by Claudia Gary

“Republican senator from Kentucky Rand Paul challenged Dr. Fauci on why Americans should wear
masks after being vaccinated…”
—CNN

When Fauci cites the variants,
Paul’s argument grows thin.
That’s why Corona wishes Paul
would keep on butting in.

by Martin Kohn

“The rarest breed is the Norwegian lundehund. The modest-sized, nimble dogs might be little-
known in the U.S. but have intriguing distinctions, including six-toed feet, unusual flexibility,
climbing acumen and a history of hunting puffins.”
—Associated Press

Consider now the lundehund
Known mainly to the undergrund.
On taxonomic charts it sits
In spitting distance of the spitz.
Before the age of Egg McMuffins
Ancient Nordics dined on puffins.
Said bird, a most elusive creature,
Lives on rocky crags that feature
Stony caves and promontories
Where ’hund, in sagas, songs and stories,
Draws praises as a perfect 10
For its puffin-hunting acumen.
But, Fargo to the Rio Grunde,
There are no puffins to be fund.
Though pugs and poodles may abund
You’ll rarely see a lundehund.

by Dan Campion

“Biden says his dog, Major, is working with a trainer in Delaware following biting incident”
—CNN

Let’s hope the trainer works with Major—
Not the other way around—
As “working” for a pooch means “Savor
Each sight, smell, touch, bite, and sound!”

by Julia Griffin

“Nebraska declares pro-meat day to rival Colorado’s meatless day”
—BBC News

Those bogus terms the vegans use to cheat
Consumers into thinking they’ve got meat—
Nutroasts, soyburgers, and their dismal ilk
(Not counting all that oatish pseudo-milk)—
Let’s try adapting, rather than objecting,
And slip in flesh when nobody’s suspecting.
Some words need nothing but inversion—quick,
Let’s make tagine with nutritive peaschick;
Some take imagination: try our beefu,
Or hammous, or our quite deceiving seafu.
Just watch those vegan logophiles convulse:
You fancy pulse? Eat something with a pulse!
Then wash the whole thing down, my bloodless dears,
With lots of sanguinous lambrusco. Cheers!

by Bruce Bennett

This sea slug chops off its own head,
then grows a brand-new body,
thus getting one that’s buff instead
of one that’s sick and shoddy,

A trick that’s neat in many ways,
yet who would choose to try it?
I’d much prefer to spend my days
in exercise and diet.

by Nora Jay

“Mother charged with deepfake plot against daughter’s cheerleading rivals …
The cheerleading team expressed sympathy for the families involved.
‘Victory Vipers has always promoted a family environment and we are sorry for all individuals involved,’ gym owners Mark McTague and Kelly Cramer said in a statement.”
—The Guardian

Victory Vipers has always promoted
A family vibe, be it noted and quoted,
And all individual leaders find rest,
Pink pompoms and all, in the family nest.
To boost this environment’s everyone’s aim!—
We count on you all to live up to your name.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Arctic walrus off Ireland’s coast proves a rare sighting”
—BBC

Whilst snoozing on an iceberg, you must guard
Against the chance of sliding out to sea,
Lest you wash up so far from your back yard,
Returning home is tough to guarantee! …
Unless … you have a mind to wander far,
Since walrus adolescence is the time
When you assess how strong the others are
And, if you’d lose a fight, await your prime,
Not where they’d beat you up, but far off south,
Down by the coast of Kerry on some rocks,
Enchanting locals, while you stuff your mouth
Rapaciously with clam and mussel stocks,
Engorging on delights from Dingle Bay—
Resolved to reach a tonne, then glide away!

by Bruce Bennett

“Cow cuddling has become a thing for lonely hearts in the pandemic”
—The Washington Post

Adorabull and Moonicorn
(who has a single eye and horn)
are two among the gentle crew
who—for a price—will lie with you.

“They’re just like happy pills,” and yes,
those who have lain with them profess
the joy they give, and consolation,
amid the rampant devastation

we all have suffered from. Let’s praise
these selfless beasts who lend our days
such comfort! They are warm and wise,
and when we gaze deep in their eyes

we feel a bond that makes us sad
to think of all those steaks we’ve had,
or worse, how we’ll enjoy the bunch
of hamburgers we’ll have for lunch.

by Dan Campion

“US Air Force is guarding against electromagnetic pulse attacks. Should we worry?”
—Livescience

Sure, what’s another worry more,
Electrons on a spree,
A pulse that fries, from shore to shore,
Our power grid. Search me
Why we would shirk a further dose
Of pure anxiety.
Our limit? We’re not even close.
Pile on the EMP.

by Julia Griffin

“‘Phantom Tollbooth’ Author Norton Juster Dies At 91”
—NPR

With all the gratitude that we can muster,
Let’s toll the bell, or booth, for Norton Juster,
The man who showed, as nobody, bar none, did,
How time well spent is constantly refunded.
We learned, through Milo’s captivating caper,
That numbers taste; that clapping looks like paper;
That which is not a witch and words need weighing,
And sayings go, like going without saying.
Think of him now conducting sunny days, as
Amazing but much wiser than King Azaz,
Shining with all of Rhyme’s and Reason’s luster:
The Just shall live; so, surely, shall the Juster.

by John Wood

Shamelessly namelessly
Myanmar Generals
Show us what’s needed to
Rise through the ranks

And retain government
Undemocratically:
Ruthless self interest and
Plenty of tanks.

by Alex Steelsmith

“From the rubble of a ruined church, Pope Francis led prayers for victims of war in Iraq’s battle-scarred city of Mosul on Sunday, as part of a historic visit intended to bring solace to a Christian community that the Islamic State militant group tried to wipe out.”
—The Seattle Times

Holy-oh moly-oh,
Jorge Bergoglio
stood in the ruins and
prayed for his flock,

knowing that churches have
vulnerabilities,
even when built on a
rock in Iraq.

by Nora Jay

“New York woman discovers secret apartment behind bathroom mirror …
[She] finds open windows and a heap of trash bags. She also discovers an empty water bottle, which she calls a ‘sign of life’.”
—The Guardian

Alice peeks behind the glass
And discovers—not, alas,
Dotty knight or grinning cat,
But a dismal sort of flat,
Less suggesting real estate
Than a hidden packing crate,
Trashy, empty, cold, too small
For the thinnest Hare to call.
“My unbirthdays,” Alice grunts,
“Must have all arrived at once.”

by Orel Protopopescu

“Twitter Founder Jack Dorsey Is Auctioning Off the World’s First-Ever Tweet as an NFT—
and the High Bid Is Already $2.5 Million”
—Artnet

How sweet the tweet that landed first,
before brute fingers did their worst.
When Dorsey typed in lowercase
five words, he changed the human race.

Although the last was not a word
one could pronounce, his tweet was heard
like Armstrong’s step upon the moon,
still pristine, not with wreckage strewn.

Dorsey will give to charity
the millions paid by NFT.
What’s worth far more than that amount?
His silencing of one account.

by Daniel Galef

(after Edmund Bentley)

“FBI Director Wray knocks down conspiracy theory that January 6 rioters were ‘fake Trump protesters’”
—CNN

Christopher Wray
said “I saw no Antifa that day—
just trumped-up trolls
maligning the polls.”