by Chris O’Carroll

“Jane has never met [MyPillow founder] Mr. Lindell. She is not and has never been in any relationship with him, romantic or otherwise. She is, however, in full-fledged fantasy relationships with Brad Pitt, Rege-Jean Page and Kermit the Frog and welcomes any and all coverage on those.”
—Jane Krakowski representative denying a Daily Mail story.

Mike’s a fan of Donald Trump.
Jane hangs out with Tina Fey.
What could gossip junkies make
Of their rumored pillow-play?

Hipster wokester lefties wailed
A bewildered whatthefowski!
Picturing the crackhead pillow
Squeezer squeezing Ms. Krakowski.

Heaven’s groupies on the right
Scorned a starlet bound for Hell
As unfit to pillow down
With God’s servant Mike Lindell.

Turns out we can all relax.
Jane’s word gives us cause to smile.
She and Mike have never met.
She’s more into froggy style.