“President Trump’s Halloween party at Mar-a-Lago, set to the theme of ‘The Great Gatsby,’ re-enacted the decadence of that story’s licentious era … The revelatory moment says so much about where we stand today—and what we could be lurching into next.” —The New York Times
Gatsby’s back, alive and well. Let the country go to Hell! Drink and spend and have a ball! Who says rising things must fall?
Who says we can’t spend and spend? That “good times” are bound to end? That one can’t just say “Old Sport” and think that will hold the fort?
Party on, and bust, and break! All is for the taking. Take! Spoils are for the Well-To-Do. Raise your glass to You Know Who.
Raise your glass and fork that cash! Who says there will be a Crash? See that Oval Office gleam? Make a nightmare of the Dream.
Snatch huge profits from the loss. Then, pay homage to the Boss. Never suffer shame or doubt.
“Judge shocked as officer joins court meeting over Zoom without wearing pants” —Fox
His Honor grants a legal stay allowing press its exposé about an officer in court whose wardrobe choices came up short as long as no reporter probes what judges wear beneath their robes.
“Slang terms like ‘six-seven’ have no definition. But they’re loaded with meaning” —The Guardian
The kids who spout this gibberish today Must learn to speak in words both pure and true. If they should still refuse the proper way, Hey, 23 skidoo!
We’ll school ’em till the cows come home, for sure, In phrase and elocution while we can. Their slang and nonsense, no one should endure— Your father’s mustache, man!
“Tyra Banks is launching ‘hot ice cream’… a creamy, dreamy consistency that can be sipped from a cup…” —CNN
So, Tyra Banks announced her drink debut? But I’ve already crafted such a brew:
My mocha cappuccino with a hint of caramel, vanilla, peppermint, a healthy splash of heavy whipping cream infused with almond concentrate, then steam till just about a boil, with room for rice milk, sprinkled with a dash of pumpkin spice.
But I suppose I’ll try hers for a span, at least till Starbucks lifts my lifetime ban.
“New Jersey [police] officer charged after going out for pizza instead of responding to shooting” —The Guardian
Our officers are dedicated, to the nth degree. Okay, so Sarge Bollaro wasn’t right where he should be The night he stopped for pizza as two locals lay here dyin’, But hey, at least he didn’t order Cali or Hawaiian!
“Trump Suggests He Knows He Can’t Run Again: ‘It’s Too Bad'” —The New York Times
I can’t run again… That’s a shame, it’s too bad— when I’ve been the best POTUS that you’ve ever had. I would not be allowed, based on what some have said (though I’ve heard I could run as the VP instead).
But I won’t use that loophole, I think it’s too cute. And the POTUS, not Veep, holds the clout absolute. I think Marco would make a good Prez, or else Vance. (It’s a real goddamn shame I can’t get a third chance.)
Continuing past ‘28 surely beckons, but of all the Amendments, the damn 22nd’s the reason I’ll have to leave office unwillingly (There must be an end-run; you know this is killing me…)
My polls are the highest, my fame is white-hot. And I had one term stolen, in case you forgot. The economy’s great, with the stock market high. In the POTUS ranks, folks—I’m your Number One guy.
Now, that pesky Amendment? I’d just like to strengthen it: forget a third term; take the second and lengthen it. For those who object, I’d most likely respond that I’ll rule ‘til I’m dead—and a few years beyond that.
“A charismatic, tweed-wearing grower from Perthshire falsely claimed to be able to create thriving tea plantations in Scotland. His elaborate deception took in luxury hotels, media outlets and tea growers across the country” —The Guardian
A tweed-wearing grower from Perth Observed the deplorable dearth Of local-grown tea So he grew some (said he), And he milked it for all he was worth.
The experts first hailed him, but soon Indignantly altered their tune: Now shown as a sham, Mr. Tweed’s in a jam, And they’re specially sorry in Scone.
“’White-knuckled wolf spider’ thought lost is rediscovered on Isle of Wight” —The Guardian
Spider, spider, out of sight Hidden on the Isle of Wight, Greeted by the experts’ chuckles With your pallid spots or knuckles, Though by most not known or missed, Great news that you still exist!
“Looking at art in galleries can provide immediate stress relief, study finds” —The Independent
I go to exhibitions when I’m anxious; It’s very therapeutic and it’s free. My worries get forgotten while I ponder, Now what the hell is this supposed to be?
“‘Quiet as a whisper’: German firm launches ad campaign after lift used in Louvre heist” —The Guardian
A Böcker lift’s the perfect tool, So smooth and silent from the start; It’s crafted like a priceless jewel And made to steal an owner’s heart. The showroom’s where you’ll go to see ’em (There, or at a French museum).
“Year 12 students from at least eight schools in Queensland were taught the wrong topic for their final history exams … Students were meant to study Julius Caesar, but the affected pupils instead learned about his nephew Augustus, according to the Queensland Curriculum and Assessment Authority.” —The Guardian
Caesar was switched on the Queensland Curriculum, Something he’d surely have thought quite ridiculum. This lot, Authorities? He’d soon demote ’em. Here was a Caesar! Accept no nepotem!
