Brian Allgar


Everything I know

“‘Make America pray again’: Trump reveals he is selling Bibles”

“Believe me, Bible-selling’s tedious
They’re so damned heavy, though I’m pretty strong.
Next time, it’s Trump Encyclopedias;
No sweat, they’re only seven pages long.”

Brian Allgar was born in 1943, a mere 22 months before Hitler committed suicide, although no causal connection between the two events has ever been established. Although immutably English, he has lived in Paris since 1982. He started entering humorous competitions in 1967, but took a 35-year break, finally re-emerging in 2011 as a kind of Rip Van Winkle of the literary competition world. He also drinks malt whisky and writes music, which may explain his fondness for Mendelssohn’s Scottish Symphony. He is the author of The Ayterzedd: A Bestiary of (Mostly) Alien Beings and An Answer from the Past, being the story of Rasselas and Figaro; and coauthor, with Marcus Bales, of Baleful Autobiographica. He’s still hoping the day will come when he can no longer count the combined sales of his books on his own fingers and toes.