“Hiring a private fire crew costs thousands of dollars a day… Some wealthy property owners are calling them in directly.” —The New York Times
For corporate investors, famous actors and their ilk, I’ll don the red suspenders of asbestos-woven silk. For I’m the firefighter of the rich and well-connected, Where houses shown in magazines are rightfully protected.
With tunic by Armani, matched with flame-retardant pants, I use the finest water from a mountain stream in France. Oh, how I love to hear the children’s happy little voices, When thanking me for saving their Jacuzzis and Rolls Royces.
“Volkswagen van that survived Palisades fire in Los Angeles is a ‘beacon of hope'” —The Guardian
The hippies knew A thing or two: VW vans Are maybe man’s Best motor deal. So much appeal: No speed, no tricks, But cheap to fix; No muss, no fuss, This microbus, And now we learn The thing won’t burn!
“The annual No Trousers Tube Ride event has returned in colourful fashion as people stripped down to their underwear and hopped on the London Underground.” —The Guardian
The annual No Trousers Tube Ride Is booming as never before! Don’t stand there and blush like a new bride: Just push those bare legs through the door! The suavest, most chic city slickers, The veriest bumpkin and rube Are stripping to long johns and knickers And hopping half-nude on the Tube!
The yearly untrousered commuting Gives joy to the brightest and best, From Cockfosters southwards to Tooting, From Barking to Slough in the west. We gape at the garters some slyboots Is flourishing, pert and overt: (It’s not thought the thing to wear thigh boots, Or even a scrap of a skirt).
The trouserless troglodyte transport Cares nothing for sleet or for snow: The feet of each woman and man sport Wet socks with a vaporous glow. What brainwave could serve as a segue? What vision could match it in pride? It’s making such headway, such legway, This rousing, no-trousering ride!
“Male stripper reveals ‘crazy’ cheating trend for brides…’” —New York Post
Tell me, My Darling, I’m dying to know: how did your bachelorette party go? All innocent fun with the ladies, I swear! They gave me a sash and tiara to wear. We nibbled hors d’ oeuvres and went light on the sauce. You play any games? A little ring toss…
“Pluto May Have Captured Its Biggest Moon [Charon] After an Ancient Dance and Kiss… Some 4.5 billion years ago, the dwarf planet Pluto was suddenly joined by a companion. For a very brief period … they danced … before gently separating…” —The New York Times
Pluto’s face as rough as bricks, Charon left him for the Styx. Burma-Shave
Said he’d had enough of spooning, Turned his back and started mooning. Burma-Shave
When first kisses are abrasive, Lovers tend to be evasive. Burma-Shave
“Steve Bannon condemns Elon Musk as ‘racist’ and ‘truly evil'” —The Guardian
For once, I’m in agreement with Steve Bannon: He says that Musk is evil through and through, A racist, egomaniac loose cannon … The problem is, Steve Bannon’s evil too.
“The Common Good Awards 2025 are to businesses that “inspire philanthropy … by encouraging staff to go into the community to help people in need.” —Rhode Island Monthly
If your company is steering, Then there’s ample room for doubt That you’re truly volunteering— What’s the cost of opting out?
“Carbon atoms in our bodies travelled galaxies before returning on cosmic ‘conveyor belt’” —Manchester Evening News
Not only are we “star stuff” but We’re mass-produced, like cars! No wonder we find every rut, And each new speed bump jars. We’re quarried, sorted, sifted fine. “Conveyor belts” come next; We’re then assembled on the line. Born instantly perplexed, We roll down on the avenue, Run into scrapes and jams, And get recycled, when we’re through, As future models’ prams. From Henry Fords to Adam Smiths To Ra hand-crafting pharaohs, Our atoms circulate like myths And rocket like Pierce-Arrows.
“Dark Energy May Not Exist. … The truth could be much stranger— bubbles of space where time passes at drastically different rates. … ‘Dark energy is a misidentification […],’ says [physicist] David Wiltshire.” —Science Alert
Abracadabraca, famous dark energy might not exist? It’s a cryptic remark,
leaving the rest of us non-astrophysicists semi-ironically still in the dark.
