by Kaitlyn Spees

“What your parents didn’t tell you about pulling an all-nighter? It might just ease depression
for several days. At least, that’s what researchers found happened to mice in a study published in
the journal Neuron Thursday.”
—NPR

(With apologies to Frost)

If mice are made acquainted with the night
and, afterwards, subjected to mild pain
the critters’ll put up a stiffer fight

than mice allowed to sleep the night away,
so researchers declare them “less depressed”
and hope to wring out lessons from their brains.

But don’t try this at home!—the authors stressed—
Resist the call of easy dopamine!
No really, it’s important to get rest!

As though most folks are really super keen
to give up sleep because the process might
help out their mood a bit. I guess I mean

men just aren’t mice, though maybe Frost was right
to seek out the acquaintance of the night.

by Paul Lander

Ivanka takes stand.
She says about Dad, brothers:
Who are these people?

by Julia Griffin

The Crown’s creator, Peter Morgan, said: “Diana’s appearance for a tender post-mortem
conversation with Charles is a narrative device, common enough in film, not a haunting. …
[Earlier this year, executive producer Suzanne Mackie said:] ‘The show might be big and noisy,
but we’re not. We’re thoughtful people and we’re sensitive people.’”
—The Daily Beast

A writer sensitive and nice
(Forgive a moment’s vaunting)
Employs a narrative device
And not some thoughtless haunting.

The Globe is noisy; I am not
(I hate appearing boastful),
And thus my Ex-King-Hamlet plot
Is tender, never ghostful.

by Eddie Aderne

“Archaeologists Discover Electoral Campaign Inscription Inside Pompeii House:
The Latin text reads, in part: ‘I beseech you to make Aulus Rustius [Verus] a true aedile,
worthy of the state’ … Researchers aren’t sure what happened to Verus when Mount Vesuvius erupted
in 79 C.E. and buried Pompeii and several surrounding towns in volcanic rock and ash. However, because
he later [gained a higher office], they suspect he won the election for aedile referenced in the inscription.”
—Smithsonian Magazine

Vote for Aulus Rustius Verus,
Aedile worthy of the state!
We’re divided—he’ll repair us!
Get in line and do not wait!

So implored an old graffito,
Scratched on some Pompeian wall.
Like a just-revived mosquito,
It’s provocative though small.

Vote for Aulus Rustius Verus!
Seems Pompeii did as bid;
Fate, however, chose to spare us
News of what he later did.

As the air became volcanic—
Ashy, red, and very hot—
Did he try to calm the panic?
Maybe yes and maybe not;

No one knows. But this I’m sure of:
Ancient stumpers rule once more,
So this blurb we just need more of:
Vote for Verus—’24!

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“I was bored, so I came back—nursing at 80”
—BBC

I keep my mind as active as I can:
I play guitar an hour every day;
I read a lot; I write. It’s how I plan
To keep the damn senility at bay.

And if I get to pensionable age,
And none of these precautions have been shirked,
And still I’m keen and want to earn a wage,
Then that’ll prove that none of it has worked.

by Dan Campion

“How many arms do starfish have? If you said ‘five,’ you’re wrong.”
—The Washington Post

The starfish has five arms, it’s said,
But lately research shows
Those “arms” are actually its head.
How human knowledge grows!

Eventually, we may detect
Five points we can agree on,
And, armed with stellar intellect,
Embrace a peaceful eon.

by Marshall Begel

“Pittsburgh is among the best cities in the United States to be a vampire…
The report looked for blood centers, vampire-friendly dwellings like homes with
basements, and warm bodies.”
—CBS

A vampire city? For me, that’s a dud.
I go to bed early and can’t stomach blood.

Those werewolves of London? I’m more into cats.
Besides, have you seen what they’re charging for flats?

A mummy-filled town is where I’d rather go,
With long winter months under mountains of snow.

I’d keep to myself in the Upper Midwest,
And curse anyone interrupting my rest!

by Alex Steelsmith

“Abet and Aid Punsters Day is celebrated on November 8 every year… Puns have a long history…
for example, the Roman playwright Plautus was famous for his puns and word games.”
—National Today

Cunningly, punningly,
Plautus the dramatist,
roundly applauded by
literate nerds,

seriocomically
offers a reader the
words in his plays and the
plays in his words.

by Helen Ksypka

“Police: Live cluster bomblet, ammunition found with donation
at southeastern Wisconsin thrift store”
—AP

Could a bomb in a Goodwill donation
Send their customers running amok?
No, I’d say this unique situation
Would have buyers embracing their luck.

It’s with savvy they’d see that this merch is
One heck of a deal to be struck,
‘Cuz the shoppers who jump at this purchase
Would be getting a bang for their buck.

by Bruce Bennett

“A modified version of the classic mirror test suggested that roosters recognize their reflections.”
—The New York Times

“What’s new? Of course I recognize
that perky comb. Those glowing eyes.
What were they thinking? I do best
when those with smarts devise the test.”

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Britain’s ‘loneliest sheep’ stranded on Scottish cliff for two years”
—Independent

Lest you become the loneliest of sheep
On British soil, marooned along a beach,
Not able to ascend back up the steep
Escarpment you slid down, beyond help’s reach,
Lamenting all the lambs you could have had
If you had met another on the hill
Equipped with what it takes to be a dad,
Soliciting canoes for help until
The beach runs out and makes you ewe-turn, as
Slim hopes of rescue fade, and you’re forlorn …
Hear my advice: Don’t be the sheep who has
Escaped the shears but rues that she’s unshorn.
Ewe, mimic not who’s pining for her flock—
Penned in between a hard place and a rock!

by Julia Griffin

“The Beatles release their last new song—thanks to AI and archival recordings”
—CBS News

And now and then:
If we must start again,
Since half of you have died,
We’ll know you’ve been AI’d.

I know it’s true,
Now you are missing two,
That if this makes it through,
It’s not because of you.

And then and now,
It’s time to take a bow;
But we’ll get through with these:
Your evergreen LPs.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Why are whales throwing seaweed on their heads?”
—BBC

We all like fancy dress at Halloween:
We try the spooky costumes on for size,
Or make one from a sewing magazine,
And hope that our endeavors win a prize.

And whales are just as sociable as us:
They want to get dressed up and be a hit,
But when you’re twice as hefty as a bus,
It’s hard to find a fright wig that’ll fit.

by Julia Griffin

“Millennium Bridge workers hang straw bales after ancient bylaw triggered
Repairs to footbridge mean straw must be dangled to warn oncoming shipping
of work going on beneath”
—The Guardian

To mend this web of tempered steel ignites an ancient law:
It first must be bedecked with bales of cautionary straw.
Oncoming shipping duly warned, discussions now begin:
Exactly which Millennium does London think it’s in?

by Steven Kent

“Pro-Trump lawyer [Kenneth Chesebro] accepts plea deal in Georgia ‘fake electors’ case”
—The Guardian

“Trump lawyer Jenna Ellis takes plea deal in Georgia election subversion case”
—The Guardian

The odds are good John Eastman‘s getting moody,
Since things look really bad for him and Rudy.
Their fake elector scheme is now on trial,
With Ken and Jenna bound to flip in style:
If “Inmate [X]” is not to be their greeting,
They’ll have to spill the beans about that meeting.
The Kraken was released but had no sting,
So now you’d best believe these birds will sing!