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WEEK OF OCTOBER 26

by Dan Campion

All earnestly detest him, so they haunt
The White House halls. “He’s such a d–nd low cuss,”
Breathes Andy hoarsely on each nightly jaunt.
“The only thing he has to fear is us,”
Spry Franklin’s chuckle echoes through the eaves.
“It’s altogether fitting we do this,”
Says Abe, all-seeing how the nation grieves.
Stunned speechless, George can only groan and hiss.
Dead presidents are deadly in their aim.
Ulysses targets Forty-Seven’s bone
Spurs, Richard spits, “I had the prior claim
On crookedness,” and Ronald mocks, “Gold throne!?”
It’s always Halloween for Don. What, sleep?
While Harry’s footsteps prowl the castle keep?

by Matt Schatz

Met a ghost, and he said, “Boo,”
As ghosts are mostly wont to do.
He wasn’t trying to scare or irk;
He simply didn’t like my work.

by Julia Griffin

after Shelley

An old, purblind, spite-addled, Ubu King;
His spawn, their mates and exes, mouths agape
For any mogul’s droppings; jockeying
Lackeys excusing every sleazy jape;
States’ representatives who fawn and cling
While stretching private loopholes to escape;
Citizens gunned down in the streets and mocked
By government officials; a gagged press;
Violence glorified; compassion blocked;
Justice co-opted; merit powerless;
A cheated people, long past being shocked
By any filth their masters can concoct,
Whose vote, in all their manifold distress,
Remains still somehow anybody’s guess.

by Steven Kent

“United Airlines CEO faces rightwing backlash after calling for US wealth tax”
—The Guardian

Some wrongs the Right does not condemn:
The inside trade, the toxic spill,
The secret war, the conflict gem,
The parlous dark satanic mill.
But voices reach a fever pitch
At one offense they won’t let pass:
Suggest we ought to tax the rich,
And you’re a traitor to your class.

by Dan Campion

“Earth and Mars May Have Formed in Weirdly Different Ways”
—The New York Times

If pebbles clumped to make our Earth,
While crashing rocks made Mars,
The difficulty of each birth
Meant nothing to the stars;

There’s nothing “weird” celestially,
It’s we who make a fuss
And view whole worlds obstetrically.
All weirdness lives in us.

by Viv Priestley

“The broken beak of a southern ground hornbill, a large bird native to Africa, was repaired at an Amsterdam zoo with two plastic pieces created on a 3D printer. … ‘He started using the prostheses on the day of the surgery,’ the zoo said. ‘The following morning, he independently picked up a small mouse from the ground.’”
—Oddacity News

“Thanks!” The hornbill cried. “Fantastic!”
The mouse was less enthusiastic.

by Julia Griffin

“The family of a man killed by a tiger at a wildlife park in the UK have spoken about their ‘severe distress’ at the circulation of online media after Donald Trump reposted a video of the incident. … Later the president posted an AI-generated video of himself grinning and having fun by chasing and play fighting with the tiger. It is accompanied by the song The Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens. It features Trump copying the pointing gesture made by Chapman [the man who was mauled] and ends with him and the tiger hugging.”
—The Guardian

In the ballroom, the mighty ballroom,
The lion stalks tonight;
He prowls the networks, the bloody networks;
His screens are gleaming bright.

Tee-hee-hee-hee
Tee-hee (etc.)

Near the golf course, the mighty golf course,
The lion’s claws are sharp:
He fights a tiger, an AI tiger,
Which smooches like Ms. Harp.

Tee-hee-hee-hee
Tee-hee (etc.)

Hush, my darling, shut up, my darling,
Behold the Lion King!
He gnaws and slashes, he preens and trashes:
Dumb brutes must do their thing.

by Felicia Nimue Ackerman

“Many older travelers seek out tours that can be customized.”
—The Boston Globe

Why call us older?
Why not be bolder?
Let the truth be told:
We are simply old!

by Marshall Begel

“Megan Fox Says She Was ‘Born For’ Erectile Dysfunction Pill Ad”
—Medical Daily

When people ask me, Megan Fox,
if I no longer act,
my answer regularly shocks:
I advertise, in fact!

While some may use their acting skills
for sales of some antacid,
I’m driven to sell little pills
to men ashamed and flaccid.

Regardless of my show-biz past
and studio connections,
my dictate now is hard-and-fast:
to help men get erections.

To critics, I remain unbowed.
I’m pumped—it’s no surprise
that when I face them, tall and proud,
I always get a rise.

by Marlow Abraham

“Scientists call these ‘superhabitable worlds,’ planets that would allow carbon-based life to persist longer and become even more complex and diverse than on Earth. … The stronger gravity of [a] bigger Earth would hold on tighter to ambient molecules than Earth does, giving the planet a thicker atmosphere and a warmer and more stable climate, fueling the growth of extraterrestrial plants and animals…”
—The New York Times

New studies seek worlds better
Than this puny place.
The grass is always greener—
Even out in space.

by F.A. Gerdes

“Police in North Carolina stopped two men who were driving an overstuffed couch—yes, a piece of furniture—on a public road. The men were sitting on the couch, which rested on two rented scooters. Charlotte police said, ‘While we appreciate the creativity … ask yourself: Should this be on a road … ?’”
—Oddacity News

“Officer, why are you being a grouch?
Since when’s it illegal to crash on a couch?”

by Marshall Begel

“McDonald’s has been using AI to decide how much you should pay for a Big Mac”
—TechSpot

I don’t believe AI machines
can ever really “get us”
without embracing haute cuisines
of pickles, onions, lettuce.

With input tied to USB,
they’re surely at a loss
for pondering the mystery
of what’s in “special sauce.”

And how can bits of coding tell
the value of a snack,
when they have never had to quell
a full-on Mac-Attack?

They say the eyes reveal the soul,
but I’d go down a rung—
if judging burgers is the goal,
then give AI a tongue.