by Ruth S. Baker
“A Nebraska state lawmaker apologized on Monday after he publicly cited
a… debunked rumor alleging that schools are placing litter boxes
in school bathrooms to accommodate children who self-identify as cats.”
—AP News
The trans-est cat Nebraska has
I’ll back on one condition:
Not self-identifying as
A yowling politician.
by Bruce Bennett
“With April Fool’s Day on Friday, a fake letter
from the city of Auburn is circulating on social media,
telling residents a new law will require pets to wear pants
so as not to expose their genitals.”
—The Citizen
What? Spike go out without his pants,
eliciting a prurient glance?
We will not have it! Let us cover
those parts that designate the lover.
And Josie too. She must be spared
the shame of having privates bared.
Think of our children. Should they see
the wherewithal by which dogs pee?
No, never! Let us now address
this situation we confess
has always made us somewhat queasy.
Although solutions are not easy,
We’ve hit upon one now at last.
Embarrassment is of the past.
Excuses we need no more make—
What’s that? Oh no! The law’s a fake?
by Alex Steelsmith
“The fate of humanity suddenly seems to be in the unsteady hands of an isolated, frustrated,
and potentially unhinged Vladimir Putin… ‘The fact that there’s a very short path from, say, Putin
feeling humiliated to the end of life as we know it,’ the sociologist Kieran Healy wrote, ‘is literally insane.’”
—The Atlantic
Fearfully, tearfully,
life in the biosphere
hangs in the balance of
Vladimir’s wrath.
Sociologically,
life may depend on a
very short path—and a
short psychopath.
by Dan Campion
“As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.”
—Oscar Wilde
“Putin’s puffy coat and Zelenskyy’s T-shirts show the power of fashion in war”
—NPR
Vlad’s fourteen-thousand-dollar coat
Says Power owns the catbird seat.
Zelenskyy’s T-shirts cast a vote
For making all wars obsolete.
One mode looks cool, the other, vile.
Clear fashion choice: Zelenskyy’s style.
by Felicia Nimue Ackerman
“The past few years we’ve seen a lot of conservative criticism about the ‘snowflakes’
at our colleges and universities. . . . Not only do conservative lawmakers whine about
acknowledging the realities of our political and social history; they’re passing laws
against even discussing them. . . . Who are the real snowflakes?”
—From a letter to The Boston Globe
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who’s the frailest of them all?
Who demands complete protection?
Who can’t bear the least objection
To their own unswerving view?
Both sides now? Alas, it’s true!
by Julia Griffin
“Calls have erupted for ethical conflict-of-interest rules on America’s top court after it was revealed
that Ginni Thomas, wife of the supreme court justice Clarence Thomas, pressed Donald Trump’s White House
chief of staff to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election.”
—The Guardian
Carry me back to old Virginni:
That’s where the angry right-wing commentators snort;
That’s where the words warble sweet in the Meadows;
That’s where we’ll find Donald’s own Supremest Court.
Carry me back to old Virginni:
There let me push expectations down and down;
Long by the old Dismal Swamp have I wandered;
Time to collapse now and wallow till I drown.
by Clyde Always
“Wyoming is now encouraging drivers to report roadkill casualties for harvesting.”
—Reason
When chefs in Wyoming are carefully plating
autochthonous game most-delectable,
suppose they might fear for their Michelin rating
if essence of Goodyear’s detectable?
by Paul Lander
Brooks thrown under bus.
For the bus driver’s sake, I
Hope Trump paid in full.
by Chris O’Carroll
“Netflix’s Marilyn Monroe Movie Gets Rare NC-17 Rating for Sexual Content”
—The Hollywood Reporter
The rating NC-17
Is lipstick on an X.
This skin-flick biopic knows green
Accrues to bombshell sex.
Her bare breasts launched a magazine
That launched a thousand wanks,
So now she’s NC-17,
A rating Netflix banks.
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“[S]ex and relationships education has changed in Scottish primary schools”
—The Scotsman
Sex education when I was at school
Was utterly useless to kids on the pull.
Lots about gametes and fertilization;
Nothing on hormones and sexual frustration.
We’d fidget through endless biology lessons,
Impatient for answers to pricklier questions:
A sperm and an ovum engender a brat—
But how do you get to the bit before that?
by Bruce Bennett
WTF! My NFT
now is worthless. Woe is me!
Blockchain blocked this fool I am.
Shoulda stuck with Uncle Sam!
by Chris O’Carroll
“I hereby challenge Vladimir Putin to single combat.
Stakes are Ukraine.”
—Elon Musk
Musk sees the future—auto-driving cars,
Spaceships, a human settlement on Mars,
And one thing more. En route to conquer space,
He’s set his sights on breaking Putin’s face.
Is this the hip new righteous rich boy thing?
Will Gates or Bezos punch out Xi Jinping?
Will Kim Jong-un be told he’s going down
As soon as Richard Branson gets to town?
by Alex Steelsmith
Sting “is ‘appalled’ at the Ukraine invasion and will not play any shows
for anyone connected to the Putin regime.”
—The World News
Willfully-nillfully
Russia’s kleptocracy,
boycotted even by
people who sing,
now has to add to the
oligarch-punishing
sting of the sanctions the
sanctions of Sting.
by Nora Jay
“‘No more switching clocks’: Senate passes act to make daylight saving time permanent:
Sunshine Protection Act needs approval from the House, and the signature of Joe Biden,
to become law”
—The Guardian
We can’t protect Afghanistan,
We can’t protect Ukraine,
But needy Sunshine? That we can!
Protect, protect again!
We can’t protect the Capitol,
We can’t protect the Earth,
But, Congress, when it comes to Sol,
Protect for all you’re worth!
We can’t protect our youth from guns,
We can’t protect the poor,
But when the crisis is the Sun’s,
Protect and damn the score!
by Steven Kent
“Green Credentials of World’s Largest Investor Questioned Over Oil Industry Emails”
—The Guardian
We said We’re all about the green,
The greenest firm you’ve ever seen.
You didn’t ask us what we mean
And now you try to shame us?
The corporate meaning of a word
Will rarely be the one you’ve heard,
And while I’m sure it sounds absurd,
For this we’re fairly famous.
Our claims might be just empty rot,
But green we have, and quite a lot!
Green’s money-colored—you forgot?
Hey, that’s on you; don’t blame us.