflecting Pool vandalism case”
—CBS Detroit

Judge Pirro?
A zero—
No hero,
Says Nero.

by Marshall Begel

“To meet the growing needs of his congregation, [Pastor] Justin Lester created an A.I. duplicate of himself.”
—The New York Times

For helpful discussions on sin,
just contact my new AI twin.
Appointments are free,
so call in and see
the merits of phoning it in.

by Julia Griffin

“A Mars rover just saw Earth dance with a Martian moon—then disappear behind it.”
—BBC Sky at Night Magazine

A little spying rover
“Was just chancing” to look over
At a dark and private corner of the sky,
When it heard (“I never listened!”)
Something sung which, though it isn’t
Fully polished, has gone viral up on high.
It’s the love song of a planet,
And it’s much too late to ban it
So we might as well enjoy it, on the sly.

I believe I’m struck by moonlight!
You have caught me in a swoonlight,
I’m in retrograde, but yearning to advance:
Will you tango with me, Phobos,
To a tune by Villa-Lobos?
Shall we boogie to Boötes? Shall we dance?

Every forest, each sierra,
All that makes me Wholly Terra
Is a-quake; Peru’s colliding into France:
Your effect on me is tidal—
I can feel my tropics sidle:
Shall we do the Astral Spiral? Shall we dance?

I have never seen such luster
In the Virgo Supercluster,
I’ve no earthly, but I have to take my chance:
Though I know you’re Mars’s satellite,
You’ve set my thermostat alight:
So how about it, Rockstar—shall we dance?

by Catherine Chandler

“Michelin-starred restaurateur faces jail for using ants as dessert garnish”
—BBC

In Seoul it’s considered OK
to garnish a bingsu sorbet
with a two-spotted cricket
(you won’t become sick), it
will please gastronome and gourmet.

But a chef believed he could enhance
l’intermède (as they call it in France).
Now he might lose his stars
and end up behind bars—
Hélas! for a sprinkling of ants!

by Bruce Bennett

“By the time they are airborne adults, they are interested only in mating and don’t eat that much … ‘The males, once they’ve done their duty, that’s the end of their life cycle, [a horticulturalist] said. ‘The females are going to lay their eggs in the soil again.’ Then, it’s lights out.”
—The New York Times

Don’t bother me with tempting food.
There’s one thing on my mind:
the only thing that’s right and good,
which is, of course, to find

A loving mate who’ll love me so
the moment that we meet
there will be nowhere else to go,
and I won’t need to eat!

by Dan Campion

“US officials push back on reports of dangerously low munitions supplies
Experts warn that low stockpiles of air defense interceptors as a result of the war on Iran leave the US vulnerable.”
—Al Jazeera

Thucydides, Themistocles—
Commanders always fib,
An occupational disease
Old as Sennacherib.
I’d study up on Plutarch, friends.
Officials push back? Duck.
They’ve reached their limited wits’ ends.
Attacked, we’re out of luck.