by Clyde Always “Dermatologist arrested after her husband secretly recorded her allegedly poisoning him with Drano…” —NBC News Uckity, Yuckity Yu, Dermatologist, fed hubby Drano, the newspapers note. Maybe her motives weren’t toxicological; could be the man had a clog in his throat.
by Clyde Always “The metaverse platform Somnium Space plans to let its users’ personas live on. … Live Forever would instantiate a digital avatar of the user based on vast amounts of information collected as he or she interacts in Somnium Space” —Reason Virtual, Hirtual, Somnium Metaverse offers indelible life in the mesh. There, you’ll […]
by Clyde Always “Rep. Glenn Thompson Voted Against Same-Sex Marriage, Then Attended His Gay Son’s Wedding” —Rolling Stone This marriage-equality bill I abhorred. It flies in the face of the word of the Lord! Now, if you’ll excuse me… Would those in the room please all raise a glass to my son and his groom?
by Clyde Always “Hong Kong’s iconic giant floating restaurant capsizes in South China Sea” —USA Today A nautical eatery sank to its grave when rescuers found it too flooded to save. I bet it was cursed by a slip of the lip (some waitress had prayed for a newsworthy tip).
by Clyde Always “25 employees suffer burns after hot coal team-building event in Switzerland” —New York Post To break the ice, sometimes the Swiss walk barefoot over steaming coals. The argument for doing this, presumably, is full of holes.
by Clyde Always “The First Amendment Protects the Right To Put a Tiny Penis on a Beer Label” —Reason Sudsily, Pudsily Flying Dog Brewery proved in a trial, so righteously fought: banning of packaging’s unconstitutional whether it features a package or not.
by Clyde Always “Federal agents find sophisticated tunnel under US-Mexico border and seize almost a ton of cocaine” —CNN To New York City’s Subway and to London’s Underground: just south of San Diego a competitor’s been found. In terms of pure efficiency this system really shines— on just a single set of tracks it runs […]
Featured PoetAlex Steelsmith Spotlight: Alex Steelsmithby Julia Griffin Book Reviewsby Barbara Egel Poems by…Gilbert AllenClyde AlwaysAlex BarrBruce BennettJerome BettsHilary BiehlJane BlanchardLaura J. BobrowDan CampionJ.P. CeliaMary CookPat D’AmicoTerri Kirby EricksonAndrew FrisardiDaniel GalefDavid GalefNicole Caruso GarciaClaudia GaryStephen GoldJulia GriffinDavid HedgesMichael HeydLily Jarman-ReischDerek KannemeyerSteven KentJean L. KreilingSeth LererKathleen McClungBruce McGuffinBob McKentyEd MeekMike Mesterton-GibbonsTimothy MurphyJames B. NicolaChris O’CarrollJames PenhaD.A. […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT Classical Clerihews Polyphemusthought he wouldn’t seem asabsurd and comicalwith a contact lens instead of a monocle. Nausicaalived on Corfu, or maybe Sicily or even Corsica.She didn’t sign her work, through modesty,but may be the real author of The Odyssey. Circewas told “Men are swine” by Nursie.Growing up she thought, “To […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT Burgerdämmerung In the beginning was money,and gentrification was good.So the Spirit of Urban Renewalsaid, “Eve’s Diner stays! Understood?” But soon there was trouble in Eden.Some snake told a customer fibs.His faith in her twin patties shaken,the first man embraced a McRib. The neighborhood followed McAdamswiftly, though often unseen.Now nothing’s afloat […]
by Clyde Always “Investigators say [a student] got a hold of some marijuana edibles at home and brought them to school. The child shared them with other students, causing more than 15 to become ill at school on Friday.” —ABC News Stoner kids in all my classes come to school baked off their asses! Easy, […]
by Clyde Always “Google is pausing a controversial ‘inclusive language’ feature that … proposes gender-neutral alternatives to words like ‘policeman’ or ‘housewife’ in a manner similar to the way that other software services correct spelling and grammar issues.” —The Washington Times I’m here to confirm the new headlines are true: although they’re still tracking near […]
by Clyde Always “Mike Tyson appeared to attack a fellow passenger on a Wednesday night flight…” —New York Post At Mike Tyson I aimed a few jeers (perhaps I’d had too many beers) and though I’m concussed, I feel that I must be thankful I’ve both of my ears.
by Clyde Always “Wind energy company kills 150 eagles in US, pleads guilty” —Associated Press Raptory, Snaptory, NextEra Energy proved to the public (in so many words) harnessing wind would be environmentally friendly if only it weren’t for the birds.
by Clyde Always “Wyoming is now encouraging drivers to report roadkill casualties for harvesting.” —Reason When chefs in Wyoming are carefully plating autochthonous game most-delectable, suppose they might fear for their Michelin rating if essence of Goodyear’s detectable?