“President Biden on Thursday pardoned all individuals convicted on federal charges of simple marijuana possession, a move that the White House estimated would affect more than 6,500 people nationwide.” —Los Angeles Times
Joe Biden’s not the kind of guy
With whom one thinks of getting high.
He’s not a member of the tribe
Who radiate that Woodstock vibe.
He hardly ever rolls a joint
While mulling judges to appoint,
And in the Situation Room,
Will seldom nibble on a ’shroom.
Yet justice gives this cat a buzz,
As we can now discern, because
He pardons at a single stroke
Six thousand busted for a toke.
He didn’t have to hit the bong
To understand the law’s been wrong.
So hip-hooray for unhip Joe
Who knows what freedom needs to know.
“Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen Have Reportedly Hired Divorce Lawyers. …
The [New York] Post has been tracking perceived discord in the marriage in recent months, with many speculating that Ms. Bündchen and Mr. Brady had fought over his decision to unretire from his football career…” —The New York Times
“‘Best way to eat a Big Mac’: McDonald’s menu hacks claims to have discovered ‘elite’ trick” —Daily Express
It’s best to eat your junk food on the way home from the pub,
’Cos if you really must indulge in such unhealthy grub,
It’s better if you do it on a bellyful of beers,
So nothing does you too much harm before it reappears.
“[O]ne diner at a restaurant in southwest China… noticed something unusual imprinted in the stone floor… dinosaur footprints aging more than 100 million years back. Expert paleontologists visited the restaurant to analyze the scene…” —Ripley’s.com
Biggily-wiggily
paleontologists
might have been doubtful at
first, but have since
come to agree that it’s
incontrovertibly
true that a diner saw
dinersaw prints.
“At N.Y.U., Students Were Failing Organic Chemistry. … Maitland Jones Jr., a respected professor, defended his standards. But students started a petition, and the university dismissed him.” —The New York Times
When premeds in organic chemistry
Did not get grades that top med schools required—
They needed A’s and not these C’s and D’s—
They hit the roof and Admin said, “He’s fired!”
When Mom and Dad had paid a hefty sum
To educate the darling they had sired
And this cruel teacher called their children dumb,
They told the kid, “It’s time that jerk was fired.”
When twenty years from now our doctors are
These kids who always got what they desired,
We may well wish there’d been a higher bar—
That someone, once, had said to them, “You’re fired!”
Monday, October 10, marks the 50th anniversary of the Woodward and Bernstein report that the FBI had made connections between Nixon aides and the Watergate break-in.
Trickery Dickery
Nixon the president
ordered a theft and his
kismet was fixed.
Now on this curious
semicentennial
people remember how
Nixon got nixed.
I once had a pound, and I thought I would use it
to pay for a pint or to drink a wee dram.
I once had a pound, and I worried I’d lose it—
it now buys so little, I don’t give a damn.
I once had a pound; though I struggled to earn it,
it took me some way to my purchasing goal.
I now have a pound, but I might as well burn it.
I’m giving up work. I shall go on the dole.
“Lidl ordered to destroy its Lindt-like chocolate bunnies by Swiss court Ruling on trademark case suggests German retailer could melt down and reuse the offending rabbits” —The Guardian
Ah, poor Lidl bunnies! How have they offended?
Though sweet as the Swiss, they had never pretended:
Their makers, perhaps, were impetuous riskers,
In painting their aureate wrapping with whiskers,
But this latest ruling is bitter to swallow.
Let Lindt have a melt-down—no bunnies should follow!
“Nanoengineers have developed microscopic robots… that can swim around in the lungs, deliver medication and be used to clear up life-threatening cases of bacterial pneumonia. In mice, the microrobots… resulted in 100% survival. By contrast, untreated mice all died
within three days after infection.” —UC San Diego Today
What’s the kind of medicine
That’s made for you and me?
M-I-C-R-O-S-
C-O-P-I-C.
Feeling weak and wheezy, kids?
Just call UCSD.
M-I-C-R-O-S-
C-O-P-I-C.
Micro-bots! Micro-bots!
Forever let us raise our coughless cry
Cry cry cry!
Come along and sing our song
And join our CDC:
M-I-C-R-O-S-
C-O-P-I-C.
“A pet owner who lost one of her cockatiels is carrying around its mate in a transparent backpack in an effort to lure the absent avian home.” —BBC News
“Why didn’t you say au revoir before Hightailing it and leaving me to pine? You didn’t even tweet me—though you swore, Devotedly, you’d be forever mine. I‘m made to look a proper turkey now, Displayed inside a cage as Emma walks, Not able to disguise my furrowed brow To hide its grief—instead, all Yorkshire gawks.”
“You lovesick feather-brain, you should have flown Off too. Forget old Emma, who just ties Us down, and flee—she won’t be on her own, She’ll buy new cockatiels to patronize. And think before you chicken out again, You—faint-heart cock has never won fair hen!”
