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by Bruce Bennett

“White House Bars Reporter From Event Over A.P.’s Use of ‘Gulf of Mexico’…
[The A.P.’s executive editor said] they were informed by the White House that the news organization
would not be allowed to attend the event if the outlet did not start using ‘Gulf of America,’
the name President Trump decreed… “
—The New York Times

It’s not “the Gulf of Mexico.”
To interview the Prez,
you’ve got to toe the party line
and follow what he says.

So if tomorrow he decides
he’s calling it “Trump Bay,”
then that is what it’s going to be,
and that is what you’ll say.

by Steven Kent

“Thieves steal 100,000 eggs from trailer in Pennsylvania as prices spike”
—The Guardian

We’ll crack the case real soon, you’ll see;
We plan to fry such folk.
These hard-boiled crooks belong to me,
And I’m not blowing smoke.
They run a shell-type company;
They’re poaching eggs (no joke),
But in the penitentiary
They’ll bear a heavy yoke.

by Iris Herriot

“Elon Musk’s son X, perched on father’s shoulders, steals the spotlight at Oval Office”
—The Economic Times

Up on his daddy’s neck he lolls,
Musk upon Musk, like Russian dolls.
The nation’s seat of power behold,
Looked down on by a four-year-old.

by Ruth S. Baker

‘Total chaos’: Monkey blamed for nationwide power cut in Sri Lanka
Energy minister says monkey ‘came into contact with grid transformer’,
causing hours-long outage in sweltering heat”
—The Guardian

This outage is an outrage! And Sri Lanka needs to know:
How could one creature’s antics cause a nation’s grid to blow?
Attempts at explanation have so far been very thin.
What kind of system lets an unelected monkey in?

by Nora Jay

“If American democracy can survive 10 years of Greta Thunberg’s scolding, you guys can survive a few
months of Elon Musk.”
—J.D. Vance, Vice-President of the United States, to the European Union

For ten whole years we’ve wanted her to can it,
This nagger droning on about the planet.
Oceans and forests, birds, some sort of bear,
Plastic inside the food chain. Scare, scare, scare.
Though whittled down by Biden to a husk,
Democracy survived, as you will Musk.
Elected, no, but surely you prefer
His RIPs to elegies from her,
And here’s a bonus: if these “crises” grow,
NOAA’s extinct, so no one has to know.

by Marshall Begel

“’Please, Philadelphia, I implore you as your mayor: Do not climb light poles or anything else,’
Parker said at a news conference about [Super Bowl] celebration preparations.”
—NBC

Spike the lamp posts, grease the poles,
Lock down everything that rolls?
Cordon off the boulevard?
Call the Pennsylvania guard?

Think of all the funds we’d save
If our fans would just behave.

by Julia Griffin

Earth’s poor need USAID?
Earth’s richest man does not agree:
The agencies have all gone dumb,
Which means belt-tightening for some.
Pubescent geeks have changed the locks;
Now drugs are sitting on the docks
In Port Sudan: you say they’ll rot?
Tell one who cares, for DOGE does not.
The scientists are muzzled, so
The climate’s fine, for all we’ll know;
We’ve lost the Green New Deal because
It’s Biden’s scheme, like paper straws.
Musk knows his DOGE will make mistakes:
He goose-steps on, while Congress shakes;
The law may try to do its bit,
But Thomas is on top of it.
The GOP observes and cowers,
Applauding as it’s stripped of powers;
We too can see our rights decreased
For all of four more years! At least.

by Steven Kent

“Trump has the billionaire class running scared”
—Washington Examiner

“Jeff Bezos ends support for climate group amid fears billionaires [are] ‘bowing down’ to Trump”
—The Guardian

Bigger cares now
Dwarf their riches;
Billionaires now
Turn Trump’s bitches.

Someone, show a
Bent for brawls here—
Bezos, grow a
Set of balls here!