by Alex Steelsmith
“Qatar banned the sale of beer at World Cup stadiums on Friday,
a sudden U-turn on the deal the conservative Muslim emirate made…”
—AP
Higgledy-swiggledy,
beer-loving soccer fans
finding their party a
bit of a dud
take in the tournament
non-alcoholically;
Budweiser’s profits are
nipped in the Bud.
by Jerome Betts
In their opening World Cup game, the first since
1958, the Welsh team led by Gareth Bale managed
to secure a 1-1 draw with the USA in the 81st minute.
A report on performance—G. Bale’s—
In a match west of Doha for males.
First half: not so hot.
Second: penalty spot . . .
And a last-moment screamer for Wales!
by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
“Could Twitter collapse or go bankrupt?”
—The Guardian
The planet’s richest man has bought a firm
Worth scarce a fourth of what he had to pay.
It’s drowning Twitter’s boss in drang and sturm—
The new Chief Twit is feeling broke today!
An exodus of engineers who do
Not want to be extremely hardcore nerds
Depressed his advertising revenue
To where now Twitter’s strictly for the birds …
While Donald Trump’s restored account lies mute,
If all who used to tweet should make the choice
To move across to Mastodon and toot,
Then who would still use Twitter as their voice
Except the Twit? … Would he then tweet, to him,
Remorse for buying Twitter on a whim?
by Dan Campion
“Looking to leave Twitter? Here are the social networks seeing new users now”
—NPR
With what’s on offer—Mastodon
(Sad fate, like Montezuma’s),
Hive Social (bees are looking wan),
And Post (as in “posthumous”)—
Thank goodness I’m not looking to
Leave Twitter, now or ever,
That grapevine sour through and through.
When did I sign up? Never.
by Bruce Bennett
“Feeling sad or hopeless, sleepier than usual and lacking energy in recent weeks?
These mood changes could be a sign of seasonal affective disorder (SAD)…”
—The Washington Post
It’s true that I suffer from SAD,
And I fear I may even go mad.
But it’s not cold or snows
Or how the wind blows.
It’s the fact that the news is so bad!
by Phil Huffy
“A pair of worn-out Birkenstock sandals that Steve Jobs wore during the time he founded Apple
in his garage have been sold at auction for $218,750. Julien’s Auctions originally estimated
the brown suede and leather sandals would go for $60,000 to $80,000.”
—CBS News
That Apple fellow’s Birkenstocks
have brought a price which simply shocks.
One wonders how such footwear, used,
could fetch that much; I’m so confused.
Has anyone, to date, adored
the Florsheims worn by Henry Ford?
Did Patton’s boots have such a day?
Or Madame Curie’s loafers, eh?
Do students of fine art recall
the splattered sneaks of Marc Chagall?
It seems old shoes are best forgot.
The Ruby Slippers? Maybe not.
by Paul Lander
Met The Donald twice
I wish I could remember
How small his hands were.
by Julia Griffin
“Florida Man Makes Announcement”
—New York Post
I met Murdoch on the stump:
He’d demoted Donald Trump
To the status of a ghost
All across the New York Post.
Now poor Trumpty’s time has gone,
And DeFuture looks like Ron;
Doubting this is quite erroneous:
Ron’s DeSaint while Don’s DeMonious.
by Chris O’Carroll
Kari Lake
Wails, “The news is fake!
This claim that I lost the election
Calls for another insurrection!”
by Nora Jay
We’ve just seen off the Hazard,
The Horrible Hazard named Oz.
We knew him as a medical haz,
And that’s what his statecraft was.
If ever a meddlesome biz there is,
PA will inveigh: “That biz is his!
So let him graze his crudités because
We’re done with this snake-oil Santa Cloz:
Diddledy-diddledy-dee!
We’ve just seen off the Hazard,
The Horrible Hazard named Oz!”
by Alex Steelsmith
“As [protesters glue themselves to artworks] throughout Europe, museums consider how to respond.”
—Smithsonian Magazine
“German artist Werner Härtl creates intricate paintings… using a surprising medium: cow dung.”
—Ripley’s.com
Sniffity-whiffity,
feculent canvases
offer advantages,
Werner has found;
when he exhibits them,
self-gluing protesters
characteristically
don’t stick around.
by Bruce Bennett
“ …visitors on Thanksgiving Day get to tour the farm, enjoy pie
and hot cider, cuddle with the turkeys and feed them treats such as cranberries and grapes… ”
—The Washington Post
“Come snuggle with a turkey.
We do at Gentle Barn.
Okay, yes, it is quirky,
but it’s rewarding. Darn,
Don’t say you won’t adore it,
but if it’s not for you,
we’ve got the answer for it.
Our cows will snuggle too.
So will our horses, donkeys,
our llamas, sheep, and goats.
You won’t see them as flunkies
as you cling to their coats.
You’ll see them as your brothers
and sisters. You’ll know why,
as you embrace those others,
we serve our turkeys pie.”
by Jerome Betts
“UK inflation jumps to 11.1% on back of
energy and food price rises.”
—The Guardian
“Pound Cake . . . £2 each”
—Sign in Devon
Alas, our once near-solvent nation
Is in the grip of cruel inflation
Which leaves us all severely troubled
With pound cake’s price already doubled.
by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
“Rise in back pain and long-term sickness linked to home working”
—The Guardian
It’s the ergonomy, ye stooped! You spent
Two years hunched over laptops on a bed,
Settee or kitchen stool, and now you’re bent
Too out of shape for office work instead.
Home working wasn’t introduced to wreck
Employment, but you had no Peloton
Elliptical to stretch your back and neck,
Relax your nerves and put a damper on
Godawful posture twisting up your spine
Or aggravating wrist and shoulder strain—
Numb digits make it hard to type this line:
Off sick today with carpal-tunnel pain …
My moral’s clear: Be glad of your commute—
You get away, and stretch yourself to boot!
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“Hoppy IPA beers may lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s, study suggests”
—The Independent
When barroom conversation starts to sputter—
A joke falls flat or someone makes a gaffe—
The married men will pull a face and mutter,
“My wife thinks I’m in here to have a laugh.”
But regulars are healthcare pioneers
Whose spouses really ought to thank, not curse, them
For selflessly consuming hoppy beers
So that their wives will never need to nurse them.