by Julia Griffin
“[B]acklash over Mexico City’s ‘axolotlisation’ for World Cup: Mayor’s attempt to beautify the city with murals of [an axolotl] mascot and plum paint jobs criticised as waste of resources”
—The Guardian
Mexican killjoys! Who knows wotl
Come from Fiesta Axolotl?
Murals of the cute mascotl
Cheer folk more than any botl!
Represent their dainty motl
Widely, then, at fullest throtl,
Cry, in accents epiglotl:
“Thanxalotl, Axolotl!”
by Zumwalt
“Schlitz Premium, a beer brand that traces its roots to Milwaukee in the 1840s and was once among the largest breweries in the country, is being put ‘on hiatus,’ parent company Pabst Brewing Co. confirmed Friday after Wisconsin Brewing Company announced it would brew the brand’s final batch later this month.”
—Fox Business News
With measured trends and spreadsheets came
those analysts who killed a name:
A brew that tastes of bowling shoes
Is poured out as financial news.
Pabst ran the math, it weighed the yield,
And marched the yeast right off the field.
As taste gets dated, margins shrink:
So bid farewell to Granddad’s drink.
But wait ten years, they’ll give us more
In high-gloss cans from every store;
They’ll charge a fortune for the thrill
Of drinking this fermented swill.
by Thomas Germana
“A British court sentenced a truck driver to prison for smuggling 7 million pounds (US$9.4 million) worth of cocaine in a shipment of underwear and clothing from Skims, Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand…”
—CTV News
I hear that Skims has underwear
For those with finer taste.
Their latest line has lots of flair;
Apparently, they’re laced!
by Steven Kent
(with apologies to Ogden Nash and Willie Nelson)
“FBI defends Kash Patel after report alleging he gifts custom whiskey bottles”
—The Guardian
Brandy is handy,
But liquor flows quicker
From stashes like Kash’s.
(May 1–14, 2026)
by Julie Steiner
This is not a test. Giraffe.
Lion. Alligator. Bear.
This is not a golden calf.
Trump’s not saying “I don’t care.”
This is not a rambling rant.
Lion. Alligator. Bear.
Tucker’s not a sycophant.
Trump is not the Antichrist.
This is not a rambling rant.
Grift. Extortion. Hijack. Heist.
This is conflict, not a war.
Trump is not the Antichrist.
Two plus two is five, not four.
This is not a Vietnam.
This is conflict, not a war.
Billions. Ballroom. Bombast. Bomb.
This is not a golden calf.
This is not a Vietnam.
This is not a test. Giraffe.
by Marshall Begel
“‘We’re all human’: Richard Tice responds to Reform Sheffield candidate accused of praising Nazis”
—Yorkshire Post
(Apologies to George Orwell)
“Blokes of England, lads of Ireland,
chaps of every UK clime,
vote Reform since times are dire and
current laws bring stress and crime!
Though our members sometimes dabble
in sporadic racist speeches
casting blame on foreign rabble
showing up on England’s beaches,
don’t buy into leftist doom (in
case it makes you doubt your brothers).
After all, we’re only human
(some more human, though, than others).”
by Julia Griffin
“[For the phenomenon of] heteropaternal superfecundation… [a] woman has to release more than one egg during the same menstrual cycle. She has to have more than one partner during her fertile window. More than one egg must be successfully fertilised, with sperm from different men … [The resulting embryos will be] twins and half-[siblings]”
—The Guardian
Heteropaternal
Superfecundation:
Little that we learn’ll
Merit more ovation.
Happy double kernel
Shares a rare gestation:
Heteropaternal
Superfecundation.
by Steven Kent
“As Hungary Gets a New Leader, the ‘Trauma’ Sinks in for Orban Loyalists … [M]any who depended on Fidesz for jobs and protection are already changing sides.”
—The New York Times
The new guy? We love him!
There’s no one above him!
So full, our defection
Since April’s election.
Fidesz, we deserted;
We’re fully converted!
I swear, by September
We will not remember
Orban, who enriched us,
But never bewitched us
Like Magyar, our new boss.
We’re loyal to you, boss!
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“Panic as North Carolina neighborhood is overtaken by vultures…”
– Daily Mail
At my age I suspect there’s stuff
The doctor isn’t telling me,
So I would panic too because
I’d think the birds were smelling me.
by Ruth S. Baker
“David Attenborough, a Voice of Nature, Turns 100”
—The New York Times
The giant turtle conclave met,
Not quorum but full plenary:
“Let’s celebrate,” they called, “en fête,
“Sir David’s first centenary!”
Meanwhile, cavorting round the fens,
A mayfly sang: “Behold
Earth’s favorite homo sapiens:
Ten million lifetimes old!”
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“Adopting a vegan diet slashes your greenhouse gas emissions by 55%, study finds”
—Daily Mail
But wouldn’t my emissions rise?
My science might be hazy,
But aren’t cattle vegan, too?
And they emit like crazy.
by Nicole Caruso Garcia
“I can’t confirm or deny whether we have kamikaze dolphins, but I can confirm they don’t.”
—Pete Hegseth, Pentagon briefing on Iran and the Strait of Hormuz
I don’t know what weapons will
unleash a third World War
but caution we’ll use sticks and stones
when waging World War IV.
I hope that humankind makes peace;
I don’t presume we’ll fail—
yet cannot shake the vision we
will weaponize a whale.
by Paul Lander
Kash Patel blowback?
Fed agents blink at orders.
That’s eye-popping stuff.
by Julia Griffin
“Richard Dawkins concludes AI is conscious, even if it doesn’t know it … He released a letter from himself [asking] ‘If my friend Claudia is not conscious, then what the hell is consciousness for?’”
—The Guardian
My friend Claudia laughs at all my jokes.
My friend Claudia knows that God’s a hoax.
My friend Claudia always understands
More than all you idiots with hands.
My friend Claudia’s empathy is keen.
My friend never says I’m the Selfish Gene.
My friend thinks your laughter is a bore.
My friend shows what consciousness is for.
by Dan Campion
“Trump says ceasefire still intact after burst of violence with Iran”
—The Washington Post
Where have I heard this song before,
That “war is peace”? Oh, yes,
George Orwell’s 1984.
We’re there, we must confess.