“Two US women pose as ‘grannies’ to skip vaccine queue Two women aged 34 and 44 attempted to pass as over-65s in Florida in order to jump the queue
and receive their Covid-19 vaccines ahead of schedule, authorities have said.” —BBC News
Desiring to avoid the queue,
We posed as grannies (as you do)
And trotted to the interview
To get our second jab (of two),
But up the whole thing sadly blew:
Our smart disguise was soon seen through,
And Florida now wants to sue.
Was it our gait? Our choice of shoe?
Oh no. Just blame two youngsters who
Forgot how thickly grans accrue
Round here. They must have seen a few,
If not a veritable slew,
Those vaccine guys! They know. They knew.
“Dominion hired the process servers to hand Giuliani its 107-page lawsuit after [he] ignored requests to simply accept it via email … A doorman … locked the door to the building whenever the former mayor entered the lobby. … [D]uring a nasty winter storm …, the doorman … waved to a Ford Explorer SUV parked down the street. Giuliani got in the passenger seat and closed the SUV door as a process server lunged forward with a bag full of documents. … At one point, his driver went through a red light while dodging the process server, according to the account.” —Daily News
I would not, could not from my doorman.
I would not, could not from George Foreman.
I would not, could not on the Net
I would not, and I have not yet!
I would not in an SUV:
I would not let my driver be;
I would not stop for snow or night.
I would not for a traffic light.
These writs are just a sham! I am
Not in a jam. Nor on the lam.
(In honor of Women’s History Month, which begins today)
Washing my hair, I dream of barefoot girls
Shampooing theirs, and what assortment falls
From female heads performing expert twirls
Within sea-themed and fogging bathroom walls.
At first must drop a very simple thing:
A ribbon left unscrambled in the back,
Which, with warm water, slides off like a ring
And hits the tub, though hits without a smack.
Up next come objects far more weighty, weird.
The coins and stubs created in the flight
From home to work, and which had disappeared
In chignon buns baked golden-brown and light.
Next teacups (dozens), novels, one spiked heel,
Are loosened where they nestled and set free
To land on the enameled concave steel
As wide and buoyant as a manatee.
And last come tumbling from each soapy crown,
Those silly boys, those fatal mismatched men,
Who’d disappointed, or who’d turned them down,
And must be washed out every now and then.
“Ukraine man invents murder in attempt to get police to clear snow Man unhappy with state of his road told officers they would have to come in a snowplough to arrest him” —The Guardian
To get a plow to clear the snow
I claimed I’d killed my stepdad. So?
Which really do you think absurder:
To choke in snow or fake a murder?
“Texas Republicans Beg Biden for Help Weeks After Endorsing Secession Bill … [in] response to a huge winter storm that hit Texas this past weekend, causing traffic accidents and power outages” —ExtraNewsfeed
Hey, let’s Make Texas Great Again! No need
For federal Government—we’ll just secede.
No stinking Socialists for us! … Oh, wait—
We need a massive handout for our State.
“A Texas mayor has resigned after telling residents of his city to ‘Get off your ass and take care of your own family!’ in the face of a devastating once-in-a-generation winter storm that has killed more than 20 people across the country and left millions without power in the state. … Amid widespread outrage Boyd has now apologized resigned and issued a more contrite statement … ‘Please understand, if I had it to do over again, I would have just kept my words to myself and if I did say them I would have used better wording and been more descriptive,’ said Boyd.” —The Guardian
Please understand, could I now choose,
There’s better wording I would use.
The reason for this press conniption
Was clearly absence of description.
So when I said “Get off your ass,”
I meant to add “low class” and “crass”;
And by “your family,” I meant:
“Those dumb, spoiled boobs who owe you rent.”
“For the First Time in 200 Years, a New Blue Pigment Is Up for Sale … Named after its chemical components of yttrium, indium and manganese oxides,
YInMn [pronounced ‘Yin Min’] absorbs red and green wavelengths
while reflecting blue wavelengths to produce a bright blue color.” —Smithsonian Magazine
Why make so much of pigmentary blue,
Fine ground-up lapis, woadish indigo,
Poisonous cobalt, smalt’s translucent glow,
Turquoise and zaffre (relatively new)?
Earth’s stuffed with proto-blue—the whole shebang
Of yttrium + indium (called YIn)
+ mounds of manganese! Come on, dig in:
YInMn is here, and waiting for MnYAng.
“End of Neanderthals linked to flip of Earth’s magnetic poles, study suggests Event 42,000 years ago combined with fall in solar activity potentially cataclysmic, researchers say … another flip could be on the cards.” —The Guardian
One flip of Earth’s magnetic poles,
Combined with an inactive sun,
And those Neanderthals, poor souls,
Were cataclysmically done.
Both sun and man look brighter now
(It’s shining; we’ve invented script)
But still researchers know not how
To keep the north and south unflipped.
Whenas in labs our Ferret goes,
our scientists are bold.
The sweetness of our Ferret’s nose
cannot be oversold.
If lipopeptide spray prevents
COVID from taking hold,
what’s next for Ferret—a defense
against the common cold?
