by Neil Doherty

“Tiny mites seem capable of relying on the power of static cling to hop into hummingbird nostrils
and move between flowers.”
—The New York Times

We’re nibbling on the pollen and we’re sipping on the nectar,
The hummingbird is lingering in iridescent flight.
But the pollen’s always sweeter in another floral sector,
So we book a nasal passage, and it doesn’t cost a mite.

by Dan Campion

“Trump, Musk suggest sped-up return of NASA astronauts [Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams],
but details scarce”
—Reuters

“Move fast and break things.”
—Mark Zuckerberg

Are Don and Elon aping Zuck
And trusting breakage and good luck
To get those astronauts unstuck?
Dear Butch and Suni, please take care!
We all know haste makes vaporware.

by Alex Steelsmith

“After nine months stuck in the [moving Weddell Sea ice] pack… the ship slid down
to her frigid grave. No one ever expected to see the stout little ship again…
[Until 107 years later…] Out of the abysmal darkness, a century’s worth of wonder,
history, and legend filled the screen. The port side of the Endurance, still
resplendent… as if it sank yesterday, emerged from the gloom.”
—National Geographic

Shackleton’s vessel was moving, although
Nature compelled her to go with the floe,
Shackled in irons of north-drifting ice
Slowly becoming a merciless vise.

Thus, he would launch his historical trip
After the Weddell had swallowed his ship;
Fractured and scuttled, Endurance was doomed
Never again to be seen, he assumed.

More than a century later—behold!—
Deep in the fathomless darkness and cold,
Shackleton’s ship is impossibly found
Upright, her timbers astoundingly sound.

Cameras robotically panning the wreck
Capture the brittle stars manning her deck;
Life, to perennial hardship, inures.
Shackleton lives, and Endurance endures.

by Nora Jay

“President Donald Trump’s first actions in the Oval Office included rolling back healthcare
policies put forth by former President Joe Biden, including expansions to the Affordable Care Act…”
—Fox News

I voted for the MAGA King, Big Don:
He’s promised to reduce the price of eggs!
And that’s why I don’t care my healthcare’s gone,
And probably I’m going to lose my legs.

by Bruce Bennett

“Anders Vistisen, a Danish member of the European Parliament, told President Donald
Trump to ‘f*** off,’ in response to Trump touting the idea of buying Greenland.”
—CNN

Let’s hear it for the Danish.
Plain speaking’s for the Dane.
Greenland’s been theirs eight hundred years,
and theirs it will remain.

And here’s one Dane who says so,
Who speaks up for their land,
and uses words— a few at least—
that Trump can understand.

by Alex Steelsmith

“The Commander in Chief Ball was only the first of three balls the president planned to stop by…
[The balls] are a longtime tradition… The first inaugural ball was held in 1809 for President James Madison…”
—USA Today

Normally, formally,
incoming presidents
dance in extravagant
ballrooms and halls.

One could infer that they
feel a compulsion to
ritualistically
show they have balls.

by Ruth S. Baker

“Men have grown twice as much as women over past century, study shows
Data from dozens of countries reveals height and weight differences
between sexes have increased since 1900″
—The Guardian

Where are they found, these giant men
With mighty torsos, arms, and feet?
You’re likely to remember when
You’re next assigned a middle seat.

by Dan Campion

“Yes, a US Senator Displayed Misspelled Poster During Hegseth Confirmation Hearing”
—Snopes

Oh, sht, Misery’s Senatr
Has spelt it “MILTARY”?
Our military must defer
And redo, yessiree,
They’re signage, so it shal agree
With MAGA poster buoys.
If eny fuel dere disagree,
Beewear hume he annoise.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Chimney sweeps asked to park away from customer homes,
due to wood-burning stove embarrassment”
—LBC

Please, Chimney Sweep, don’t park your sooty van
At my front door when sweeping out my flue:
Remain as incognito as you can.
Keep mum about particulates I spew.
A Brighton Council ad campaign upbraids
Wood-burning stoves for dirtying clean air,
And if folks learned I’m burning wood in spades,
You’d cause embarrassment beyond repair
For me—I beg you, park away from me …
Relax. No sweat. I’ll paint my van: the phrase
“Orchestral Coach” will blot out “Sweep” and be
My cover, this old tuba case conveys
My tools … and you must sound this tuba—or,
Embarrassment may threaten like before!

by Steven Kent

“Rats get taste for drugs in Houston evidence room”
—The Guardian

Hey Templeton, you lazy little sot,
In Houston there’s a sight you’ve got to see: a
Warehouse full of confiscated pot
All locked up tight (I’ll bet there’s sinsemilla).

Let’s hop a freight and raid that sticky stash,
Then party till we cannot walk or stand. It’s
Bound to make us famous in a flash:
Two barnyard rats, two crafty contrabandits!

by Julia Griffin

“Japan aquarium cheers up lonely sunfish by taping photos of human faces to its tank:
Staff had noticed that the sunfish was showing signs of distress after the aquarium
was closed for refurbishment… A day after [the taping] the fish regained its appetite
and looked generally more content, according to the Mainichi Shimbun [newspaper].”
—The Guardian

In this bleak week, I’ve learned a fix,
And Tokyo’s to thank,
Where one sad fish was cheered by pics
Of humans on its tank.

Inspired by this, I hereby wish
The next four years to be
A vista of contented fish,
Taped over my TV.

by Dan Campion

“Joe Biden Warns of ‘Tech Industrial Complex’ In Farewell Speech…”
—Deadline

I’m old and still remember Ike’s
Grim warning to our land.
The complex he named drove in spikes
And built just as they’d planned.
The tech lords too will stake their plot
And rule it. But thanks, Joe.
Another “complex”? Well, why not?
Let’s stay and watch the show.

by Matt Schatz

“Trump Names Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson and Jon Voight as ‘Special Ambassadors’
to ‘Troubled’ Hollywood: They’ll Bring ‘Lost Business’ Back”
—Variety

Yes, all that we need to get showbiz on track
Are three geriatric “Ambassadors”;
This will for certain bring Hollywood back!
Well, this—and a few flux capacitors.

by Marshall Begel

“Hiring a private fire crew costs thousands of dollars a day… Some wealthy property owners are calling
them in directly.”
—The New York Times

For corporate investors, famous actors and their ilk,
I’ll don the red suspenders of asbestos-woven silk.
For I’m the firefighter of the rich and well-connected,
Where houses shown in magazines are rightfully protected.

With tunic by Armani, matched with flame-retardant pants,
I use the finest water from a mountain stream in France.
Oh, how I love to hear the children’s happy little voices,
When thanking me for saving their Jacuzzis and Rolls Royces.

by Steven Kent

“Volkswagen van that survived Palisades fire in Los Angeles is a ‘beacon of hope'”
—The Guardian

The hippies knew
A thing or two:
VW vans
Are maybe man’s
Best motor deal.
So much appeal:
No speed, no tricks,
But cheap to fix;
No muss, no fuss,
This microbus,
And now we learn
The thing won’t burn!