by Julia Griffin
“So happy to see you: our brains respond emotionally to faces we find in inanimate objects,
study reveals”
—The Guardian
Three objects in a bounded space
Will call to mind the human face.
No matter what their form or size,
Two shapes can always stand for eyes,
The third supplying mouth or nose.
This pareidolic fancy shows
Our obstinate creative thrust;
Or is it vanity, or just
Plain loneliness that makes us find
Our kin so far beyond our kind?
by Chris O’Carroll
“a disappointment in every sense of the word”
—An ex-president on ex-attorney general William Barr,
who dismissed 2020 election fraud allegations as “bullshit”
A winner in every sense of delusion,
He’s fuming in every sense of deranged
At a crony in every sense of collusion
Turned outcast in every sense of estranged.
A loser in every sense of denial
With fraud claims in every sense of absurd
And trash talk in every sense of revile,
He bullshits in every sense of the word.
by Julia Griffin
“‘At first I thought, this is crazy’: the real-life plan to use novels to predict the next war”
—The Guardian
My novel (working title: “Peace”)
Should help our global fears decrease:
The world it shows is one defined
By truth and equity combined,
Not mad, political caprice.
The wisest thoughts of ancient Greece;
Recycled boards of soft cerise;
Around them and between you’ll find
My novel.
No children fear to predecease
My calm, responsible police;
Non-partisan and color-blind,
A world awaits, more truly kind,
If only someone would release
My novel.
by Dan Campion
“Puerto Rican man confirmed as world’s oldest living male at 112 years old”
—USA Today
Emilio Flores Márquez: Cheers!
Your secret? Love. No anger.
(My hope was you would name cold beers,
Mofongo, crispy banger.)
Your loving cup is fine by me.
Mild temper, I can’t boast,
But swear by the Sargasso Sea
I’ll try it. Hence this toast.
by Jerome Betts
Lush green Wimbledon’s strawberries and cream,
Long bronzed limbs and white dresses a-gleam,
Make a summer’s day just like a dream . . .
Till Ms. Grunt slugs it out with Ms. Scream.
by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
Crepe myrtles thrive in Montecito’s clime,
Except when weekly rainfall is too low,
Requiring irrigation. That’s the time
Embracing sacred duties Chumash know
Means not to tap a water source close by—
Or face some matriarchal Chumash ire! …
“Not fair!” complained Prince Harry, with a sigh,
“I left old England with my heart’s desire
And bought a royal mansion so we could
Leave formal duty far behind. But now,
Diverting holy water to our ‘hood
Upsets the Chumash leader … Let’s see how
To pacify her, to avoid a fray …
Your duty, Meg—I’m off to the UK!”
by Alex Steelsmith
“…the banks are now among the biggest profit-generating machines in corporate America…
led by gains at Wells Fargo… and Bank of America… It might be a Goldilocksian time for the banks.”
—KYMA.com
“A bearish investor, also known as a bear, is one who believes prices will go down…
(A bear market) leaves investors feeling pessimistic about the future…”
—Smartasset.com
Stashity cashity,
Bank of America
likes the bull market, an
expert declares.
Irony: only in
un-Goldilocksian
times is it apt to be
dealing with bears.
by Pat D’Amico
No time should we waste
Accounting for taste
In the paintings some critics acclaim.
Let’s agree from the start
That to someone it’s art
The minute it’s put in a frame.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Will Jeff Bezos be an astronaut when he travels into space…?
It’s complicated, because experts say there’s still a debate about where space begins.”
—Insider
“More than 70,000 people have signed petitions to stop Jeff Bezos from returning to Earth
after his trip to space…”
—Insider
Quibbledy squabbledy,
Bezos the billionaire
isn’t an astronaut?
Surely he’ll earn
incontrovertible
rights to the term if he
goes into orbit and
doesn’t return.
by Coleman Glenn
“Police stop ‘exorcism’ in Home Depot lumber aisle”
—New York Post
They’re attempting to exorcise pine
down in lumber (aisle 79).
They shouldn’t be here; it’s
well known that wood spirits
are found in aisle 10: turpentine.
by Julia Griffin
“Lab analysis of Subway tuna sandwiches fails to identify tuna DNA”
—The Guardian
Expecting tuna DNA,
The lab found content quite bizarre;
We’re learning, from the exposé,
That Subway subs are way subpar.
What was the matter, did they say?
Sea serpent, sponge, or COVID mask?
Just write down Subway DNA
Judiciously as Do Not Ask.
by Bruce Bennett
“Ronny Jackson said Trump aced a cognitive test. Now he’s demanding Biden take one,
citing ‘mental impairment.’”
—The Washington Post
Trump passed the test with colors flyin’.
He guessed the rhino and the lion.
Now Biden also has to pass
To prove the elephant an ass.
by Jerome Betts
“Downing Street under Boris Johnson is ‘a branch of the entertainment industry’
and nothing will get done in terms of serious policy focus until he leaves,
Dominic Cummings has said in his latest blast at his former boss.”
—The Guardian
Roll up for the Westminster Follies,
The Crazy Gang half off their trolleys!
Hopeless Hancock and Gove perform tricks
That involve a whole load of dropped bricks
While the yellow-wigged juggler’s balls
Are rolling all over the stalls
And an off-stage rejected Svengali
Entertains doing snarky and snarly!
It’s a great UK-breaking up show!
Come and see just how far they can go!
by Chris O’Carroll
“Rudy Giuliani has been suspended from practicing law in the state of New York…
for making ‘false and misleading statements’ about the election loss of his client,
former President Donald Trump.“
—Huffington Post
When you work for Trump, you lie—
That’s a job credential.
One that, sadly, by and by,
Might prove consequential.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
“With half a crown, there’s nothing you can do,”
Intoned my dad when uncles gave me cash,
“Though if you save them till you have a few,
Half-crowns can grow to build a tidy stash—
However, they will never bring a thing,
Alone!” … But did my father lie to me?
Last week I learned what one half-crown does bring:
Fir-loving Bharat Mistry’s neighbors Lee—
Aggrieved by noisy songbirds dropping poo,
Completely blanketing the car on site—
Reshaped his tree by slicing it in two,
Obliterating growth along the right! …
With half a crown, they won’t be tourist-free—
Now half of Sheffield flocks to see this tree!