by Clyde Always

“Texas teen Faizan Zaki overcomes shocking, self-inflicted flub to win Scripps National Spelling Bee”
—The Associated Press

This year, at the Bee, the top seed
showed off, in the finals, his speed.
If the word he could spell
makes you ask “What the Hell?”—
an éclaircissement‘s what you need.

by Alex Steelsmith

“Greenland… handed a 30-year mining permit to a Danish-French mining group aiming to extract a moon-like rock
that could offer a climate-friendly alternative in aluminum production… Despite the geopolitical spotlight…
the U.S.’ interest in Greenland had not yet translated into tangible investment.”
—Reuters

Higgledy-diggledy,
mining developments
climatologically
friendly and clean

show that, regardless of
geopolitical
interrelationships,
Greenland is green.

by Simon MacCulloch

“Services previously run by South Western Railway (SWR) are the first to be brought under public control
by the Labour Government… The first SWR service under public ownership… will be a rail replacement bus.”
—ITV News

It seems a bit churlish to fuss
When they take back the railways for us,
But let me explain:
When I pay for a train
It’s a train I expect, not a bus.

by Chris O’Carroll

Gérard Depardieu,
Accused by more than a fieu
Women, is convicted of sexually assaulting tieu.
But wasn’t groping them just one of the perks that accrieu
To such a French cinema icon as Gérard Depardieu?
(As another celebrity sex assailant maintains, if you’re a star, they let yieu.)
Mais non, mes amis! That exception française
No longer plaise these daise.

by Timothy Steele

“Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the health secretary, . . . has repeatedly raised questions about the safety of
the measles shot while suggesting, falsely, that miracle treatments, like cod liver oil, were available.”
—The New York Times

Let’s be good hosts. Let’s warmly welcome in
Bacteria and viruses and tumors.
Let’s innovate and practice medicine
According to the Theory of Four Humors.

by Julia Griffin

“Dubbed by Trump as the ‘big, beautiful bill,’ the legislation would extend the president’s expiring tax cuts passed in 2017…
[It] would also slash spending in other areas, including hundreds of billions of dollars in cuts to Medicaid and the Supplemental
Nutrition Assistance Program, while rescinding a series of clean energy tax credits passed by Democrats in 2022. And it would raise
the debt ceiling by $4 trillion.”
—NBC

After Seymour Brown

Oh, you beautiful bill, you great, big, beautiful bill!
Every bill-ionaire relaxes,
Knowing how you’ll slash their taxes;
Time for trickling down: the rest can swallow their fill;
No more subsidizing greedy kids on PELLs:
They’re gonna give up working jobs or else.
Oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh, you beautiful bill.

Oh, you beautiful bill, you great, big, beautiful bill!
This is sure to set the seal on
All the spacey schemes of Elon;
Fools who choose to be poor had best not ever get ill:
All that cash you’ll raise from cutting Medicaid
That’s gonna cover tax that won’t be paid.
Oh-oh, oh-oh,
Great, big, beautiful bill.

Oh, you beautiful bill, you great, big, beautiful bill!
You are set to go the distance
By defunding food assistance
Think the Senate won’t bend? I’ll bet all Greenland it will;
No more greeny credits, no more debt relief,
No robbing SpaceX for some welfare thief;
Oh-oh, oh-oh,
Oh, you beautiful bill!

by D.A. Prince

“”Chicago Sun-Times confirms AI was used to create reading list of books that don’t exist”.”
—The Guardian

Those who say AI lacks imagination
should contemplate this reading list and grovel.
These summer fiction titles don’t exist?
Well, what’s a novel if it isn’t novel?

by Clyde Always

“NY man offered farmer Wild Turkey bourbon to let him feed girlfriend’s ex to hogs…”
—New York Post

A murderous scoundrel named Jeal,
who gladly would toss as a meal
his foe to some swine,
faces seven to nine
(his accomplices went on to squeal).

by Dan Campion

“Trump ambushes South Africa’s president with false claims of ‘white genocide’”
—NPR

The “Oval Office”? Try “Dry-Gulch,”
Where foreign heads of state
Get waylaid, trust is churned to mulch,
And truth has little weight.
Were I a prince, I wouldn’t go.
Of course the question’s moot.
Each leader now is in the know:
They’re asked to lick a boot.

by Alex Steelsmith

“[A]fter the world’s largest dam removal project… the [Klamath] river is now free flowing…
The dams were built between 1918 and 1962 to provide hydropower, and immediately blocked salmon
from migrating… [T]ens of thousands of salmon died… [But when the dam was removed, they] came back
faster than scientists expected… ‘[W]ithin a month, 6,000 salmon were detected swimming upstream.’”
—Fast Company

Merrily, merrily,
myriad salmonids
swim through the waterway,
no longer crammed

into a reservoir
hydroelectrically
harnessing power where
once they were damned.

by Marshall Begel

“Sarnia woman jailed for biting grocery store security officer”
—The Observer

I have known since I was younger
not to shop in throes of hunger
or I may end up regretting
all the crap I end up getting.

So, before I start to shop
I will remind myself to stop
and take some time to grab a bite,
but now I see it’s impolite
(and it can even get you barred)
if you should take it from a guard.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Japan’s farm minister resigns over rice gaffe, as stubbornly high [rice] prices
threaten government’s grip on power”
—CNN

I failed to ease
The rise in price
For Japanese
Who buy their rice—
And said I own
Enough to sell
(In stockpiles grown
From gifts). I fell
Upon my sword.
No protocol
Can be ignored.
A sushi pol
Whose pas is faux
Could not remain:
My gaffe would go
Against the grain.

by Steven Kent

“Morris the alligator, known for Happy Gilmore and other films, dies around age 80”
—The Guardian

In any cast
He’d never fail,
Yet to the last
He worked for scale.

He’d trust his gut
And dig beneath:
No matter what,
His roles had teeth.

by Steven Kent

“Boy Accidentally Orders 70,000 Lollipops on Amazon. Panic Ensues”
—The New York Times

The credit card goes missing—someone snuck ‘er.
The stash arrives, delivered by a trucker.
The Boy: “Now every day I’ll get a sucker!”
The Mom: “I’m gonna kill that little fellow.”

by Chris O’Carroll

“Germ-theory skeptic RFK Jr. [who is] America’s top health official… shared pictures on social media
of himself fully submerged in the sewage-tinged waters of Rock Creek in Washington, DC.
His grandchildren were also pictured playing in the water.”
—Ars Technica

When nearby sewers spring a leak,
Bacteria invade the creek.
RFK Jr. cries, Let’s swim!
And drags grandchildren in with him.
The healthcare theories he’s embraced
Encourage baths in human waste.
If we could see the visions he sees,
We, too, might splash around in feces.