Read our current issue by clicking on the cover below. Read Light‘s poems of the week
Poems of the Week
Call a Medium, or Maintenance?
by Marshall Begel
“”How many homeowners think their house is haunted? A majority, survey finds…
thanks to eerie things like unusual sounds and flickering lights…”
—Yahoo!News
When someone in a house expires,
Their ghost may linger in its wires
Telling you about their plight
Through flickers of electric light.
Or some may settle in the plumbing,
Banging, rattling or humming
Stories of a troubled spirit,
In hopes someone alive will hear it.
Despite the fuss, I stay undaunted,
Living in a house that’s “haunted.”
I’d rather deal with minor scares
Than face the thought of home repairs.
Exile on Sesame Street
by Steven Kent
“‘It’s quite galling’: children’s authors frustrated by rise in celebrity-penned titles”
—The Guardian
Keith Richards wrote a children’s book?
That market needs some narrowin’.
His editors took one good look
And laughed, “We spell it heroine.”
Mich. Understanding
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“A quick guide to swing state Michigan”
—BBC
I think I better make it clear
To readers here in the UK,
A swing state in America
Is one which could vote either way.
It doesn’t mean that Michigan
Is where to go on holiday
To meet with other couples who
Are “open-minded,” shall we say.
It Should Have Been Over
by Erika Fine
When he claimed that his fame
Meant a crotch was “fair game,”
It should have been over then.
When he mocked a reporter
With an inborn disorder,
It should have been over then.
When he said he is better than
A brave “loser” veteran,
It should have been over then.
When synagogue goers
Were brutally slain,
He whined that his hairdo
Was wrecked by the rain.
It should have been over then.
He sought votes—artificial!—
From a Georgia official.
It should have been over then.
He did not stop his gang
When they said Pence should HANG.
It should have been over then.
When he vilified Haitians
With absurd accusations,
It should have been over then.
He’s deceitful, uncivil,
With his grievance-filled drivel.
It should have been over by now.
And yet here we are.
A Thorny Issue
by Alex Steelsmith
“Prickly mayor [of Plettenberg in North Rhine-Westphalia] bans cactus plants
in buildings… after a man [injured] himself on a cactus…”
—Sky News
Far away, a journalistic
pundit read the news, and quickly,
finding it paternalistic,
called the mayor in question prickly.
Surely, from a potted cactus
government need not protactus.
Cockatoodle-oo
by Julia Griffin
“Cockatoo rescued after ‘living on brioche’ for four weeks inside Sydney supermarket
NSW environment minister hopes ‘Mickey will be flying free by tomorrow’ after successful
capture by wildlife services”
—The Guardian
The Sydney supermarket cockatoo
Flies free at last. All I can say is, Gosh;
How has it kept itself so buoyant through
Four weeks’ worth of Australian brioche?
Final Call
by Stephen Gold
“[New Zealand] Airport sets three-minute limit on hugs”
—The Times
The hour has come to part, dear,
And bid our last goodbye.
Sweet longing fills my heart, dear.
Time flies, and so must I.
Alas, we must be chaste, dear,
Though kisses are divine,
Or else we will be chased, dear,
For holding up the line.
As deep emotion swells, dear,
We drain the bitter cup,
Just as some killjoy yells, dear,
Now move along! Time’s up!
Severance Service
by Marshall Begel
Proxy resignations are “a rapidly growing service for Japanese workers who can’t bring themselves to hand in their notice in person.”
—The Guardian
For twenty bucks I’ll take your letter
And place it in your boss’s hand,
Explaining that this way, it’s better,
And how you hope she’d understand.
But if you can’t just walk away,
I’ll offer you this special deal:
For fifty dollars more I’ll say
Exactly how you really feel.
(For more witty poems, read our current issue or visit our Poems of the Week archive)