by Steven Kent
“Trump’s Revenge Now Includes His Takeover of the Kennedy Center”
—The New York Times
No Mozart, no Bach,
Just Nugent and Rock.
No drama today—oh,
Book Sorbo and Baio.
No humor that’s deep
(Rob Schneider works cheap).
No opera—too tragic;
Get card tricks and magic.
No art in this hall;
No artists at all.
by Paul Lander
Just one thing’s whiter
Than the city’s roadways now:
House Committee chairs.
by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
“Depending on how you read it, New Zealand’s latest tourism tagline can be a well-meaning plea
for people to visit—or a threat to kick Kiwis out. ‘Everyone Must Go!’ reads a slogan printed across posters
of people in New Zealand’s majestic landscapes—part of a NZ$500,000… campaign unveiled on Sunday.”
—BBC
Enticing more Australians to buy
Vacations in New Zealand, as a must
Experience to have before you die,
Requires a catchy slogan you can trust
Your natives not to ridicule and razz
On-air or otherwise. And yet (it’s true!)
New Zealand’s answer to this challenge has
Epitomized how not to ballyhoo
Majestic landscapes: “Everyone must go!”
Unwowed by half a million dollars blown
So dumbly, Kiwis want the state to know
The slogan is tone-deaf … Yet, could its tone
Get Aussies so intrigued, they long to come
On over, just to see who’d be so dumb?
by Bruce Bennett
“White House Bars Reporter From Event Over A.P.’s Use of ‘Gulf of Mexico’…
[The A.P.’s executive editor said] they were informed by the White House that the news organization
would not be allowed to attend the event if the outlet did not start using ‘Gulf of America,’
the name President Trump decreed… “
—The New York Times
It’s not “the Gulf of Mexico.”
To interview the Prez,
you’ve got to toe the party line
and follow what he says.
So if tomorrow he decides
he’s calling it “Trump Bay,”
then that is what it’s going to be,
and that is what you’ll say.
by Steven Kent
“Thieves steal 100,000 eggs from trailer in Pennsylvania as prices spike”
—The Guardian
We’ll crack the case real soon, you’ll see;
We plan to fry such folk.
These hard-boiled crooks belong to me,
And I’m not blowing smoke.
They run a shell-type company;
They’re poaching eggs (no joke),
But in the penitentiary
They’ll bear a heavy yoke.
by Iris Herriot
“Elon Musk’s son X, perched on father’s shoulders, steals the spotlight at Oval Office”
—The Economic Times
Up on his daddy’s neck he lolls,
Musk upon Musk, like Russian dolls.
The nation’s seat of power behold,
Looked down on by a four-year-old.
by Ruth S. Baker
‘Total chaos’: Monkey blamed for nationwide power cut in Sri Lanka
Energy minister says monkey ‘came into contact with grid transformer’,
causing hours-long outage in sweltering heat”
—The Guardian
This outage is an outrage! And Sri Lanka needs to know:
How could one creature’s antics cause a nation’s grid to blow?
Attempts at explanation have so far been very thin.
What kind of system lets an unelected monkey in?
by Nora Jay
“If American democracy can survive 10 years of Greta Thunberg’s scolding, you guys can survive a few
months of Elon Musk.”
—J.D. Vance, Vice-President of the United States, to the European Union
For ten whole years we’ve wanted her to can it,
This nagger droning on about the planet.
Oceans and forests, birds, some sort of bear,
Plastic inside the food chain. Scare, scare, scare.
Though whittled down by Biden to a husk,
Democracy survived, as you will Musk.
Elected, no, but surely you prefer
His RIPs to elegies from her,
And here’s a bonus: if these “crises” grow,
NOAA’s extinct, so no one has to know.
by Marshall Begel
“’Please, Philadelphia, I implore you as your mayor: Do not climb light poles or anything else,’
Parker said at a news conference about [Super Bowl] celebration preparations.”
—NBC
Spike the lamp posts, grease the poles,
Lock down everything that rolls?
Cordon off the boulevard?
Call the Pennsylvania guard?
Think of all the funds we’d save
If our fans would just behave.
by Julia Griffin
Earth’s poor need USAID?
Earth’s richest man does not agree:
The agencies have all gone dumb,
Which means belt-tightening for some.
Pubescent geeks have changed the locks;
Now drugs are sitting on the docks
In Port Sudan: you say they’ll rot?
Tell one who cares, for DOGE does not.
The scientists are muzzled, so
The climate’s fine, for all we’ll know;
We’ve lost the Green New Deal because
It’s Biden’s scheme, like paper straws.
Musk knows his DOGE will make mistakes:
He goose-steps on, while Congress shakes;
The law may try to do its bit,
But Thomas is on top of it.
The GOP observes and cowers,
Applauding as it’s stripped of powers;
We too can see our rights decreased
For all of four more years! At least.
by Steven Kent
“Trump has the billionaire class running scared”
—Washington Examiner
“Jeff Bezos ends support for climate group amid fears billionaires [are] ‘bowing down’ to Trump”
—The Guardian
Bigger cares now
Dwarf their riches;
Billionaires now
Turn Trump’s bitches.
Someone, show a
Bent for brawls here—
Bezos, grow a
Set of balls here!
by Steven Kent
“The MAGA backlash against Trump’s crypto grab: ‘This is bad, and looks bad'”
—The Guardian
It’s nice to know we found the point where MAGA draws a line
(Not insurrection, sadly, but okay, whatever, fine).
A currency untraceable’s attractive, I suppose,
To any modern con man, not to mention crypto bros,
Yet Donnie’s crummy coins don’t strike the latter as a gift—
Oh glory, hallelujah, even they now spot the grift!
by Alex Steelsmith
“Some discoveries are hard to stomach—literally… [A] 66-million-year-old vomit fossil
[has been found]… Regurgitalites, or fossilized vomit, are rare… [This one is attributed to]
a Cretaceous-era predator, possibly a fish…”
—NBC
Jiggery-pukery,
certain discoveries
have the potential to
make us feel sick.
What can we say about
fossilized remnants of
ichthyological
vomitus? Ich.
by Julia Griffin
“Donald Trump Jr accused of killing protected bird in Venice lagoon:
Italian politician said a video posted online showed Trump Jr with a ruddy shelduck while on hunting trip”
—The Guardian
If somebody says to you “Venice,”
What image occurs to you first?
Pink marble or shadowy menace?
Fair Portia or Shylock, accursed?
Bellini, or Otway preserving?
Du Maurier not looking now?
A Doge (why should that be unnerving?)?
A mask on a gondola’s prow?
Brave Corvo pursuing completion?
Sweet Milly pursued by Kate Croy?
Calvino, that meta-Venetian?
Poor Aschenbach’s beautiful boy?
Or do you, despite such bombarding
From artists in oils and in words,
Now find yourself glumly regarding
Trump Junior demolishing birds?