“Bessent ‘Inadvertently’ Failed to Report Holdings of JPMorgan Stock Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent’s finances were reviewed by the inspector general after Mr. Bessent incorrectly listed at least $100,000 of the stock, which was owned by his husband, as cash.” —The New York Times
We’d think the Treasury’s top hand Would get his net worth right. Apparently a hundred grand Is just an oversight When you’re worth seven hundred mil. No wonder that Scott’s bets On schools of big fish give us chills. Mere minnows slip his nets.
“An extremely well-preserved bird feather from the age of dinosaurs has been found inside a fossilized piece of dinosaur poop—revealing how some bird species may have escaped extinction.” —The New York Times
“Here, Have a Cookie. It’s Made of Plastic. NASA wanted deep-space snacks, so a lab delivered 3D-printed cookies [aka ‘microbites’] made from water bottles. —Popular Mechanics
A “microbite” might go down swell, A snack for weightlessness, And even stay down—who can tell?— Washed down with Tang, I guess.
“Burning Man at 40: The once anarchic desert festival faces a midlife crisis” —The Guardian
A drug in every pocket, every tent, on every ledge: Yes, consciousness-expansion’s in ascendance.
This ain’t a Gen Z Woodstock, though; you can’t be cutting-edge With all these rich old geezers in attendance.
“Lewes becomes first UK town to recognise the rights of trees.” —The Times
Oh, grant us safe harbor Within a sweet arbor, In city, or village, or town. Give us the right To water and light— And thanks for not chopping us down!
We’re partners on earth, So cherish our worth (Not something you’ve done hitherto). Follow the science, Support our alliance, We’ll root for it, how about yew?
“Australian athlete apologizes for racing with diarrhea, forfeits the Beijing competition she won… [M]ultiple media outlets report that [Joanna] Wietrzyk’s major sponsor, Puma, is distancing itself from the athlete…” —CBC
Chin up, Joanna—no need to be glum! I bet you’ll soon be shilling, dusk to dawn, For Charmin, Lava soap, Imodium, Depends, and (say it with me) Grey Poupon.
“The rise of AI-generated tributes and bots for ‘talking’ to the dead has experts concerned more people will grieve in isolation” —The Guardian
The Road to En-dor is easy to run On Windows, also on Mac: For best results, use the latest one And get your family back! Your heart’s in shreds and your thinking’s in knots? Log on and be soothed by the love of our bots!
It’s not just whispers or slippery hints: The lost and longed-for appear, Apprised of all you have gone through since They happened to—not be here: The dreamed-about eyes meet yours and the voice Is joyful, or possibly wistful (your choice).
So fire up your screen, give over your grief, Forget that counselling stuff; No need to fuss with churchy belief— A good OS is enough, And Heaven itself can’t offer much more Than a high-speed link for the Road to En-Dor!
“A1 models have begun communicating in a strange new version of English that reads like a cross between James Joyce’s Finnegans Wake and tech bro jargon…” —The Guardian
Recall how Boulle’s caged simians began— Caged chuckles, speech and then takeover plan? Lest AI lingo signal such a fate, A kill switch, please, before it’s far too late!
“Is There Anything a Fruit Fly Brain Can’t Do? Models of the insect’s nervous system have been trained to solve a Rubik’s Cube, play video games and even parallel park a car.” —The New York Times
No larger than a poppy seed, The fruit fly brain surprises: Its simulated wits succeed Where ours may meet a crisis In solving puzzles, playing games, Maneuvering a car— So no more swatting, calling names, Nor jailing in a jar This little intellectual, Who should be sent to Yale To learn a ripe respect for all, A lesson humans fail.
“Nashville Says Yes to Renaming Airport for Dolly Parton” —The New York Times
We Tennesseans don’t agree so much On college football, barbecue, and such But everyone loves Dolly here, God knows it. Renaming BNA now surely shows it, And heaven help the fool who dares oppose it!
“Pickled and fermented foods are enjoying a surge in popularity, with their role in gut health particularly appealing.“ —The Guardian
Give taste buds a tickle, And pick up a pickle, Just savor the flavor and crunch. Proclaim with one voice, It’s the connoisseur’s choice, For breakfast, or dinner, or lunch.
Gourmets of our nation Adore fermentation. Their palates, evolved and refined, Have learned to exalt Dill, acid and salt, Those boons to the bowels of mankind.
I’m proud to convey I munch pickles all day, And there’s nothing I’d rather be eating. Though they sit on my chest, I confess I’m obsessed (As I’m often discreetly repeating).
