“Bronx Zoo’s Happy the Elephant is not legally ‘a person,’ judge rules … Bronx Supreme Court Judge Alison Tuitt dismissed the NonHuman Rights Project’s petition to grant the 48-year-old pachyderm ‘legal personhood’ in order to move her to a 2,300-acre sanctuary. ‘The court agrees that Happy is more than just a legal thing, or property. She is an intelligent, autonomous being who should be treated with respect and dignity, and who may be entitled to liberty,’ Tuitt wrote in the judgment. ‘[But] we are constrained by the case law to find that Happy is not a ‘person’ and not being illegally imprisoned.'” —The New York Post
If you’re Happy and you know it, wave your trunk,
But don’t fancy you’re a person since it’s bunk;
You’re too smart to start assumin’
You are legally a human:
Would you want to have your teeth so sharply shrunk?
If you’re Happy and you know it, good for you:
That is really more than people mostly do;
You’re entitled to your freedom
And respect, if you should need ’em;
But you’d really best enjoy ’em in the Zoo.
“One of Pompeii’s most celebrated buildings, the House of Lovers, will reopen to the public on Tuesday, 40 years after it was severely damaged in an earthquake. … The name of the house, which dates back to the first century BC, was derived from a Latin inscription … that translates as: ‘Lovers like bees pass a sweet life like honey. I wish it were so.'” —The Guardian
Love is pressure, love is fire,
Love’s a burning lode:
Crammed with carbonous desire,
Mountain tops explode.
Love’s a sequence of assaults;
Love’s a livid scar,
Hiding deeply-buried faults.
Love knows where they are.
Sweet amid the quake debris’
Lovers live like honey bees!
(Would that it were so.)
“Man triumphs in battle for ‘IM GOD’ license plate in Kentucky” —The Washington Post
When you go driving in Kentucky,
You just might see, if you get lucky,
The atheist who beat the state
In court to win the license plate
IM GOD. It’s just his way to scoff
At faith, but best not cut him off.
“Hindu god Shiva given seat on Kashi-Mahakal Express … Officials in charge of the Kashi-Mahakal Express … booked the upper berth in a second-class, air-conditioned compartment for the god known as the cosmic destroyer on the train’s inaugural run. … The Times of India said in an editorial that ‘assigning an upper berth to Shiva is illogical, because he has transcended the plane on which berths exist’.” —The Guardian
Was no diva.
When assigned a second-class berth,
He did not destroy the earth.
by Julia Griffin “Daily Beast reporters say Reince Priebus was repeatedly asked about [badgers by President Trump] during briefings on healthcare and foreign policy “Are they mean to people?” Trump reportedly asked Priebus… . “Or are they friendly creatures?” —The Guardian
Are badgers mean to people? That depends. Or are they friendly creatures? They have friends. Have they a personality? For sure,
Though you, perhaps, may reckon it a bore. What do they do? They hang out in their setts,
And no, they’re bad with existential threats.
These are the answers that the Chief of Staff
May have produced, on everyone’s behalf,
To redirect the Presidential thought
To subjects more immediately fraught:
Tax, immigration, guns, a healthcare plan,
The legislature, and Afghanistan.
“No One Can Explain Why Planes Stay In The Air” —Headline inScientific American
Now they tell us, while we cruise
At thirty thousand feet,
Perusing online sports and news
From arts to science beat,
That no one knows what keeps us up?
That’s weird, but do we care,
A double whiskey in our cup?
We trust in wing and prayer.