“The Milwaukee Art Museum (MAM) will now be free for kids age 12 and under through an anonymous gift of $3.54 million. The gift will enable the museum to… fund the admission waiver in perpetuity. … ‘I’m just beyond words, so deeply grateful, and so excited that this will impact generations of kids to come… It’s so exciting… the generosity of spirit… is again just such a tremendous gift,’ [said a museum officer, who also said] describing the gift as ‘transformative’ would be an understatement.” —ArtNews
Readily, steadily, MAM’s upper management praises the donor, and can’t seem to quit.
Clearly, they’re moved by this mega-philanthropy which, like the kids, they will freely admit.
“Miller High Life releases dive bar perfume…” —The Independent
One whiff of Miller Beer’s perfume Returns you to that smoky room, Where boomers crowd around a booth, Exchanging stories of their youth— Of touchdowns scored and passes missed, The high school crushes almost kissed.
Where scent of beer and cigarette Can almost make a man forget The ways in which the future strays So far away from glory days.
“New neuroscience research upends traditional cognitive models of reading” —PsyPost
The speech-production area Engages right away With “humbug” and “malaria” And anything we say On paper page, or post onscreen, Or scrimshaw on a shell. So writers, kindly keep it clean. The brain’s a temple bell.
“‘I’m acutely aware that I’m, you know, could go any day now but I don’t know why it doesn’t concern me,’ [99-year-old] Van Dyke says. ‘I’m not afraid of it.'” —The New York Times
I know we’re all supposed to say We’re not afraid to die. But when you claim to feel that way, I want to ask you why. You think it’s fine to step aside Because your work is done? No way I’ll take that as my guide— I’m having too much fun!
“Collector eats world-famous 6.2 million dollar banana” —CNN
When I was young, before I knew what art was all about, I tried to charge a million dollars for a Brussels sprout. I put it on a pedestal and placed it under glass, but all the critics told me not to be a silly ass. I little knew that all the wealth I dreamed of would befall if only I had duct-taped a banana to the wall.
I could have sold that sucker for 6 million (lucky me!) to some fat cat whose billions came from cryptocurrency. And he’d have eaten it before it had a chance to rot, but I’d have said, “Who cares?” while spending all the dough I’d got! I’m feeling quite embittered at the way my life turned out… I might have gone bananas, but I backed a Brussels sprout.
“Archaeologists Uncover 60,000-Year-Old Complex Structure Created by Neanderthals” —SciTechDaily
Oh, how the headline raised my hope Neanderthals had built A Parthenon! What depth! What scope! Why do my spirits wilt? Sad news. The “structure” underground, So long detached from view, Was apt but somewhat less profound: A pit for making glue.
“Vandals Destroy Ebenezer Scrooge’s Fictional Tombstone Featured in a Film Adaptation of ‘A Christmas Carol’” —Smithsonian
He saved his curtains; not, alas, his grave, Now smashed to pieces. What a shock for him! He’d thought the world embraced him and forgave: He helped the Cratchits, cherished Tiny Tim, Showered charity on all, and turkeys too, Kept Christmas all year round—yet still that huge, Appalling fear, the unloved tomb, came true. No friends remain for EBENEZER SCROOGE.
So it appeared. But look again: you’ll find Full restitution, gratis! It turns out All that’s required of us is to be kind; Scrooge learned the lesson, put those ghouls to rout, And passed it on to us. The harm’s undone; The name’s made new. God bless us, every one!
“There’s only so much resistance that Republican senators can muster. Only so many times that lap dogs this thoroughly muzzled can bark.” —op-ed in The New York Times
Do not expect a bloodbath. There won’t be barks and yaps. These tamed dogs will stay quiet. Oh, just a few perhaps
May growl a bit or whimper to show the way they feel, but they will still stay muzzled and, when they’re told to, heel.
“Target gives Santa Claus a ‘weirdly hot’ makeover in viral ad” —The Independent
There’s a rumor that Santa has got a new look aimed at middle-aged women, attempting to hook them with various fanciful products (if bought, he might list them as someone a little bit naughty).
So, whether you’re needing a hand from an elf or prefer to go solo (a do-it-yourself-er), New Santa leaves other stores looking diminished By guiding your efforts until you have finished.
Forget about sugar plums, milk and a cookie— This year you’ll have visions of Santa Claus nookie.
“Good heavens! Work starts on Família’s spire after 140 years.” —The Times
As we gawp at Gaudi’s vision inching slowly to the skies, That it’s still unfinished business shouldn’t come as a surprise. For as anyone who’s ever used a builder will recall, Delays like this are only too familia to us all.
Hooray for Wisdom! May she thrive! Not only is she still alive, She’s laid an egg and has a mate. She’s proof that it is not too late
At any age to play the game. Buck up! It could be just the same for you. Unfold your wings and soar. Have flings. Dance jigs. Live more, and more!
Don’t let them tell you you are through. That wouldn’t be fair and isn’t true! Age brings great joy, as well as loss. At least, if you’re an albatross.
Orcas have begun to wear dead salmon as hats, a trend not seen since the 80s. —multiple sources
Killer whales are lately found wearing hats in Puget Sound. Large and shiny, curled or flat, salmon is the favored hat. Orcas envy every friend who can sport this fashion trend. So what if salmon goes to waste? There are other kinds of “taste.” Soon, from Maine to South Majorca, we’ll see hats on every orca.
“‘A very poor idea’: Julia Roberts rejected Richard Curtis’s proposed Notting Hill divorce sequel. [However,] Hugh Grant was happy to prove the lie of a happy ending for his ‘despicable’ character” —The Guardian
When William and Anna tied the knot in Notting Hill, A world of women wept with joy. Myself, I’m weeping still To think that Anna—hugely rich, divine in every limb, And famous as the Moon—should find a man as nice as him: A man for whom his little sister’s birthday had more worth Than some enchanted evening with the hottest date on earth; Whose oath was “Whoopsy-Daisy!” and default reaction “Sorry”— How fortunate the film star who could capture such a quarry! But now it seems their author, far from being so bewitched, Was planning out a sequel where the two would be unhitched; And Hugh, once Will, applauded this, envisaging with glee Unhappy children, lawyers’ tricks, and all-round misery. So honor Anna-Julia, who still can recognize That niceness isn’t something that the married should despise, And gentle bookmen don’t deserve your taking of the mickey— Not even if your bio rates 12,000 words on Wiki. To do so ranks among those very poor ideas which Are no less often to be found among the very rich: A sneeriness whose value proved to be precisely nil When William and Anna tied the knot in Notting Hill.
