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WEEK OF DECEMBER 22

by Chris O’Carroll

“Nick Fuentes, an unabashed admirer of Adolf Hitler, said President Donald Trump went too far—even by his standards—with his ‘despicable’ remarks about Rob Reiner the morning after the famed director and his wife were found stabbed to death. ‘This is ugly rhetoric. It is ugly, it is actually evil,’ Fuentes said on his show on Monday. ‘Forget for a moment that we are in a war— someone gets murdered by their son, it’s a horrific tragedy. This is a horrible story, and nobody deserves that. I don’t care what their politics are.’”
–Mediaite.com

Your day of reckoning has come
When even Nazis think you’re scum.

by Julia Griffin

“Relief and reward for passengers as Rome’s ‘museum stations’ finally open … Colosseo-Fori Imperiali contains the remains of a Republican-era townhouse and a thermal bath believed to date back to the beginning of Rome’s imperial period, and 28 wells that were used long before the first aqueduct was invented. Dozens of relics found during the metro station’s construction are displayed behind glass screens, including jugs, bowls and votives, such as a stag’s antlers and hairpins, found in the wells.”
—The Guardian

Commuters rushing past the ancient Fora
Rejoice to find at last they need not dally.
Now there are working trains, not just an aura,
At Colosseo-Fori Imperiali.

But should they choose to do so, they’ll discover
Delights undreamed of: horns and other votives
To charm the heart of every knowledge-lover
Dependent on the City’s locomotives.

One day, our era may return the favor.
When all we’ve built is buried ten yards under,
I’d like to think that some inventive paver
Will hit on something generating wonder:

A toothbrush—maybe sacred? Bits of freezers
With fragments still inside? Perhaps a stocking
Will join the treasure-coffers of the Caesars,
And seem no less exciting, no less shocking

To those to whom we’re even now bequeathing
Signs of the funny ways we live and die:
Proofs that this place was really run by breathing
Bodies with brains, not cobalt with AI.

by Steven Kent

“House Republicans pass health care plan without re-upping insurance subsidies”
—Politico

Insurance, no—
We’re deaf to all your pleading.
Here’s Motrin, though,
And Band-Aids for the bleeding.

All’s well, God bless;
Your welfare won’t impact us.
It’s simple, yes:
We preach what we malpractice.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“My daughter earns more than me—should I still gift her £200 for Christmas?”
—The i Paper

Yes, do it every year as an investment,
And when you reach old age with all its ills,
You’ll have a healthy balance in the guilt bank,
To shame her into covering your bills.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Study finds dropping an expletive can raise confidence and help people push harder during physically demanding tasks”
—The Guardian

For topmost performance condition,
Be boosted by disinhibition,
Opines Richard S—
Meaning dare for success
By repetitive F-bomb emission!

by Steven Kent

“You don’t need alcohol on Christmas Day. It may be far more enjoyable if you stay sober”
—The Guardian

No whiskey, no vodka, no beer?
No liquor of any kind here?
You want me to try
The holidays dry?
You don’t know my family, my dear.