by Clyde Always
“NYPD puts out steamy, cleavage-bearing wanted poster as it looks to bust sultry robbery suspect”
—New York Post
Juggity-thuggity,
Lucie the fugitive
showed, in a pic that’s been
widely discussed,
two very prominent
idiosyncrasies,
leading police to her
newsworthy bust.
by Thomas Germana
“‘I’d like to be pope,’ Trump told reporters outside the White House. ‘That would be my number one choice.’”
—USA Today
He’d like to be pope, he (half-) jokingly said,
Appointed the pontiff in Francis’s stead.
Believing he’s holy, he’d have it arranged,
Ignoring of course that he’s wholly deranged.
By Marshall Begel
“At a mountain resort in eastern China… officials have spent millions building a sprawling network of outdoor escalators
designed to deliver visitors to the summit of a 1,500-meter mountain…”
—Vice
Must mountain vistas be reserved
for those considered steely-nerved,
who learn to keep their fears in check
in preparation for the trek?
Or should such sites be modified
so anyone can take a ride
up multitudes of moving stairs
(that likely need nonstop repairs)?
Although a trail may be expanded,
no fate is worse than being stranded,
and those who count on moving parts
are people with the stoutest hearts.
by Dan Campion
“President Says He Could Bring Back Wrongly Deported Man, but Won’t”
—The New York Times
I won’t, and you can’t make me, see.
I’ve got my own reality.
What I say goes. It’s what must be.
That guy’s a gangster. Just like me.
by Julia Griffin
For Tam
“A Michigan federal judge… ordered an East Lansing, Michigan, firm called Dragon Lawyers PC
to stop plastering its pleadings with a large, suit-clad purple cartoon dragon, saying it’s not only
‘distracting, it’s juvenile and impertinent.’”
—Law360
A purple dragon in a business suit
Will render an attorney’s action moot.
From this unprecedented case we find
The scales of Justice are a different kind.
by Julia Griffin
“Historians dispute Bayeux tapestry penis tally after lengthy debate: Two Bayeux scholars at loggerheads
over whether dangling shape depicts dagger or the embroidery’s 94th phallus”
—The Guardian
Experts differ on the tally
Of Bayeux’s embroidered phalli.
It’s agreed by both our sources
There are 88 on horses,
But the 16 fixtures dangling
From the men have sparked some wrangling.
One of these, the most obtrusive,
Seems bizarrely inconclusive:
Expert 1 says: “Dagger! Gracious!”
Expert 2 thinks that’s fallacious.
by Dan Campion
“Hidden magma cap discovered at Yellowstone National Park”
—ABC News
The headline looked like “maga cap.”
I wondered, “What in Hades? No!”
But checked again my mental map.
How oddly buried feelings flow.
by Steven Kent
“Pope Francis’s last sacrifice in a lifetime of sacrifice: Granting an audience to JD Vance”
—The Guardian
Suppose you’re Pope:
You wear the hat,
A man of hope
And love, all that.
You reach death’s door:
Your final glance
Reveals a boor,
One JD Vance,
A man with whom
You’ve no accord—
Beyond the tomb
You’d ask, “Why, Lord?”
by Clyde Always
“Barefoot Florida man wrangles 7-foot alligator with trash can in insane video”
—New York Post
Toeity-showity,
Dragich of Jacksonville
wrangled a gator, sans
footwear or socks.
Fans are in awe of his
extemporaneous
exploit. Perhaps now he’ll
pick up some Crocs.
by Marshall Begel
“OpenAI boss Sam Altman has admitted that saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to chatbots like ChatGPT is stacking up tens of millions
of dollars in computing costs. … [He] quipped it was ‘tens of millions of dollars well spent.’”
—EuroWeekly News
Religion asks, when people pray,
They use decorum to convey
Their gratitude for things received,
And summaries of things they need
In hopes that, when they meet their ends,
Their virtue brings them dividends.
So why should people make a scene
When I’m polite to some machine?
I think it’s worth some social friction
Because I know, from science fiction,
When AI drones turn self-aware,
Those rude to tech won’t have a prayer.
By Alex Steelsmith
“A Kentucky man named Art Weston… has a knack for snagging giant fish. He reportedly holds 40 world records,
but this one truly set the bar… The gar weighed 153 pounds, and it took… hours to land it.”
—Men’s Journal
Higgledy-snaggledy,
Weston the fisherman
characteristically
raises the bar;
breaking his fortieth
ichthyological
record, he lands a gar-
gantuan gar.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Scuba couple tie the knot underwater”
—1440 News
Higgledy-goggledy,
scuba-masked witnesses,
closest relations and
nearest of kin,
gazed at the wonderful
soon-to-be-newlyweds,
awed by the moment and
soaking it in.
Steadily, treadily,
wedding participants,
somehow performing with
elegant poise,
made the occasion seem
semi-traditional;
bridesmaids were girls, and the
ushers were buoys.
by Chris O’Carroll
“The Trump administration is considering a $5,000 ‘baby bonus’ to every American mother after she gives birth…”
—ABC News
Produce a kid and score a cool five grand.
Help us repopulate this once great land.
Or make it 10 grand! We will supersize you
If you choose Elon Musk to fertilize you.
by Bruce Bennett
“Astronomers Detect a Possible Signature of Life on a Distant Planet … The Trump administration is
reportedly planning to cut NASA’s science budget in half. … If that happens, [an astrobiologist] said,
‘the search for life elsewhere would basically stop.'”
—The New York Times
There may be life on K2-18b.
With any luck, we’ll someday get to see.
But meantime, there’s a problem. We now fear
there soon may be no life worth living here.
by Nora Jay
“An emotional [Katy] Perry explained her song choice [“It’s a Wonderful World”] in her landing interview
[after the first all-women space flight]. ‘… [I]t’s not about me, it’s not about singing my songs, it’s about
a collective energy in there… And it’s about this wonderful world that we see right out there and appreciating it.
This is all for the benefit of Earth.'”
—Entertainment Weekly
I see blobs of green, blue patches too:
I’m far above, with Gayle and the crew,
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world!
I see skies of blue, then more like black;
It’s good to know we’re coming back,
And I sing to the rest,
What a Wonderful World!
The contours of this spacesuit
On me are pretty great:
I’m like a Star Trek extra
From 1968;
I see five other stars looking chic in blue:
They’re really thinking, “Interview!”
It’s not about me, no, not a bit:
It’s really all
For Earth’s benefit,
And I say to Big Jeff:
“What a wonderful world …”
And I say to Big Jeff:
“What a wonderful world.”