by Dan Campion
“SpaceX’s Starman and Elon Musk’s Tesla just made their 1st Mars flyby”
—Space.com
Our landforms sinking under roads and cars,
Of course we’d have a roadster prowl past Mars,
A “starman” propped up in the driver’s seat
To prospect for the next world to deplete.
by Julia Griffin
“Photographs of a Turkish scrap yard shows once glamorous cruise vessels being torn apart,
their component parts harvested for reuse, recycling or disposal after being retired early due to
the pandemic.”
—CNN
Gilt princesses of the sea,
Lately gowned in luxury,
Dandled in the ocean’s lap,
Find themselves now ripped for scrap.
Grace and elegance afloat
Black tie, dance floor, tables d’hôtes,
Sprawl before the common crowd,
Crumpled, cruddy, and unbowed.
What’s become of all the pride
Lighting once the starboard side?
Beauties lustrously bedecked
Are retired, disposed of, wrecked.
Pampered guests no longer care.
For these dead boats, sigh a prayer.
by Joseph Moorman
“Rare Side Effect of Drug Given to Trump for COVID Includes Grandiose Delusions”
—Newsweek
Can the steroid to fight COVID
In its presidential host
Produce one of its side effects
Before he’s even dosed?
by Chris O’Carroll
I whipped off the mask for my balcony scene,
Then took to the tweets for a session of spleen.
Pumped full of good things by my beautiful docs,
I put the kibosh on the stimulus talks.
Relief plans can wait till I’ve won the election.
Oops, stock market tanked, so I changed my direction.
Stimulus bills are now back on the table.
I’m not erratic and I’m not unstable.
I go postal when seeing my minions decline
To arrest Democrats, but my brain works just fine.
The way I’m behaving, nobody can tell
That I’m even a teeny bit weak or unwell.
by Julia Griffin
“Trump experiencing ‘mild symptoms’ after testing positive for Covid-19”
—NBC News
The President has COVID and it’s very, very sad;
The very best of wishes are the only ones he’s had;
And nobody is saying (not the brutalest of bruisers)
That getting sick’s for sissies or that dying is for losers.
The President has COVID, as I think I’ve said before;
If Schadenfreude comes my way, I’m showing her the door.
Here’s hoping that he rallies (and the rallies hope it too),
And COVID’s gone by Christmas, Mr. President, with you.
by Coleman Glenn
I saw on CNN today
That Fox News wasn’t right
In saying CNN had skewed
What Fox News said last night.
What false report inspired this spat?
Well, no one seems to know:
Apparently they all lost track
About four years ago.
by Dan Campion
“The First Dinosaur Feather Ever Found Is Still Controversial”
—Gizmodo
When Archaeopteryx stepped out
And strutted down the ramp
To flaunt that feather and to flout
The rules of scale, and vamp,
She shocked the mavens and her peers.
It’s still a rad design
A hundred fifty million years
Of Fashion down the line.
by Brian Allgar
A British wildlife sanctuary has been forced to separate five parrots
who wouldn’t stop swearing at visitors.
“Fuck off, you prick!” the parrot screeched,
And launched a vicious sally,
His mates repeating all his oaths:
“Fat twat! You’ve gone doolally!”
Someone should take these foul-mouthed birds
To Donald Trump’s next rally.
by Chris O’Carroll
After I lose this year’s election,
I’ll make demands and they’ll enforce them.
My treason needs their armed protection.
Do I denounce them? I endorse them!
by Nora Jay
In flight from Tuesday’s bitter matter,
I found before my Googling eyes
Jacassement—the French for “chatter”;
A word I plan to Anglicize.
by Ruth S. Baker
“Subway bread is not bread, Irish court rules
Judge finds that sugar content of US chain’s sandwiches
exceeds stipulated limit and they should thus be classified as confectionery”
—The Guardian
Apprised of a shortage of bread,
The Queen, without losing her head,
Responded: “Gâteau
Is a no-no, I know;
I suggest they eat Subway instead.”
by Orel Protopopescu
A virus sowing misery
is blocking its own way.
This week it gloats, indecently,
but did it overplay?
Trump didn’t mind the ides of March,
the ghost of Herman Cain.
But Covid’s messaging is harsh.
It runs a fierce campaign.
Now Trumpers trampling over graves
to rally are restrained.
Corona kills but also saves
by keeping Trump contained.
by James Hamby
“Police seize 345,000 used condoms that were cleaned and sold as new.”
—Reuters
Recyling was always my choosing—
Why others would balk was confusing.
But I read of some tactics
To clean prophylactics
And for once I’m opposed to reusing.
by Dan Campion
“Well, we’re going to have to see what happens.”
—The President of the United States, when asked about a peaceful transferal of power.
It’s “Perils of Pauline” for Don.
Whole nation’s on the tracks.
He used to play a local con
With guys in sharkskin slacks;
Now Lady Liberty is bound
To Trump Express Train rails.
Her head will roll across the ground
If switch or brakeman fails.
We’ll “have to see what happens” next.
Tune in! It’s just a show—
To Don, who hopes to tweet and text
In the torch’s afterglow.
by Chris O’Carroll
Of course he’ll accept the election results,
If he wins all the votes like that Belarus guy.
He loves autocrats, personality cults,
And laws that say which voters need not apply.