BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT The Emphysemic Dinosaur Some sixty million years ago,in a prehistoric town,where flakes of hot, volcanic ashforever tumbled down,there lived a gruff tyrannosaurwhose claws were tinted brown. This emphysemic dinosaurwas always blowing smokein spite of much admonishmentfrom fellow dino-folk.“Keep lightin’ up like that,” they’d say,“and, soon enough, you’ll croak!” But, undeterred, […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT The Cautionary Tale of Scrollin’ Joan There once was a girl called Scrollin’ Joanwhose face was always glued to her phone.From the time she was just a couple years old,day-in and day-out she scrolled and scrolled.If ever her feed would scroll to a stop,“No matter,” she’d say. “I’ll scroll to […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT Extra Innings At a glistening diamond, some boys once met—a dozen and six in all.On an afternoon they would never forgetthey picked up a game of ball. The pitchers—they pitched, and the catchers—they caught;each batter—he strove for a run,but after those first nine innings were foughtthe tally was 1 to […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT A Waiter’s Plight He’d rather not have served itafter such a busy night,but still he offered them dessertbecause he felt it right,and though they didn’t want itas their belts had gotten tight,they ordered a dessert from him(but just to be polite). Clyde Always is an accomplished cartoonist, poet, painter, novelist […]
by Clyde Always “NYPD puts out steamy, cleavage-bearing wanted poster as it looks to bust sultry robbery suspect”—New York Post Juggity-thuggity,Lucie the fugitiveshowed, in a pic that’s beenwidely discussed, two very prominentidiosyncrasies,leading police to hernewsworthy bust.
by Clyde Always “Barefoot Florida man wrangles 7-foot alligator with trash can in insane video”—New York Post Toeity-showity,Dragich of Jacksonvillewrangled a gator, sansfootwear or socks. Fans are in awe of hisextemporaneousexploit. Perhaps now he’llpick up some Crocs.
by Clyde Always “Female jogger reveals she open carries while working out—and urges other women to run with a gun: ‘Protect yourself ladies’”—New York Post Will someone please call the police?I’ve been shot and the bleeding won’t cease.To the chick with the gunwho was out on a runI exclaimed: “What a nice little piece!”
by Clyde Always “Ohio driver dropped his doughnut—and caused devastating 3-car crash that flattened 1 vehicle”—New York Post Glazity-hazity,Buckeye State motorist,irked when his donut fellunder the dash, might have experiencedhypoglycemia—sugar consumption canlead to a crash.
by Clyde Always “NYC school’s pet chicken dies in egg-laying tragedy despite parents shelling out $2K in vet bills”—New York Post Dear Parents, your children are greatly distraughtby the death of their chicken who valiantly foughtfor her life and she’ll always inhabit a spotin our hearts—now, her vet bills came out to a lotand I’m […]
by Clyde Always “Nutritionist recommends eating like a baby to lose weight”—New York Post Nutritionist Nicolette Paceconvincingly stated a caseto “eat like a baby.”Misreading her, maybe,I tried and got slapped in the face.
by Clyde Always “Memphis man in bed with lady friend shot in leg—and claims dog pulled the trigger”—New York Post A puppy (though don’t ask me how)put a gun to his owner and—POW!Then, once the smoke cleared,it’s likely he jeered:“Hey Buddy, who’s playin’ dead, now?”
by Clyde Always “Florida man swallows $769K stolen diamond earrings from Tiffany & Co,asks cops if he’ll be charged for ‘what’s in my stomach’”—New York Post I was jolted, as off to the pokey I went,by the deepest of all my epiphanies:that swallowing jewelry’s not what they meantwhen they titled it “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”
by Clyde Always “Pamela Anderson’s no-makeup SAG Awards look adds Old Hollywood glamour”—USA Today Fairity-rarity,Pamela Anderson,brave in no makeup, isaging with grace. Dermis developingnonelasticity?Hardly a reason forhiding your face.
by Clyde Always “Bianca Censori made her jaw-dropping debut at the 2025 Grammysalongside Kanye West… in a completely sheer mini dress.”—Page Six An eye-catching story:Bianca Censorishowed up to the Grammysin ebony fur. This coat was concealinga dress quite revealing—she posed in it brieflyand left in a blur.
by Clyde Always “Bills season ends in AFC championship loss to Chiefs”—Sports Illustrated For my sister Those rosy, faithful fools out in the snow,whose football team’s forever blizzard-tossed:more die-hard fans the game will never know. Their zeal they showed, in 10-degrees-below,by smashing plastic tables, stiff with frost—those rosy, faithful fools out in the snow. They […]