Stephen Gold


Inaction This Day

Do you know who I really hate?
It’s people who procrastinate.
I’ve had it with these idle bums
Who scratch their butts, rotate their thumbs,
And in their ineffectual way,
Think, “Let it wait another day.”

Carpe diem! Take control!
Run that flag right up that pole!
With greatness as my guiding creed,
I’ll strive to lead in thought and deed,
And when I’m hailed as boss of bosses,
Bestride the world like a colossus!

Except, I seem to have a cold.
It’s going to rain, or so I’m told.
The mood, the temperature, the light,
Regrettably, are not quite right
To do the job I need to do.
I think it’s best to wait, don’t you?

Before you holler, “Hypocrite!”
Just think about it for a bit.
For if you do, you’re bound to see
“Strategic inactivity”
Is much more sensible than sweat.
Lord, make me work—but please, not yet.

Stephen Gold was born in Glasgow, Scotland, and practiced law there for almost forty years, robustly challenging the notion that practice makes perfect. He and his wife, Ruth, now live in London, close by their disbelieving children and grandchildren. His special loves (at least, the ones he’s prepared to reveal) are the limerick and the parody. He has over 600 limericks published in, the project to define by limerick every word in the Oxford English Dictionary, and is a contributor to Lighten Up Online. Over the years, he has had some success as a contributor to the Washington Post Style Invitational (now The Invitational), his major achievement being to lower the average IQ of its devotees.