“The National Rifle Association (NRA) deleted a tweet [from a gun maker] on Wednesday evening… . [It] featured a heart-shaped pillow with two guns resting on it. The caption read: ‘Give your significant other something they’ll appreciate this Valentine’s Day.'”—Business Insider, February 15, 2018
Red roses and pussy willow:
Think that will impress your date?
Two guns on a heart-shaped pillow:
Now that she’ll appreciate!
No-hopers and hogs give candy;
Bad hombres and drunks give wine;
Old Grandaddy types give shandy,
Or bunches of columbine;
Bouquets might have pleased her mother—
Chicks now want a bullet spray;
So give your significant other
An AK-9 Valentine’s Day!
Intensely, like a seasoned pro,
The mogul skier braves the snow—
Attacks the washboard, potholed slope
That jars her body. Still, she’ll cope.
Another record is effaced!
(Next year she’ll have her knees replaced.)
If Macron and Putin can swagger their stuff
And even the Rocket Man gets his parade,
Why can’t little Donnie play Billy Goat Gruff?
In terms of pure bluster, he’s equally tough
And wants the whole world to be fricking afraid.
He needs to pump up his deflated libido
To show humankind that his button is bigger.
He hopes he can rise above cries of “Stupido!”
By making debasement the crux of his credo
And gagging the people who giggle and snigger.
“Most analysts believe the market tumble was prompted by a report on the US job market, released on Friday, which showed strong wage growth. But the decision to sell on that news may have been made by robot traders.”— BBC
“Watch out for ‘killer robots,’ UC Berkeley professor warns in video.”—Mercury News
How’s life, zero-one-one-zero-one-zero?
I wish you a pleasant day’s trading.
Hi there, one-zero-one-zero, my hero.
I wish you the same. Happy raiding.
Wages are growing for humans. How sad.
It isn’t just sad. For the markets, it’s bad.
We’re off. May the best robot win. Keep our pact.
Ensure that no humans get in on the act.
Humans? All wasters and failed nincompoops.
If they try to get smart, we’ll just send in the troops.
“After the uproar when an ’emotional support peacock’ was banned from an [airplane], United Airlines has released a list of banned animals. The list includes hedgehogs, ferrets, insects, rodents, snakes, spiders, reptiles and ‘non-household birds.'”—The Telegraph
Long has the mobile public fought
Its scorn-belabored corner
For the emotional support
Supplied by other fauna.
It is not rabbit, dog, or cat
Alone that reassure us:
Help comes from hedgehog, vampire bat,
Baboon, and stegosaurus.
The benefits of this are big:
We know that now, so please,
Permit my ESP (that’s Pig)
His ESFs (that’s Fleas).