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WEEK OF AUGUST 10

by Steven Kent

“Trump slams Jeanine Pirro for dropping Reflecting Pool vandalism case”
—CBS Detroit

Judge Pirro?
A zero—
No hero,
Says Nero.

by Marshall Begel

“To meet the growing needs of his congregation, [Pastor] Justin Lester created an A.I. duplicate of himself.”
—The New York Times

For helpful discussions on sin,
just contact my new AI twin.
Appointments are free,
so call in and see
the merits of phoning it in.

by Julia Griffin

“A Mars rover just saw Earth dance with a Martian moon—then disappear behind it.”
—BBC Sky at Night Magazine

A little spying rover
“Was just chancing” to look over
At a dark and private corner of the sky,
When it heard (“I never listened!”)
Something sung which, though it isn’t
Fully polished, has gone viral up on high.
It’s the love song of a planet,
And it’s much too late to ban it
So we might as well enjoy it, on the sly.

I believe I’m struck by moonlight!
You have caught me in a swoonlight,
I’m in retrograde, but yearning to advance:
Will you tango with me, Phobos,
To a tune by Villa-Lobos?
Shall we boogie to Boötes? Shall we dance?

Every forest, each sierra,
All that makes me Wholly Terra
Is a-quake; Peru’s colliding into France:
Your effect on me is tidal—
I can feel my tropics sidle:
Shall we do the Astral Spiral? Shall we dance?

I have never seen such luster
In the Virgo Supercluster,
I’ve no earthly, but I have to take my chance:
Though I know you’re Mars’s satellite,
You’ve set my thermostat alight:
So how about it, Rockstar—shall we dance?

by Catherine Chandler

“Michelin-starred restaurateur faces jail for using ants as dessert garnish”
—BBC

In Seoul it’s considered OK
to garnish a bingsu sorbet
with a two-spotted cricket
(you won’t become sick), it
will please gastronome and gourmet.

But a chef believed he could enhance
l’intermède (as they call it in France).
Now he might lose his stars
and end up behind bars—
Hélas! for a sprinkling of ants!

by Bruce Bennett

“By the time they are airborne adults, they are interested only in mating and don’t eat that much … ‘The males, once they’ve done their duty, that’s the end of their life cycle, [a horticulturalist] said. ‘The females are going to lay their eggs in the soil again.’ Then, it’s lights out.”
—The New York Times

Don’t bother me with tempting food.
There’s one thing on my mind:
the only thing that’s right and good,
which is, of course, to find

A loving mate who’ll love me so
the moment that we meet
there will be nowhere else to go,
and I won’t need to eat!

by Dan Campion

“US officials push back on reports of dangerously low munitions supplies
Experts warn that low stockpiles of air defense interceptors as a result of the war on Iran leave the US vulnerable.”
—Al Jazeera

Thucydides, Themistocles—
Commanders always fib,
An occupational disease
Old as Sennacherib.
I’d study up on Plutarch, friends.
Officials push back? Duck.
They’ve reached their limited wits’ ends.
Attacked, we’re out of luck.

by Jerome Betts

Cup shooting stars went on campaign—
Mbappé, Messi, Haaland, Kane.

Sad that the great four-yearly beano
Also included Infantino.

by Ruth S. Baker

“Toronto zoo announces birth of pygmy hippo calf … Within 15 minutes of birth, the calf began trying to stand and was ‘confidently navigating the space’ a few hours later, the zoo said, adding that the calf was seen nursing approximately 4.5 hours after birth.”
—The Guardian

The newborn of the pygmy hippo race
Can confidently navigate the space
Of a zoo in east Toronto
After fifteen minutes. Pronto!
I believe it’s time our species upped the pace.

by Marshall Begel

“Russian Retailers See Horse Sales Surge Amid Worsening Gasoline Deficit”
—United 24

With gasoline in short supply,
the marketplace endorses
the vehicle that says goodbye
to fossil fuel—it’s horses!

Envision riding noble steeds
just like the upper class—
a luxury that only needs
a stable and some grass.

So, look this gift horse in its mouth—
no car today can beat it.
If things continue going south,
remember: you can eat it!

by Philip Kitcher

“The U.S. men’s team limped out of the World Cup, beaten by Belgium… [M]any are calling it karmic retribution after U.S. striker Folarin Balogun was allowed to play despite a red card because President Trump called for FIFA to conduct what he described as a review…”
—ABC News

When they talked of red cards, he was very confused,
but once they explained them, he wasn’t amused.
He derided the ref: “What the [devil] does he know?
Let me have a quick word with my pal, Infantino.”
The whole business was settled with utmost dispatch—
for the Don is a master at fixing a match.

It is sad to relate, for the Land of the Free,
that revenge on the Belgians was not meant to be.

by David Hedges

Shall I compare thee to a pompous ass?
Thou art ten thousand thousand times the more
Disgusting and degenerate—no class!
Some on the left would label thee a whore
Though that demeans the babes thou once employ’d
In Moscow at the bid of Vladimir,
Who taped the golden shower thou so enjoy’d,
And others who stay silent out of fear.
‘Tis apt to see thy gold complexion dimm’d
By E. Jean What’s-her-name, on whom thou pil’d
A dump-truck’s worth of epithets untrimm’d
And otherwise besmirch’d—hell’s-fire, revil’d!
Mighteth there lurk some faint redeeming grace
Behind thy smirking Gatorade’d face?

by Julia Griffin

“… 18 ancient tombs were discovered at Marina el-Alamein, near Alexandria, which includes rock-cut and limestone tombs, pottery and a granite sarcophagus. … Close to the sarcophagus, they found the remains of a plaster sphinx statue… . Four gold pieces were placed inside the mouths of some of the deceased, known as ‘the golden tongue’…”
—The Guardian

O Sphinx, whom are you watching in this tomb?
Never mind whom.
This gold upon his tongue—what can it be?
A mystery.
Is it a gift, a fare he has to pay?
I will not say.
Then answer only this: why did he die?
Do not ask why.
Surely it was no curse that laid him low?
You may not know.
But could he curse another, in his turn?
That you will learn.