by Steven Urquhart Bell

“It’s nearly my mid-life birthday…”
—Scotland on Sunday

I told my friends and family and everyone I know
To not make any fuss although it is the big five-oh.
It’s not that big a milestone. I’m not a bloody prince.
The bastards took me at my word. We haven’t spoken since.

—The Chronicle Of Higher Education

by Bruce Bennett

Is Twitter what’s making us “stupid and mean”?
Why bother with arguments? Go to the scene.
Check out what your colleagues have said about you.
Then trash them with tweets that are vicious, but true!

by Jerome Betts

“An ill-timed pinch by a man named Pincher meant the end
for British Prime Minister Boris Johnson…”
—New York Post

Cliff-hanger, true, an inch-by-incher,
After, inebriated, Pincher
Left MPs groping for the clincher.

The piglet’s hide was thickly greased
But now they’ve seized the shameless beast!
(Its fairground act, though, not quite ceased.)

At last, it seems, we can breathe free
And trust that we shall never see
A PM worse than Johnson, B.?

No, all is not yet hunky-dory.
Although Fate’s closed his horror story,
Whoever’s next will still be Tory!

by Steven Kent

“Agents seize phone of ex-Trump lawyer who aided effort to overturn election”
—The Guardian

By serving Trump I did the nation’s bidding
So no, I wasn’t acting on my own—
Oh hell, the feds are searching through my phone.
Hey fellas, all that stuff I said? Just kidding!

by Alex Steelsmith

“NATO reaches a deal with Turkey to admit Sweden and Finland.”
—CNBC

“Russia has repeatedly warned Finland… against joining Nato,
saying [there would be] ‘serious military and political consequences.’”
—The Guardian

Finally, Finnally,
Nato’s new applicant
won’t be dissuaded by
Vladimir’s zeal;

though he has threatened to
militaristically
deal with the Finnish, they’ll
finish the deal.

by Philip Kitcher

“I’m in favor, as you know,
of reinstituting Roe,
but I’m sorry I can’t offer you my vote.
I shall never, never, NEVER rock the boat.

I admire your plan to muster
votes to change the filibuster—
but McConnell’s got his thumbs around my throat.
I shall never, never, NEVER rock the boat.

I hope that you can cobble
an alliance—I must wobble,
(it’s my nature)—yet I cannot turn my coat.
I shall never, never, NEVER rock the boat.

I admit I am aggrieved
that Brett Kavanagh deceived,
in the things he said and documents he wrote,
but I’ll never, never, NEVER rock the boat.

I’m distressed that, once again,
women’s wombs are ruled by men—
and it bothers me when Cruz and Hawley gloat.
But I’ll never, never, NEVER rock the boat.”

by Julia Griffin

“That provision [the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment] has been held to guarantee
some rights that are not mentioned in the Constitution, but any such right must be ‘deeply rooted
in this Nation’s history and tradition’ and ‘implicit in the concept of ordered liberty.'”
—Dobbs, slip opinion p. 5 (Opinion of the Court)

The wild Fourteenth Amendment
Reined back to first traditions,
Folk wondered what the trend meant
For other new positions.

Alas, poor spousal promise!
Let’s hope there’s strength still in ya
As Thomas wrestles Thomas
On Loving v. Virginia.

by Brian Allgar

“A swarm of driverless taxis held up traffic for hours at a junction
after one of the first public trials of the technology went wrong.”
—The Telegraph

I called a taxi. To my great surprise,
There was no driver. Rashly, in I hopped,
But soon it halted. Was my choice unwise?
Around us, many other taxis stopped.

Eventually, the traffic jam was cleared,
But though I managed to complete my trip,
I’d missed my assignation, as I feared.
Needless to say, I didn’t leave a tip.

by Steven Kent

“Mystery as Canadian radio station plays Rage Against the Machine song non-stop”
—The Guardian

Hey DJ, can you play my favorite song?
You know the one, man: “Killing in the Name.”
It’s true that my request remains the same
Time after ti—oh damn, I spilled my bong!

I wanna hear it more than once, okay?
Whoa, round-the-clock would suit me to a T!
For weeks to come? You’ll do this just for me?
Dude, 104.9 rocks all the way!

by Dan Campion

“The Shrinking of the Middle-Class Neighborhood:
Americans are increasingly living in areas that are either much richer
or much poorer than the regional norm.”
—The New York Times

It hatched from fixed-rate spreadsheets, Doc,
But shape-shifts neighborhoods,
The Blob that’s oozing, block by block,
And smears out worldly goods

So some get tons and others none,
And those once in between
Grow fewer—Doc, before it’s done
We’ll see a dreadful scene!

How can we fight back? Light? Heat? Ice?
New magic from your lab?
Says Doc, Don’t ask for my advice,
My house is pressed prefab.

by Peter Desmond

“As Florida’s ‘Don’t Say Gay’ law takes effect,
schools roll out LGBTQ restrictions”
—NBC News

A spectrum haunts the Sunshine State.
It can’t face facts:
A rainbow is the way the light refracts.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“NHS trials using drones to deliver chemotherapy drugs”
—BBC News

A normal drone, it couldn’t cope
With all the weight of all my dope—
You’d have to use a freighter.

And when the freighter dropped the gear
I’d need a friendly mountaineer
To fetch it from the crater.

by David Galef

(with apologies to Wallace Stevens)

“Ohio State University has officially registered a trademark for the word “THE”
after a nearly three-year battle to clinch legal branding access to a word
that’s deeply meaningful to the school’s overall identity.”
—CNN

If we’re teaching articles,
Both definite and in-
Ohio State’s the school to watch:
It’s trademarked one wherein

The letters T and H and E
Are legal in their name.
The news alone will guarantee
The the achieves some fame.

by Shaun Jex

“The Star Wars Hyperspace Lounge on [a Disney cruise ship] has a $5,000 Kaiburr Crystal drink”
—Journalist Ashley Carter

Higitus figitus
Gaius Germanicus
Wasted Rome’s money on
Parties and such

But upon learning of
Disney’s new beverage
Said with a gasp “Well now
That’s a bit much…”

by Paul Lander

Ten Downing for rent
As Boris Johnson resigns.
Now that’s a Borxit.