by Philip Kitcher

Temperatures in Northern Siberia, within the Arctic Circle, are steadily increasing.
Recently a new record of over 100°F was set.

Enjoy your dream vacation at the Gulag Inn and Spa,
a site where summer’s warmer every year.
Though if you plan to visit you will have to travel far,
you’ll find it more than worth it once you’re here.

The tundra stands wide open—you can strike out on your own,
to dig until your haversack is full.
With luck you’ll come back carrying a woolly mammoth bone,
or, disappointed, with a human skull.

You’ll watch the kiddies frolic in our balmy local lake,
where bracing waves of methane fill the air,
supplying to the greenhouse all the gases it can take—
now the permafrost is melting everywhere.

Our town is rich in history, there’s plenty to explore,
you’ll find out how things were in days gone by,
and come across mementoes from the lives that passed before,
the prisoners the state sent off to die.

by Chris O’Carroll

“While it’s not uncommon to see heavily armed white men toting military-grade gear on American streets,
the addition of the Hawaiian shirt is a new twist.”
—The New York Times

Fascism dressed in black or brown
Worked for Berlin and Rome,
KKK terrorists likewise
Made do with monochrome,

And Dixie fought for slavery
With soldiers wearing gray,
But racist insurrectionists
Sport floral prints today.

The Stars and Bars do not suffice
As colors for their tribe.
They want Aloha shirts to rock
A new, less laid-back vibe.

by Dan Campion

“The President does read and he also consumes intelligence verbally.”
—The President’s Press Secretary, Kayleigh McEnany

Well, what’s Don reading, if not words?
He chews on intel with his curds?
If he’s “the most informed” guy daily,
How come chaos rules him, Kayleigh?

Could you kindly let us know
Where what’s “consumed” from thence may go:
If not his brain, some lower parts
Less apt to ratchet up his smarts?

The world might seem less out of joint
If you could clarify this point:
What roils—top secrets, soup to nuts?—
The famous presidential guts.

by Eddie Aderne

“@CanYouPetTheDog has more than 250,000 followers…”
—The Guardian

@CanYouPetTheDog, the fan-base grows;
Less so, alas, @WaitWhat’sOnHisNose.

by Julia Griffin

“‘One in a 50m chance’: woman with two wombs carrying a twin in each”
—The Guardian

by Evan Morris

I’ll uninstall Zoom and I’ll throw out my screen.
I’ll then run my palms over counters, unclean.
I’ll spit when I talk
and at masks, I will balk!
All this will I do… once we have a vaccine.

by Julia Griffin

“A small-scale miner in Tanzania has become an overnight millionaire after selling two rough Tanzanite stones—
the biggest ever find in the country. … ‘There will be a big party tomorrow,’ [Saniniu] Laizer… told the BBC.
‘I want to build a shopping mall and a school. I want to build this school near my home.
There are many poor people around here who can’t afford to take their children to school’ [he said.]
‘I am not educated but I like things run in a professional way. So I would like my children to run
the business professionally.’”—BBC 

In these harsh days, let’s welcome with delight
The birth of this fantastic tanzanite,
A banker’s haul delivered from the earth.
The papers marvel at how much it’s worth:
About two-thirds what EXXON Mobil spent
On lobbying the nation’s government;
Sixteen percent (or not that much below)
The yearly pay of FOX’s CEO.
But these are Tanzanian gems, and here
Most earn (in dollars) just 4K per year,
And he who found them surely made no more;
But this is what he’ll use his money for:
Provisions for his neighbors, and a school.
“Not educated”? Sure, but ah! no fool.

by Nora Jay
(who is English)

“US woman sparks transatlantic tea war with brutal online brew
Michelle from North Carolina shared her recipe for ‘British tea’. …
[which] involved cold water first. The British internet lost its marbles.”
—The Guardian

A cup of water, microwaved,
With teabag on the side,
Cannot by any means be saved,
So shunt the swill aside,

Then boil your water; warm your pot;
Unwrap your fancy; steep it;
Fill cup; splash milk. If tea is not
So fashioned, you may keep it.

(Now coffee’s of a different ilk,
Requiring little mettle:
Find instant granules, douse with milk,
And stew in any kettle.)

by Paul Haebig

Though previously thought to have none
Matt Gaetz has acknowledged a son.
“It just seemed more prudent
to say ‘local student’
until the election was done.”

by Ruth S. Baker

“Experts call for regulation after latest botched art restoration in Spain
Copy of Immaculate Conception painting by Murillo reportedly cleaned
by furniture restorer”
—The Guardian

So then I saw this painting:
“Immaculate,” so-called.
Well, I was near to fainting.
The grime! You’d be appalled.

I pitied that Murillo,
Pulled out my Retrobright,
And started pushing Brillo.
It’s spotless now all right.

by Julia Griffin

“‘I did something good: I made Juneteenth very famous,’ Trump said in reference to the rally date in an interview published Thursday. ‘It’s actually an important event, an important time. But nobody had ever heard of it.'”
—CNN

“It’s actually a big event,”
Soliloquized the President;
“Juneteenth’s important, quite a bit;
But nobody had heard of it
Until my rally brought it fame.
I’m going now to do the same
For other dates: to specify,
You know the 4th day of July?
No, no one does, but wait until
I tweet about it. Then you will.
December’s got a day or two
I’m going to reveal. Scroll through
November, too—Day 26:
Unheard of. That I’m going to fix;
But is there something on the 3rd…?
Just wait and see. I’ll tweet you word.”

by Nora Jay

Judge Roberts came through
With a temperate view:
Confess it;
So too did Judge Gorsuch,
But will there be more such?
Don’t press it.

by David Hedges

John Bolton’s takedown offers proof
That nothing’s ever as it seems
With Dippy Don—it’s all a spoof,
A takeoff on his wildest dreams.

Since nothing’s going on upstairs,
He puts faith in his trusty gut
To weigh what’s best for billionaires,
And jumps on Fox News scuttlebutt.

When he learned how a quid pro quo
Could be of use in his campaign
To dig some dirt on Sleepy Joe,
He turned to China and Ukraine,

And Turkey, too—it’s in the book,
Along with other sleazy details:
Why did reporters overlook
Ivanka’s use of private emails?

He sidetracked them with poppycock,
Absolving Crown Prince MBS
Of murder—not much of a shock,
The way he messes with the press.

He doesn’t do much else but tweet
Invectives at his foes, with John
His latest target—oh, and cheat
At golf, with people looking on!

by Susan McLean

The people from planet Jerk
don’t get why you’re offended.
To shill for a product’s a perk!
To appear on a logo is splendid!

They can’t see a thing that’s unfair,
no matter how closely they scan it.
They can’t be expected to care:
they come from another planet.

by Chris O’Carroll

“Any protesters, anarchists, agitators, looters or lowlifes who are going to Oklahoma
please understand, you will not be treated like you have been in New York, Seattle,
or Minneapolis. It will be a much different scene!”
—A contemporary world leader

The cops in those other towns don’t have a clue.
They didn’t wage war like I said they should do.

I told them to dominate. They couldn’t cut it.
If BLM opens its mouth here, we’ll shut it!

I saw cops in action and I was disgusted
How little they roughed up the people they busted.

When anarchist lowlifes show up in this town,
Their asses are grass! We’ll be mowing them down.

You think you’ve seen tear gas and wounded and dead
In your city? Come see how much blood we can shed!

We’ll give you a much different scene to expect
When we’re locked and we’re loaded to serve and protect.