“CIA admits 1953 Iranian coup it backed was undemocratic”
—The Guardian
Thinking of Al and John Dulles,
Whose labors left millions undone:
The world keeps on turning
While burning and burning
Because of their war that we “won.”
Undemocratic? You think so?
When voters spoke, we said No deal!
BP was quite worried;
The Agency hurried
To make the Shah’s reign appear real.
Next we went south of the border,
Declaring Guzmán had to go.
United Fruit needed
Him out, so we heeded
Their call—Guatemala, hello.
Soon we were dreadfully busy
In Chile and elsewhere, alas.
Crushed many a rise in
The Left, sent our spies in
(With troops, on occasion, en masse).
Seventy years, and we’re finally
Confessing we made a mistake.
Americans? Snowed ’em.
Iranians? Showed ’em
That we choose who catches a break!
“Every decade since the 19th century, the average American’s body temperature has declined
from 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit by 0.05 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s probably because we have better
living conditions now than in the past, which reduces inflammation, and therefore body temperature.”
—Motherly
Heltery-sweltery
bodily temperature,
back when conditions of
living were quite
antediluvian
(pre-19th-century),
must have gone up to a
staggering heit.
“Release the Kraken!” Sidney Powell
Made that a trending MAGA howl.
Alas, no monster from the sea
Appeared for her. She copped a plea.
Her testimony, say predictions,
Could lead to bigger-fish convictions.
“Every mascot has its thing. Some dunk. Others flip. As for Ellie the Elephant,
the mascot for the New York Liberty women’s basketball team? She twerks.”
—The New York Times
An elephant twerking?
For Decency’s sake,
is nothing now working?
Give us a break!
We don’t like complaining,
but elephant’s ass?
If that’s entertaining, please! Give us a pass!
“Patrick Mahomes ‘felt a little bit of pressure’ for Travis Kelce to score with Taylor Swift watching”
—Today
Lest Taylor should swiftly get bored,
I threw Travis the ball, and he scored!
But after the game,
as Trav left with his dame,
did those two put more points on the board?
“From deep within a papyrus scroll that has not been read in almost 2,000 years and would crumble to pieces
if unrolled, researchers have retrieved a handful of letters and a single word: ‘porphyras,’ ancient Greek for ‘purple.'”
—The New York Times
Porphyras: murex fish; the dye thereof: Unique discovery, hard work to gain; Rushing (of sea, or blood); a precious rain Poured into reeds; color of death, of love, Lured from an ancient shell: purport’s impasse Erupts, however briefly. Porphyras.
“Pumpkin weighing 2749 lbs wins California contest, sets world record”
—AP
The Pumpkin mopes. “2,000 lbs and dropsical:
My flesh is mush, my roots are downright swimming;
I’ve higher water-content than a popsicle,
And still that bully yells: ‘What are you, slimming???’
“I’m gorged with mulch, I’ve endless indigestion,
And still it’s all impatience and reproach.
O Fairy Squashmother! What’s your suggestion
For getting me in shape to be a coach?
“White mice? To make me move you’d need a rhino—
That’s just to have me squelch along the ground;
You’d have to fit my innards out with lino,
Or poor young Cinderella could be drowned.
“Now see me on some heavy-duty platform:
Three cheers! I’m crowned the Grossest Gourd of All!
Before I plummet, ending up in splat-form,
Won’t someone take this Pumpkin to the Ball?”
“Michigan woman pulled from outhouse toilet after climbing in for Apple watch”
—The Guardian
If hiking through the river dale,
Enjoying summer air,
You lose your way along the trail—
Don’t give in to despair!
Just call my name—I will not fail
To lead you back from there.
If summer storms come at their worst
And smash your ship at sea,
To leave you with a brutal thirst
And clinging to debris,
Call out my name—I will be first
To find and rescue thee.
If you should drop your pricy phone
Into the outhouse muck,
And climb into that hollow throne
Becoming good and stuck,
Then call my name—you’re not alone!
I’ll come and… wish you luck.
“A parrot has been reunited with its owner three years after it was stolen in France—
after shouting out its name to police. … When police seized the talkative bird… it began to squawk,
‘Jako, Jako, Jako’—a traditional name for parrots in France, like Polly. But one of the cops remembered
that a colleague who had lost his parrot with the same name in 2020 told fellow officers that
the bird would say its name if found…”
—The New York Post
A parrot foiled its thief by shouting, “Jako!”—
A tale which sounds to me completely wacko:
Gendarmes would surely mock that owner’s folly
Who chose to call his bird the French for “Polly.”
If I’d a parrot, I would have it listed
As “Thisbe Theft” or maybe “Iris Isted”;
Or (though the less articulate might scoff)
Another choice would be “I. Wanda Doff.”
I want a name a stolen bird would shout right:
Like “Rob Berree” or possibly “Nick Doutright”;
But—though I see the charm of “Don Ignoreme”—
I’d plump for “Ivan Ownerwaitingforme.”
“Todd Dillman [was in a Florida harbor] when he spotted a bear in the water…
He said the scene became even more shocking moments later… ‘I came back around
and looked over and he’s on the sailboat… walking back and forth, across the bow’
[attracting] a crowd of onlookers.”
—UPI
Steadily, treadily,
one ursine prodigy
swam in the bay, raising
many a brow—
not only that, but this
seafarer-wannabe
proudly, before he was
through, took a bow.
