“Texas Republicans Beg Biden for Help Weeks After Endorsing Secession Bill … [in] response to a huge winter storm that hit Texas this past weekend, causing traffic accidents and power outages” —ExtraNewsfeed
Hey, let’s Make Texas Great Again! No need
For federal Government—we’ll just secede.
No stinking Socialists for us! … Oh, wait—
We need a massive handout for our State.
“A Texas mayor has resigned after telling residents of his city to ‘Get off your ass and take care of your own family!’ in the face of a devastating once-in-a-generation winter storm that has killed more than 20 people across the country and left millions without power in the state. … Amid widespread outrage Boyd has now apologized resigned and issued a more contrite statement … ‘Please understand, if I had it to do over again, I would have just kept my words to myself and if I did say them I would have used better wording and been more descriptive,’ said Boyd.” —The Guardian
Please understand, could I now choose,
There’s better wording I would use.
The reason for this press conniption
Was clearly absence of description.
So when I said “Get off your ass,”
I meant to add “low class” and “crass”;
And by “your family,” I meant:
“Those dumb, spoiled boobs who owe you rent.”
“For the First Time in 200 Years, a New Blue Pigment Is Up for Sale … Named after its chemical components of yttrium, indium and manganese oxides,
YInMn [pronounced ‘Yin Min’] absorbs red and green wavelengths
while reflecting blue wavelengths to produce a bright blue color.” —Smithsonian Magazine
“End of Neanderthals linked to flip of Earth’s magnetic poles, study suggests Event 42,000 years ago combined with fall in solar activity potentially cataclysmic, researchers say … another flip could be on the cards.” —The Guardian
One flip of Earth’s magnetic poles,
Combined with an inactive sun,
And those Neanderthals, poor souls,
Were cataclysmically done.
Both sun and man look brighter now
(It’s shining; we’ve invented script)
But still researchers know not how
To keep the north and south unflipped.
Whenas in labs our Ferret goes,
our scientists are bold.
The sweetness of our Ferret’s nose
cannot be oversold.
If lipopeptide spray prevents
COVID from taking hold,
what’s next for Ferret—a defense
against the common cold?
“Gardaí [Irish police] suspicious after sudden surge in number of people flying out to Tenerife
for ‘essential dentist appointments'” —The Irish Post
The Garda wondered why I had to fly:
“Essential travel?” asked he, with a smirk.
“Necessitated by my teeth,” said I—
“Extractions and some other dental work!”
“Requiring you to fly to Tenerife? I find it hard to swallow!” quipped the cop.
“Faith, so do I! That’s why I need relief,” Exclaimed myself. “This toothache will not stop!”
“Relief,” pressed he, “comes only if you pay Exotic dentists? Ireland’s will not do? Lots more say they have toothache too today— If you seek sun, I doubt your story’s true!” …
“Examine here,” moaned I, “and feel my pain!” …
“For God’s sake, close your mouth and board the plane!”
“Wealthy residents of 432 Park Avenue have complained of leaks, malfunctions and wind sway—much to the delight of earthbound New Yorkers” —The Guardian