by Nora Jay
“Pink leather armchairs and bomb-proof floors: inside Kim Jong-un’s armoured train”
—The Guardian
Pink leather furniture and bomb-proof floors!
A mixture every sycophant adores,
While critics might derive a lesson, viz.
How ugly “Barbenheimer” really is.
by Marshall Begel
“‘Beer goggles’ study finds alcohol does not make people seem better looking”
—The Guardian
From lunk
To hunk
When drunk?
It’s bunk!
by Alex Steelsmith
“[A] pungent marijuana smell that wafted over [a U.S. Open] court,
clouded the concentration of one of the world’s top players…”
—AP
Sniffity, whiffity
billowing cannabis
rose through the stadium
rankly; indeed,
fans could imagine the
all-too-ubiquitous
plant as the tournament’s
number one seed.
Prominent, dominant
tennis competitors
came to perform on a
hardcourt; alas,
some were apparently
dazed and surprised to be
involuntarily
playing on grass.
Rackety, whackety
players’ performances
needn’t be called into
question; no doubt,
if there’s a problem our
cannabis-influenced
tennis officials are
hashing it out.
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“Bruce Springsteen announced… that he was postponing shows…
while he is treated for symptoms of ‘peptic ulcer disease.’”
—AP
Young rockers make the news with their addictions;
Old rockers make the news with their prescriptions.
by Julia Griffin
“New Zealand woman discovers surgical instrument ‘size of a dinner plate’ left in her body
after operation: Woman suffered abdominal pains for 18 months after caesarian section until scan
revealed an ‘Alexis retractor’ had mistakenly been left inside her”
—The Guardian
A medic—a rather bad actor—
Forgot an Alexis retractor
In someone’s C-section,
Escaping detection
Until it had virtually cracked her.
The verdict (it wasn’t redacted)
Condemned what the negligent quack did:
“One purpose of checks is
Detecting Alexis:
Make sure your retractor’s retracted!”
by Chris O’Carroll
“Kanye West and Bianca Censori may want to rethink their public displays of affection
after wearing out their welcome with a boating company in Venice, Italy. … In the viral images,
West is sitting down with his pants hanging low enough to expose his bare buttocks.
Censori appears to have her head in his lap in a compromising position…”
—Atlanta Black Star
The water taxi ride was fun,
But they blew their chance for another one.
by Steven Kent
“Society of authors calls use of bad reviews for book blurbs ‘morally questionable'”
—The Guardian
His cover needs a blurb; hey, that’s the biz.
I found a short review, such as it is:
I’ve never read a book like this before.
The author has no insight, wit, or skill.
He fails to form important thoughts and more;
His “best” work yet is still sophomoric swill.
Not great, but let me show you how to share
The fulsome praise that’s neatly hidden there:
I’ve never read a book like this before.
The author has . . . important thoughts and more;
His best work yet. See boys, that’s how it’s done—
I dare you now to write a better one!
by Julia Griffin
“[D]river pulled over with huge African bull riding shotgun in car:
Converted vehicle stopped in Nebraska with gigantic-horned Watusi bovine called Howdy Doody as passenger …
‘The officer wrote him some warnings,’ [police Captain] Reiman told the TV channel.
‘There were some citable issues with that situation.’”
—The Guardian
A bull—an imposing Watusi,
With horns that were quite Dr. Seussy—
Was caught sprawling wide
On the driver’s right side:
A thing no Watusi should do, see?
The officer wrote them some warnings,
As officers do many mornings:
Efficient, prepared,
And entirely unscared
By the prospect of hoofings and hornings.
The bull (he was named Howdy Doody)
Appeared quite embarrassed, or moody:
No bovine would choose
To displace, on the news,
The misfortunes of Donny or Rudy.
by Marshall Begel
“The James Webb Space Telescope recently captured a stunning new image of…
an orange formation in the unmistakable shape of a question mark…”
—NPR
For eons we have looked above
For answers to our questions
On grief and joy, on angst and love,
And followed all suggestions.
But as we begged the astral plane
To tell us what to do,
We never thought to entertain
That it had questions, too.
by Nora Jay
“Vladimir Putin sends condolences to family of Yevgeny Prigozhin”
—The Guardian
Of Putin’s condolence, though meager,
Prigozhin’s bereaved were desirous
As COVID 19-ers are eager
For sympathy cards from the virus.
by Alex Steelsmith
Tuesday, September 5th is Be Late For Something Day.
Merrily, merrily,
Be Late for Something Day
happens on Tuesday, but
never mind that;
people observing it
stereotypically
do so on Thursday or
Friday or Sat.
by Dan Campion
“Patients treated by female surgeons see better results, studies find”
—AXIOS
The sly remarks, guys, you can spare
(Well . . . sure, a girl can cut and sew).
Next time your corpus needs repair,
Remember what the studies show.
by Paul Willis
“Greta Gerwig’s Paradise Lost: [On] the Deep Parallels Between Barbie
and John Milton’s Late Renaissance Epic”
—Literary Hub
First came Adam,
then came Eve—
an afterthought,
I do believe.
But first came Barbie,
then came Ken.
When you’ve got Margot,
who needs men?
by Steven Kent
“A.I. Brings the Robot Wingman to Aerial Combat”
—The New York Times
My co-pilot’s far too controlling, it’s clear
(Efficient, but not at all brave).
I bark out an order and what do I hear?
Afraid I can’t do that now, Dave.
by Ruth S. Baker
“Return of takahē—large, flightless bird—to alpine slopes of the South Island marks a conservation victory in New Zealand”
—The Guardian
Suggestive of a globe on legs,
Its beak a boiled crustacean,
The lost takahe, plus its eggs,
Returns to glad our nation.
This flightless fowl with portly paunch
Resolves a point at issue:
However much you fail to launch,
There’s someone who will miss you.