by J.P. Celia
Wash the counters. Wash the floors.
Wash the china on display.
Wash the TVs and the doors;
Focus on the knobs, OK?
Wash the infant. Wash the cat.
Wash the spouses, her or him.
Dunk the in-laws in a vat
Filled with caustic to the brim.
Wash your liver and your spleen.
Wash your innards; wash them all.
Rub each molecule and gene
With a squirt of ethanol.
Wash the scummy garden pond.
Wash the forest’s buggy face.
Wash the cloudlets and beyond.
Scrub the oil spill of space.
Wash your laughter. If you weep,
Disinfect each liquid jewel.
Wash your eyelids if you sleep.
Dreams are dirty. So is drool.
Wash these stanzas. Do it quick.
Verse is viral, bad or good.
Poems sicken and make sick.
God, I hope you’ve understood.
by Julia Griffin
“Fossil hunters find evidence of 555m-year-old human relative:
Ikaria wariootia is half the size of a grain of rice and an early example of a bilateral organism …
The researchers say the diminutive creatures are one of the earliest examples of a bilateral organism—animals with features including a front and a back, a plane of symmetry that results in a left and a right side, and often a gut that opens at each end. Humans, pigs, spiders and butterflies are all bilaterians, but creatures such as jellyfish are not.”
—The Guardian
These days when all is virtual and virusy,
And nothing’s even notionally nice,
I’m taking some vicarious
Delight in these Ikarias:
My kin, the size of half a grain of rice.
They all possess a tiny plane of symmetry,
And open at each end for you know what;
I find these Wariootias
Bilaterally beauteous!—
As creatures such as jelly fish are not.
by Nora Jay
“Cave find shows Neanderthals collected seafood, scientists say…
‘Forget about this Hollywood-like image of the Neanderthal as this half-naked primitive
that roamed the steppe tundra of northern Europe hunting for mammoths and other megafauna with poor and inefficient weapons,’ said [an expert]. ‘The real Neanderthal is the Neanderthal who is in southern Europe.’”
—The Guardian
With so much else to sacrifice, one thing I never shall:
This Hollywood-like image of the crude Neanderthal,
Who roamed the steppe half-covered (by the Board of Censors’ rules),
Pursuing megafauna with his inefficient tools.
So now we’re asked to think of him sashaying down the shore,
Designing dainty meals of moules and Lobster Thermidor?
This rugged, macho primitive, adored by MGM,
Is now a clever sissy, downing crayfish à la crème?
That thought I’m trying to forget, so don’t remind me, pal.
Meanwhile, the real Neanderthal’s a real Neanderthal.
by Chris O’Carroll
Suddenly they love the children.
Right-wing oldsters want to die
For the younger generations.
That’s so sweet. I wonder why?
When kids march against a threat like
Climate change or shooting sprees,
They’re just punks who hate our nation,
Every Fox News fan agrees.
Now, though, time to save the children
(And Wall Street) from deadly harm.
Old conservatives are rolling
Up their sleeves to buy the farm.
by David Hedges
“NASA fixes ‘stuck’ InSight Mars lander by ‘telling it to hit itself with shovel’”
—The U.S. Sun
NASA’s InSight lander shows
What every scientist now knows:
The planet Mars is not as dead
As they suspected once. Instead,
Seismometers reveal it shakes
The way Earth does. (They’re called Marsquakes.)
Some nifty onboard sensors track
Its gale-force winds and transmit back
To Earth the daily pressure range,
As well as how the seasons change.
One gauge, however, had bad luck:
The lander’s digging probe got stuck.
It may have been a wayward rock
That caused the unexpected block.
The rod-shaped digger, dubbed “the mole,”
Refused to dig a simple hole,
Denying scientists a clue
To how the planet looked when new.
They figured they would have to bore
Down deep to find how hot the core
Was. Anyway, that’s what they planned.
They built the rod to slide through sand,
But heavy dirt was what they found.
Their resolution was profound:
They asked a farmer, and he said,
“Just knock the mole upside the head.”
It took a year, and lots of skill,
But finally they freed the drill.
by Dan Campion
The straight-faced Covid lineup stands
At Our Dear Leader’s back,
Guts twisting into ampersands
At each new bold attack
The Genius makes on truth, the facts,
Best practices, and reason,
Alert that if their brow contracts
He’ll have them tried for treason.
Then, “Thank you, Mr. President,”
One or another says,
While stepping up, by angels sent,
To part The Boss’s haze.
Amid the national agony
And general irritation,
Dear Task Force, for the grit we see:
Our pure, spaced-out ovation!
by Ruth S. Baker
“Twin ring-tailed lemurs born at Chester zoo…
The twins are 15cm (6in) tall and weigh just a few hundred grams, described as being ‘no bigger than tennis balls with [‘iconic black and white’] tails’.”
—The Guardian
This week, two ring-tailed lemurs
Were born in Chester Zoo.
Two tiny, two-tone screamers
This week, two ring-tailed lemurs,
With less than four-inch femurs,
Were born. You ask what’s new
This week? Two ring-tailed lemurs
Were born in Chester Zoo.
by Bruce Bennett
Tra la Tra la
Go wash your hands.
Don’t touch your face.
If someone stands
Too near, report them.
Sweet birds sing.
Keep windows open.
Happy Spring!
by Brian Allgar
This damned Coronavirus gets me down!
The pubs and bars are closed all over town.
There must be one still open! Let me think …
To do that, though, I really need a drink.
by Chris O’Carroll
“I don’t take responsibility at all.”
—Donald Trump
The press says nasty things about the virus.
Why do they think the buck should stop with me?
My answer to whatever they inquire is
That I don’t take responsibility.
I’m unconcerned about the nation’s health,
Or deaths among your friends and family.
I watch the Dow, I dream about great wealth,
And I take no responsibility.
This is the art I bring to every deal.
Let’s blame the Chinese this time. Don’t blame me.
Whatever pain you suffer, I can’t feel.
I never take responsibility.
by Julia Griffin
“Arnold Schwarzenegger and his tiny horses urge people to stay home …
[in a Twitter video] featuring the actor and two pets, miniature horse Whiskey and donkey Lulu…”
—The Guardian
Poster boys for prudent courses,
Calming as a metronome,
Arnold and his tiny horses
Urge the nation: Please stay home.
If you’re feeling rather wonky,
If you’ve got the virus scare,
Gaze at Arnold’s dinky donkey
Nuzzling his midget mare,
And absorb their wise advices
(They endorsed what Arnie said):
Outside’s nice but twice as nice is
Watching things like this in bed.
by Ruth S. Baker
To lighten our virus ennui,
The Met’s sharing broadcasts for free;
I escape my malaise
In Parisian cafes,
Till I die of (delightful!) TB.
by Nora Jay
The value of the moral life
Grows clear as we grow antsier.
Best not Covid your neighbor’s wife,
However much you fancy her.
by Dan Campion
“Florida governor calls out spring breakers for ignoring coronavirus warnings”
—Fox News
“If I’m curt with you, it’s because time is a factor.”
—Harvey Keitel as The Wolf in Pulp Fiction
While certain types binge-watch old soaps
Or Nature Channel antelopes,
And bookish sorts sit reading Poe,
Mann, or—my man—Boccaccio,
All hunkered down as they’ve been told,
I note—and I don’t like to scold—
You bunch of jokers fail to heed
The Covid guidelines. Thus you breed
A virulence you oughtta fear,
But risk it all to swill some beer
And hook up on a crowded beach.
You should be swabbing knobs with bleach.
You’ve got no concept of disease!
Exert some caution. Pretty please.
