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WEEK OF OCTOBER 27

by Viv Priestley

“Speaker of the House Mike Johnson defended labeling [last] weekend’s ‘No Kings’ rallies
opposing President Donald Trump as ‘hate America’ rallies, arguing that he was not referring
to Democrats themselves but the message of the protesters.”
—ABC

I can’t forget the grandmas’ hateful chanting
About how they prefer democracy;
The teachers who kept up their hateful ranting
Re making every student safe and free;
The moms and dads who hatefully hugged babies
And sang with friends and cried a little too;
But worst: a wiener dog (did it have rabies?)
Dressed up in hateful red and white and blue.

by Iris Herriot

“Police Break Up Lego Theft Ring, Recovering Hundreds of Beheaded Figurines:
Officials said they had discovered tens of thousands of Lego pieces at a California home
and arrested a man who trafficked in the stolen collectibles.”
—The New York Times

They lost their heads. He kept them, safe and sound.
Hundreds! The courts will certainly convict.
You ask how this appalling scene was found?
Cops followed up the clues till something clicked.

by Dan Campion

“Trump Administration Live Updates: White House Changes Course and Will Demolish Entire East Wing”
—The New York Times

Despite his pledge to save the wing,
The White House boss changed course.
We truly cannot trust one thing
He says. He sits his horse

Tail forward, charges toward the rear,
Convinced he is advancing,
And tramples things we all hold dear
So rich pals can go prancing.

The East Wing was, and now it’s not:
A symbol of his reign.
He’s riding backward at a trot,
Broadcasting dung and pain.

His grooms and stable hands just shrug
And work their combs and brooms,
Imagining they’ll dance and hug
In gold-encrusted rooms.

But Cinderella is a myth,
This prince a mean buffoon.
Look out, dear servant, serf, blacksmith!
He’ll soon prick your balloon.

by Marshall Begel

“[An Ohio bill declares] AI systems ‘nonsentient entities’ and [would] prevent them from gaining legal personhood.
The bill… also makes it illegal for anyone to marry an AI system…”
—Columbus Navigator

If AI’s not a legal person,
prospects for my marriage worsen
since my plans to marry Siri
might entail a legal query.

So instead, I’ve reignited
(thanks to Citizens United)
courtship safe from such attacks:
trading vows with Goldman Sachs.

by Julia Griffin

For Tam

“Wild bear pays surprise visit to bear enclosure at California zoo: ‘He was very polite’:
Sequoia park zoo said staff were doing an inspection when they saw a wild black bear
looking in at three captive bears”
—The Guardian

Oh yes, you thought he was “polite,” no doubt;
You found him quite the charmer, so refined,
Having no clue what he was on about:
Acquire some language and you’ll change your mind.
Feeling himself entitled to intrude,
He stood and stared at us, then scratched his head
(A gesture evidently meant as rude),
Opened his nasty, unwashed mouth, and said:
Hee, hee, hee! Are you locked in safe and tight?
I see they’ve pedicured your pretty feet!
So tell me, is your porridge cooked just right?
Who gets the widest quilt? The longest sheet?
And finally he chortled, to his fleas:
Let’s leave them to their Goldilocks-and-keys.

by Dan Campion

“‘Bored aliens’: has intelligent life stopped bothering trying to contact Earth?”
—The Guardian

So, in our spiral galaxy
Some aliens run free
But are too bored to come and see
What’s up in Kankakee?
Yes, “radical mundanity”
Sounds well-conceived, to me;
As we are subject to ennui,
Why wouldn’t ET be?

by Marshall Begel

“Chinese woman swallows eight live frogs to ease back pain“
—The Telegraph

Reporters swarmed around the woman, questioning her why
she swallowed frogs. She didn’t speak, distracted by a fly.
They asked her how she found the perseverance to go through it,
and why she thought eight frogs sufficed, but seven wouldn’t do it.
Without a written statement, they assumed she would ad lib it,
but when the woman cleared her throat, they only heard a “Ribbit.”

by Eddie Aderne

“Where once people were duped by soft-focus photos and borrowed chat-up lines,
now they have to watch out for computer-generated charm.”
—The Guardian

“Mon cher amour,” exhaled the dying Cyrano,
“There’s something you must hear tonight before I go:
The tender words, the praise—all absolutely true—
The love—” Roxane cut in: “I know all that was you:
You hid your love, I know, and I’m aware of why:
It was your nose!” “No, no,” he wheezed; “’twas all AI!
I started, yes, but, though I lasted quite a while,
I somehow lost my knack for précieux courting style:
I didn’t sound like Christian—good; his stuff was twee;
But by degrees I found I didn’t sound like me.
And so I asked a bot, “Do Cyrano!” It did;
And no one knew (till now) the sum of what I hid.
Adieu, amour!”
Roxane sat dazed. That wit! Those rhymes!
“I loved one man,” she sighed; “I’ve lost him now three times.”

by Chris O’Carroll

“They’re literally, you walk over from Iran to Qatar. You can walk it in one second. You go ‘boom boom’
and now you’re in Qatar.”
—A noted world traveler fantasizing about Middle East geography. In reality, Qatar’s only land border
is with Saudi Arabia. Iran is more than 100 miles away across the Persian Gulf.

Step literally off Iran, sink, sputter
Until (boom boom) you’re all washed up in Qatar.

by Bruce Bennett

Time’s cover, a shot from below,
Is one the Chief wants us to know
Is not to his liking,
Although it is striking
For what that odd angle can show

As sunlight plays tricks with his hair:
That one thing he simply can’t bear!
For him, worst of all,
His “crown” is so small
We won’t even know it is there.

by Felicity Teague

“The Tory peer Zac Goldsmith has submitted a new swift brick amendment to the House of Lords
[that would require new buildings to include hollow bricks that swifts can nest in]…”
—The Guardian

When approached for a comment, a swift
shook her head and appeared rather miffed.
“All this government fuss.
No one ever asked us!
Bricks indeed. Now, a cave? That’s a gift!”

by Thomas Germana

“A family court in the central Indian city of Bhopal is dealing with an unusual case of marital discord,
where a couple who married less than a year ago is now seeking divorce reportedly because their pet dog
and cat cannot get along.”
—The Independent

Messily, pettily,
partners in India
seek a divorce in the
hope it relieves

tensions developing
interspecifically,
clearly fed up with each
other’s pet peeves.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Parents list top skills and traits they want kids to learn before they leave home”
—The Mirror

You want your kids to learn to climb the ladder,
And learn to put away a goodly whack
Of everything they earn to stop them claiming
They can’t afford a house and moving back.