“Do you still believe that the intentional failure to remember can constitute a criminal act?”—Hakeem Jeffries, as reported from the hearing regarding Jeff Sessions’ testimony in previous inquiring committees.
I did not intentionally fail to remember.
I did not remember to accidentally forget.
You cannot convict me of possibly telling the truth.
I have not remembered the things I’ve forgotten just yet.
I do not believe what I said when I didn’t remember.
I do not believe that forgetfulness should be a crime.
Believe me, I already feel unintentionally sorry
For what I might honestly fail to remember next time.
On the one hand,
We can all understand
There’s an urge men feel deep in the bone,
But the general rule
When we polish the tool
Is that this game is best played alone.
At a party for two,
There are more than a few
Other options for touching and viewing;
When the party’s just me,
No one else needs to see
The ridiculous improv I’m doing.
I don’t care to invite
You to take in the sight
While I’m focused on auto-romancing.
It’s one guy’s private show
When I reach for, you know.
I don’t even look cool when I’m dancing.
Demoralizing all the earth,
Two Presidents of equal worth,
In one apocalyptic spat,
Discharged the weapons “Old” and “Fat.”
The USA was deeply stung,
For Tweedledump was ever young,
A youth, a boy, a little kid,
As proved by all he said and did;
Pyongyang felt similar chagrin,
As Tweedledim was wafer-thin—
A living proof, in fact, of this
Euclidean hypothesis:
A line no wider than a thong
May still be infinitely long.
The military catalogue
Had previously stopped at “dog,”
“Fraud,” “international pariah,”
And that eternal favorite “liar”;
Now Fox could only praise and pray;
Likewise the networks of NK.
So thank the (former) KGB,
Which coaxed both heroes to agree
(Since neither could refrain from speech)
That they should have one planet each,
Identical in shape and size,
Years distant, as the rocket flies,
To do with as they reckoned fit;
And no one else need live on it.
Da Vinci’s painting, “Savior of the World,”
On Wednesday last, at auction, was unfurled.
It fetched four hundred fifty million bucks,
And sold in less than twenty minutes. Shucks,
When I allow that figure to get tossed
Inside my brain, it’s somewhat like the cost
When Trump and some suave Middle Eastern shah go
To spend a bit of time at Mar-a-Lago.
On November 7, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s cat, Paddles, was killed by a car. A polydactyl rescue cat, Paddles once famously interrupted a phone conversation between the PM and Donald Trump by “flying through the cat-flap” and “announcing her very squawky arrival,” and she had a popular Twitter account (@FirstCatofNZ). In the aftermath of Paddles’ death, businessman Gareth Morgan sparked outrage by criticising the PM for allowing her cat to wander freely, questioning Ardern’s “conservation integrity.”
New Zealand’s in mourning, and raw lamentation
Resounds through the hills and in every bay,
For Paddles, preeminent pet of our nation,
So young and so perfect, was taken away.
She once was a stray on the streets of Ranui,
An outcast defined by opposable thumbs.
Alas for poor Paddles! Our eyes are all dewy.
Our grief is a torment that harrows and numbs.
She rose to distinction despite her beginning
(Social justice for all is what Labour’s about).
Alas for poor Paddles! Our heads are still spinning.
We’ll not love again for our hearts are in drought.
Paddles would sometimes behave as she oughtn’t—
She once interrupted a president’s call.
Alas for poor Paddles! She, too, was important,
And spoke better sense with her loud caterwaul.
A cantankerous businessman quickly went bleating
That it’s good for the birdlife that Paddles is dead.
Alas for poor Paddles! She really liked tweeting.
Alas it was not Gareth Morgan instead!
Remember, remember the Seventh November!
How desolate, dismal, and doleful a day!
Alas that poor Paddles, First Family member,
So young and so perfect, was taken away!
Self-driving bus involved in accident on its first day—CNN
A robot that once said it would “destroy humans” just became the first robot citizen—Business Insider
“I’ll destroy humans,” Sophia once said,
Right off the shiny bright top of her head
But over all this we’ll at last draw a veil
Which she’ll have to wear when outside without fail
As she’s now a subject so new and so proud
Of the Kingdom that’s ruled by the stern House of Saud,
The first to grant citizenship to a bot,
And a female one too. But some breaking news: what
Is this that I hear from the sands of Nevada?
The self-driving shuttle bus robot armada
In venturesome Vegas is one shuttle short
Because on its very first day it was caught
In a bit of a crash, but it wasn’t its fault.
A truck driver (human, of course) failed to halt.
Yes, all humans stray
And these days, I fear,
We get in the way.
So call in Sophia.
Bad news everywhere you turn,
Icebergs melt and cities burn.
Madman causes loss of life,
Puerto Rico still has strife.
Three key operatives indicted,
Five more male molesters cited.
Yet, one bit of GOOD news, dearies:
Astros win their first World Series!
One of the most buzzed-about inventions has been the sex robot. The first one, Harmony,… can connect with virtual reality so the user can interact with her in that space. … —New York Times
That headset, quick! I can’t wait to begin it.
O Brave New World, that has such robots in it!
Somehow, there should be a ban on Bannon;
No one needs the views of this loose cannon.
Bannon holds no government position;
Sowing seeds of chaos is his mission.
Trump et al is quite enough to cope with;
We don’t need the rants of Steve to grope with.
He’s a happenstance we didn’t plan on;
Somehow, there should be a ban on Bannon.
