by Gail White
“Capybara Quartet Born at Schönbrunn Zoo”
—Zooborns
When I woke up this morning,
the world was still at war
and gas was more expensive
than it was the day before.
The headlines were disasters
except for the debut
of the baby capybaras
at the Schönbrunn zoo.
Hurricanes are forming
and famine is in sight.
The news I went to sleep on
has worsened overnight.
The clouds are dark above me
but skies are bright and blue
on the baby capybaras
at the Schönbrunn zoo.
by Alex Steelsmith
“… 42 Russian colonels have died on the ground in Ukraine…”
—Newsweek
“Russia Is Counting Killed Soldiers as ‘Missing’ to Hide Losses.”
—Newsweek
Jiggery-pokery,
colonels on battlefronts
simply go missing, says
Putin. Forsooth,
while he prevaricates
propagandistically,
one more goes missing: a
colonel of truth.
by Felicia Nimue Ackerman
“…Russia has set out to seize the last parts of the region not controlled by the separatists . . .
[During a call with French and German leaders], Putin emphasized that Russia was working to
‘establish a peaceful life in Mariupol and other liberated cities in the Donbas.’”
—AP News
So Putin’s revving up the war
To make the conflict cease?
He’s back in Nineteen Eighty-Four,
Proclaiming, “War is peace.”
by Julia Griffin
“Man arrested after Mona Lisa smeared with cake
Man, 36, placed in psychiatric care after painting’s display case covered in cake
in apparent climate protest … In 2009 a Russian woman threw an empty teacup
at the painting, which slightly scratched the case.”
—The Guardian
“The Italian name for the painting, La Gioconda, means ‘jocund’ (‘happy’ or ‘jovial’) or, literally, ‘the jocund one’,
a pun on… Lisa’s married name, Giocondo. In French, the title La Joconde has the same meaning.”
—Wikipedia
I fix my eyes on sights beyond.
I cannot dodge. I cannot flee.
It must be nice to be joconde.
I feel I’m staring through a pond.
This glass reflects. It’s hard to see;
I fix my eyes on sights beyond.
If I could wave a magic wand,
I’d change the climate, honestly.
It must be nice to be joconde.
I’m not permitted to respond
When smeared with cake or cups of tea;
I fix my eyes on sights beyond.
La bouche la plus fameuse du monde!
It isn’t easy being me.
It must be nice to be joconde.
I think I’d like to go ash blonde,
Break out and run, unknown and free!
I fix my eyes on sights beyond:
It must be nice to be. —Joconde.
by Steven Kent
“Mr. Banksy, I presume: the councillor who quit over claims he has a secret”
—The Guardian
I’m Billy Gannon! Listen up: I’ve got a job to do,
And frankly I sure wish you’d let me do it.
Why would I lie if I were him? My friends, if this were true,
I’d have the life I want—heck, I’d pursue it!
I’m just a bloke: an artist, yes, half-decent with the paint,
But innocent of that which you’re accusing.
It’s easier to prove now who I am than who I ain’t—
Say, wouldn’t Banksy find all this amusing?
by Clyde Always
“The First Amendment Protects the Right To Put a Tiny Penis on a Beer Label”
—Reason
Sudsily, Pudsily
Flying Dog Brewery
proved in a trial, so
righteously fought:
banning of packaging’s
unconstitutional
whether it features a
package or not.
by Paul Lander
Laura Ingraham blames
Mass shootings on pot smoking.
The “Big Bong Theory.”
by Clyde Always
“Federal agents find sophisticated tunnel under US-Mexico border
and seize almost a ton of cocaine”
—CNN
To New York City’s Subway
and to London’s Underground:
just south of San Diego
a competitor’s been found.
In terms of pure efficiency
this system really shines—
on just a single set of tracks
it runs a million lines.
by Julia Griffin
“Japanese man spends $15,700 on dog costume to fulfill lifelong dream
of transforming into an animal”
—Yahoo! News
How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail?
And how would it work were he skinned-O,
And swapped with a humanoid male?
I love rolling round on the carpet;
I hate to be left on my own;
I long to be somebody’s star pet,
And gnaw every night on a bone.
Some meanies believe it’s just folly,
Or even a waste of good cash,
But I want to live in a collie,
And waggle my nose in your trash.
I don’t want the life of a lizard;
I don’t want the life of a lark;
I just want raw liver or gizzard,
And someone to clap when I bark.
In sniffing I’m just a beginner,
But still I’ve a nose for a sale;
So please let me in, mister skinner,
And sell me that waggly tail!
by Alex Steelsmith
“U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights… ended a long-awaited trip to China with cautious criticism
of the country’s crackdown [on the Uyghurs], balanced with praise for Chinese authorities, in what
rights advocates called a propaganda win for Beijing… ‘The High Commissioner’s remarks were too
non-specific and weak to match the gravity of the situation,’ wrote William Nee [of Chinese Human
Rights Defenders].”
—The Washington Post
Notably, quotably,
human rights advocates
say her remarks on the
Uyghurs were weak;
Chinese authorities,
WaPo-reportedly,
eagerly welcomed her
muyghur critique.
by Felicia Nimue Ackerman
For Gwendolyn Brooks (born 105 years ago tomorrow, on June 7, 1917)
She real cool. She
No fool. She
Talks straight. She
Fights hate. She
Sings loud. She
Sings proud. She
Ain’t shy. She
Can’t die.
by Julia Griffin
“Queen Elizabeth Has Been Known to Catch Bats in a Butterfly Net at Balmoral Castle”
—Town and Country
She has been known. You ask, by whom?
Select observers, we assume;
Who has the task of choosing hats
For when HM is catching bats?
A veil might help; not so a plume.
Balmoral’s bats must sense their doom
To see that regal figure loom:
They’ve learned the looks of autocrats;
She has been known.
It isn’t that there isn’t room,
But batting lifts sporadic gloom,
As does the sight of knights in spats
Attending her with tiny vats:
She’s ninety-six, but can she zoom!—
She has been known.
by Paul Lander
It is so bad that
Moody’s will now be known as:
Extremely Pissed Off.
by Alex Steelsmith
“An ancient Roman bust… missing for decades,” bought “from a Texas Goodwill for under $40”
is “believed to depict Roman commander Drusus Germanicus.”
—USA Today
Prominent, dominant
Drusus Germanicus
once ordered legions to
conquer new lands
far from the shores of the
Mediterranean.
Now forty dollars is
all he commands.
by Steven Kent
“US Man Charged With Wife’s Murder Wins Republican Town Primary From Jail”
—The Guardian
Republican I am, a small-town guy;
I stand for family, liberty, and such.
Pro-life? Of course, though let me qualify:
A fetus? Yes. My wife? Well, not so much.