by Dan Campion

“The First Dinosaur Feather Ever Found Is Still Controversial”
—Gizmodo

When Archaeopteryx stepped out
And strutted down the ramp
To flaunt that feather and to flout
The rules of scale, and vamp,

She shocked the mavens and her peers.
It’s still a rad design
A hundred fifty million years
Of Fashion down the line.

by Brian Allgar

A British wildlife sanctuary has been forced to separate five parrots
who wouldn’t stop swearing at visitors.

“Fuck off, you prick!” the parrot screeched,
And launched a vicious sally,
His mates repeating all his oaths:
“Fat twat! You’ve gone doolally!”
Someone should take these foul-mouthed birds
To Donald Trump’s next rally.

by Chris O’Carroll

After I lose this year’s election,
I’ll make demands and they’ll enforce them.
My treason needs their armed protection.
Do I denounce them? I endorse them!

by Nora Jay

In flight from Tuesday’s bitter matter,
I found before my Googling eyes
Jacassement—the French for “chatter”;
A word I plan to Anglicize.

by Ruth S. Baker

“Subway bread is not bread, Irish court rules
Judge finds that sugar content of US chain’s sandwiches
exceeds stipulated limit and they should thus be classified as confectionery”
—The Guardian

Apprised of a shortage of bread,
The Queen, without losing her head,
Responded: “Gâteau
Is a no-no, I know;
I suggest they eat Subway instead.”

by Orel Protopopescu

A virus sowing misery
is blocking its own way.
This week it gloats, indecently,
but did it overplay?

Trump didn’t mind the ides of March,
the ghost of Herman Cain.
But Covid’s messaging is harsh.
It runs a fierce campaign.

Now Trumpers trampling over graves
to rally are restrained.
Corona kills but also saves
by keeping Trump contained.

by James Hamby

“Police seize 345,000 used condoms that were cleaned and sold as new.”
—Reuters

Recyling was always my choosing—
Why others would balk was confusing.
But I read of some tactics
To clean prophylactics
And for once I’m opposed to reusing.

by Dan Campion

“Well, we’re going to have to see what happens.”
—The President of the United States, when asked about a peaceful transferal of power.

It’s “Perils of Pauline” for Don.
Whole nation’s on the tracks.
He used to play a local con
With guys in sharkskin slacks;

Now Lady Liberty is bound
To Trump Express Train rails.
Her head will roll across the ground
If switch or brakeman fails.

We’ll “have to see what happens” next.
Tune in! It’s just a show—
To Don, who hopes to tweet and text
In the torch’s afterglow.

by Chris O’Carroll

Of course he’ll accept the election results,
If he wins all the votes like that Belarus guy.
He loves autocrats, personality cults,
And laws that say which voters need not apply.

by Julia Griffin

“Daniel Bain loves exploring Barcelona, but one sight has left a lasting impression—a sturdy oak that pops up in the middle of a staircase. ‘I like to think that this tree sat down on these stairs to create a piece of shade for the future and stayed,’ he says.”
—The Guardian

A tree sat down upon a stair:
A sturdy oak. The place was bare,
But firm and flat; the sort that suits
A plant prepared to rest its roots.
From six steps up, this oak surveyed
The future, with its need for shade,
Felt touched, and settled, even though
It could not laterally grow.
In times of baseness and disease,
Let’s celebrate this best of trees,
Extending deftly, deep and high,
From Barcelona to the sky:
A refuge when the mind despairs;
An earthly heaven-tree of stairs.

by Nina Parmenter

After months of encouraging people to eat out, use public transport, go to the gym, return to offices, and send their children to school (or face a fine), UK Health Secretary Matt Hancock said that any future lockdown would be the fault of the public.

You, who downed a pint or five
to keep your favourite pub alive,
You, who rushed to KFC
to buy a bucket made for three
with coleslaw, like we told you to…
This is on you.

You, who packed the trains to flock
to some superfluous office block
and keep the city fatcats fed,
You, who joined a gym to shed
the blubber, like we told you to…
This is on you.

You, who sent your kids to schools—
a promised land for germs, you fools—
and all to dodge our little fines!
And you, who went and stood in lines
for testing, like we told you to…
This is on you.

by Julia Griffin

“I want you to use my words against me. If there’s a Republican president in 2016 and a vacancy occurs in the last year of the first term, you can say Lindsey Graham said let’s let the next president, whoever it might be, make that nomination.”
(Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), February 2016)
—The Hill

“When elections are looming, to cram
The judiciary hurts Uncle Sam;
Should a POTUS incline
To re-stock the top Nine,
I’d condemn him at once as a sham;

“And I want you,” said Senator Graham,
“To deploy my own words like a ram
If I ever confirm
A last-year-of-first-term
Supreme Court nominee.” So I am.

by Coleman Glenn

“Scientists discovered phosphine gas, a sign of life, on Venus.”
—Vox

There was a Venutian on Venus
Who shouted, “Oh no, now they’ve seen us!
Just wait—if I know ’em,
They’ll soon write a poem
Whose last word will not be ‘phosphinous.'”

by Chris O’Carroll

“Trump alleges ‘left-wing indoctrination’ in schools,
says he will create national commission to push more
‘pro-American’ history”
—The Washington Post

Teaching U.S. imperfection?
That amounts to insurrection!
History’s a celebration
Of our freedom-loving nation.
We regard with indignation
Teachers who spread information
From before Emancipation—
Mark them for elimination.
Patriotic education
Gives correct indoctrination.

by Julia Griffin

“Since late July, sailors have reported several encounters with orcas in the Straits of Gibraltar
that tipped one boat sideways and spun others in circles, leaving them rudderless.
There is some speculation that these attacks seemed orchestrated…”
—The Hill

The water round Gibraltar
Tumultuously shudders:
The boldest bosuns falter,
Divested of their rudders.

The sailors’ cries are raucous:
They’re feeling quite ill-fated;
Such awkwardness from orcas
Is surely orchestrated.