“Massachusetts man buys $395,000 house despite warnings it will ‘fall into ocean’ David Moot nabs ‘dream’ Cape Cod home next to eroding cliff in imminent danger of crumbling due to climate crisis” —The Guardian
Your dream may soon become a nightmare if
Your house, however cheap, falls off a cliff—
A cliff which, owing to the climate crisis,
Is dwindling, like the local housing prices.
But whatsoever happens to the planet,
Brave Massachusetts Man stays firm as granite:
He’s moving in! Let’s hope he keeps the joint
For long enough to christen it Moot Point.
“Woman accused of stealing casket with body inside from Las Vegas funeral home… [and] dumping the remains in the process… [T]he body in the casket ended up lying in landscaping in front of the business.” —KLAS
Plundery blundery,
caskets in funeral homes
shouldn’t be stolen, as
everyone knows.
Sometimes, according to
criminological
experts, the body of
evidence shows.
“Trump… said that he had seen stories on TV about pets being eaten…” —The Independent
“There’s a family named Simpson whose kid’s stayed a baby
For 36 years—such a terrible thing!
And a sponge that wears pants! And a frog that can sing!
So I promise you, folks—there’s no if, there’s no maybe—
I’ll end these atrocities once I’m elected:
No clothes will be wasted on sea life again!
Voice lessons will be just for human-type men!
And of course I’ll keep going until we’ve ejected
Those dangerous people—my god, they appall!—
Who have kept their poor daughter so horribly small.”
“Claim unisex police trousers cause squashed testicles” —BBC
A cop is trained to handle situations
With fortitude and zeal and not to grouse,
But how d’you question folk who won’t stop laughing
Because you sound like Mickey bloody Mouse?
“New Hampshire governor helps choking competitor at lobster roll eating contest: Chris Sununu performs Heimlich maneuver on Christian Moreno, who recovered
and went on to eat nine rolls” —The Guardian
When Chris saved Chris, all lauded his compassionate acuity,
But some pedantic types observed the headline’s ambiguity.
You think (they said) the test was eating lobster rolls? Worth heeding;
Let’s put that first, and yet it’s only one potential reading.
Perhaps we’ve been distracted by the thought of pot or oven or
Eating at all, and actually the contest was for governor.
A third suggestion: we have misinterpreted the roll.
It was, in fact, plain bread, which lobsters had to swallow whole.
Fourth: could we run these two together? Governor Helps Rival—
A lobster, who was gorging past all prospects of survival.
There’s one more possibility we can’t avoid invoking:
The prize was not for eating, nor for governing, but choking …
Well (they concluded). Chris S, you helped someone/something, Thank you!
And may New Hampshire never seek a lobster to out-rank you.
* There is also the possibility that Mr. Sununu himself is a lobster.
“Over half of those surveyed had no idea that a John Dory was a spiny fish; 12% mistakenly thought ‘he’ was a famous poet, according to the Marine Stewardship Council poll.” —Zoe Wood in The Guardian
A strange neglect dogs poor John D.
Once star of poets by the sea,
Who won prize after major prize
With touching thoughts on how Time flies.
Unlike another J.D. (Donne)
Whose fame it seems will run and run
Few know his name or quote his lines
While some fixate on fins and spines.
So, let us now forget the Dean,
Whose memory still is glowing green,
Till Dory, sunk without a trace,
Ascends to take his rightful place.
“Harry Potter fans boo as King’s Cross ends ‘back to Hogwarts’ tradition Fans at London station left disappointed after fictional train’s departure not announced on public address system” —The Guardian
There’s bitterness this morning at King’s Cross.
A broomstick-toting crowd begins to boo,
Disgusted by this unexpected loss:
The Hogwarts train is canceled! Yes, it’s true:
It’s gone. What’s public transport coming to?
Before you know, some jobsworth will have banned
The ice cream floats en route to Candy Land.
No easy route to Gotham City now.
You’ll have to get to Bedrock on your feet.
Crossing the Looking Glass? Please tell me how.
Some Moriarty’s certain to delete
All railway lines that run to Baker Street;
Next up, the sieve that bore the Jumblies, and
The ice cream floats en route to Candy Land.
They’ve stopped the bus to Hundred Acre Wood.
They’ve taken off the shuttle to Toad Hall.
You can’t reach Avonlea as once you could,
And nothing runs to Middle Earth at all.
We’ll go no more to Asterix’s Gaul,
But still in dreams we’ll see them drift, unmanned:
The ice cream floats en route to Candy Land.
“California lawmakers want to… [require] technology in your car to warn you when you’re speeding. Safety advocates say speed assistance technology can reduce traffic deaths, but critics say California is moving too fast.” —NPR
Should cars inform us when we speed?
Say Californians: “Yes!”
(As long as cars don’t start to snitch
When we don’t stop, I guess.)
“Engineers Gave a Mushroom a Robot Body And Let It Run Wild” —Science Alert
I clicked. I saw. I wondered, Why
Not make a robot pizza pie
Whose sausage flew it, like a drone
That homed in on my door by phone,
To feed my ever-so-smart house
With crumbs to treat the robot mouse.
