Poems of the Week

Sit Down, Uncle Joe

by Paul Haebig

Joe Biden says, “Just ‘cause you’re poor
There’s no reason at all you can’t score
Just as high as a white.
You still can be bright!”
Would someone please show him the door?

Tall Order

by Alex Steelsmith

Mayor de Blasio
touts a big vision and
stands very tall,

even though odds of this
winning the White House are
hopelessly small.

Survival Rations

by Phil Huffy

“Elderly man survives on nothing but
Coca-Cola for 5 days after falling in home”
—New York Post

To the floor he tumbled
fearing help might never come,
sustained by Coca-Cola—
sadly though, in want of rum.

Extinction Suggestion

by Jerome Betts

“Now, the Trump administration has significantly weakened the
Endangered Species Act, a bipartisan 1973 law designed to
prevent the most threatened species from going extinct.”

A US law, the ESA,
Preserves the grizzly bear,
Bald eagles, too—hurray! Hurray!—
No longer quite so rare.

Oh, may it sense, some happy day,
The world’s deep green despair
And function in reverse—yay! Yay!—
To doom the orange hair.

Black and White and Red All Over

by David Hedges

McConnell threw a hissy fit—
A purple people-eating snit—
When hit with hashtag Moscow Mitch.
His triple chins began to twitch,
His washboard forehead swam in sweat.
He faced an existential threat
Of monumental magnitude.
He must have realized, “I’m screwed!”
Kentucky media agreed:
His fall is all but guaranteed.
“But-but—!” he sputtered, at a loss
To weasel from his double cross.
“Please listen to the voice of reason—
It only looks and feels like treason.”

Dark Force, Dark Horse

by Alex Steelsmith

According to the Los Angeles Times, Marianne Williamson has stated that A Course in Miracles is “a complete system,” and every problem can be solved by consulting it.

Wonkety bonkety,
Marianne Williamson
knows how to deal with a
dark psychic force:

put the U.S. on a
Miracle Course.

Taking Aim at the Real Problem

by Chris O’Carroll

Republican state legislator Candice Keller of Ohio attributes mass shootings to “. . . homosexual marriage . . . recreational marijuana . . . professional athletes who hate our flag and National Anthem . . .”

News of another rifle assault—
More mourners weep, more victims bleed.
No way it’s a racist president’s fault.
Blame Kaepernick, queers, and legal weed.


by James Hamby

Kelly Knight Craft
Is rather daft
And hasn’t got a clue
About the policies of our nation
Or the global situation
And so in Trump’s mind she’ll do.


Pax Yokiana

by Julia Griffin

“In [Yoko Ono’s] latest artwork, she is enlisting thousands of ordinary folk to ring in this year’s Manchester international festival with Bells for Peace, a massive participatory artwork…”
The Guardian

Perform your part for peace,
Ye ordinary folk!
Make pacificity increase
With every booming stroke!

As those irenic peals
Convulse the airy spheres,
See! Baffled War falls back and reels,
Her fingers in her ears.

Just let that peaceful din
Serenely blast the skies,
And you’ll be guaranteed to win
The Ono Bell Peace Prize.

Five Feet of Alligator Needs New Home

by Orel Protopopescu

“The alligator in the Humboldt Park lagoon has been dodging trappers for days…”
ABC News

Who dumped poor “Chance the Snapper”
in Chicago’s Humboldt Park?
This immigrant keeps hidden,
preferring shades of dark.

But if he’s trapped by rat bait
or recordings of his kind,
where should he then be taken
to preserve his peace of mind?

He’d surely be much safer
in peaceful city parks
than in some Mar-a-Lago
where the pool is full of sharks.