by Bruce Bennett
This sea slug chops off its own head,
then grows a brand-new body,
thus getting one that’s buff instead
of one that’s sick and shoddy,
A trick that’s neat in many ways,
yet who would choose to try it?
I’d much prefer to spend my days
in exercise and diet.
by Nora Jay
“Mother charged with deepfake plot against daughter’s cheerleading rivals …
The cheerleading team expressed sympathy for the families involved.
‘Victory Vipers has always promoted a family environment and we are sorry for all individuals involved,’ gym owners Mark McTague and Kelly Cramer said in a statement.”
—The Guardian
Victory Vipers has always promoted
A family vibe, be it noted and quoted,
And all individual leaders find rest,
Pink pompoms and all, in the family nest.
To boost this environment’s everyone’s aim!—
We count on you all to live up to your name.
by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
“Arctic walrus off Ireland’s coast proves a rare sighting”
—BBC
Whilst snoozing on an iceberg, you must guard
Against the chance of sliding out to sea,
Lest you wash up so far from your back yard,
Returning home is tough to guarantee! …
Unless … you have a mind to wander far,
Since walrus adolescence is the time
When you assess how strong the others are
And, if you’d lose a fight, await your prime,
Not where they’d beat you up, but far off south,
Down by the coast of Kerry on some rocks,
Enchanting locals, while you stuff your mouth
Rapaciously with clam and mussel stocks,
Engorging on delights from Dingle Bay—
Resolved to reach a tonne, then glide away!
by Bruce Bennett
“Cow cuddling has become a thing for lonely hearts in the pandemic”
—The Washington Post
Adorabull and Moonicorn
(who has a single eye and horn)
are two among the gentle crew
who—for a price—will lie with you.
“They’re just like happy pills,” and yes,
those who have lain with them profess
the joy they give, and consolation,
amid the rampant devastation
we all have suffered from. Let’s praise
these selfless beasts who lend our days
such comfort! They are warm and wise,
and when we gaze deep in their eyes
we feel a bond that makes us sad
to think of all those steaks we’ve had,
or worse, how we’ll enjoy the bunch
of hamburgers we’ll have for lunch.
by Dan Campion
“US Air Force is guarding against electromagnetic pulse attacks. Should we worry?”
—Livescience
Sure, what’s another worry more,
Electrons on a spree,
A pulse that fries, from shore to shore,
Our power grid. Search me
Why we would shirk a further dose
Of pure anxiety.
Our limit? We’re not even close.
Pile on the EMP.
by Julia Griffin
“‘Phantom Tollbooth’ Author Norton Juster Dies At 91”
—NPR
With all the gratitude that we can muster,
Let’s toll the bell, or booth, for Norton Juster,
The man who showed, as nobody, bar none, did,
How time well spent is constantly refunded.
We learned, through Milo’s captivating caper,
That numbers taste; that clapping looks like paper;
That which is not a witch and words need weighing,
And sayings go, like going without saying.
Think of him now conducting sunny days, as
Amazing but much wiser than King Azaz,
Shining with all of Rhyme’s and Reason’s luster:
The Just shall live; so, surely, shall the Juster.
by John Wood
Shamelessly namelessly
Myanmar Generals
Show us what’s needed to
Rise through the ranks
And retain government
Undemocratically:
Ruthless self interest and
Plenty of tanks.
by Alex Steelsmith
“From the rubble of a ruined church, Pope Francis led prayers for victims of war in Iraq’s battle-scarred city of Mosul on Sunday, as part of a historic visit intended to bring solace to a Christian community that the Islamic State militant group tried to wipe out.”
—The Seattle Times
Holy-oh moly-oh,
Jorge Bergoglio
stood in the ruins and
prayed for his flock,
knowing that churches have
vulnerabilities,
even when built on a
rock in Iraq.
by Nora Jay
“New York woman discovers secret apartment behind bathroom mirror …
[She] finds open windows and a heap of trash bags. She also discovers an empty water bottle, which she calls a ‘sign of life’.”
—The Guardian
Alice peeks behind the glass
And discovers—not, alas,
Dotty knight or grinning cat,
But a dismal sort of flat,
Less suggesting real estate
Than a hidden packing crate,
Trashy, empty, cold, too small
For the thinnest Hare to call.
“My unbirthdays,” Alice grunts,
“Must have all arrived at once.”
by Orel Protopopescu
“Twitter Founder Jack Dorsey Is Auctioning Off the World’s First-Ever Tweet as an NFT—
and the High Bid Is Already $2.5 Million”
—Artnet
How sweet the tweet that landed first,
before brute fingers did their worst.
When Dorsey typed in lowercase
five words, he changed the human race.
Although the last was not a word
one could pronounce, his tweet was heard
like Armstrong’s step upon the moon,
still pristine, not with wreckage strewn.
Dorsey will give to charity
the millions paid by NFT.
What’s worth far more than that amount?
His silencing of one account.
by Daniel Galef
(after Edmund Bentley)
“FBI Director Wray knocks down conspiracy theory that January 6 rioters were ‘fake Trump protesters’”
—CNN
Christopher Wray
said “I saw no Antifa that day—
just trumped-up trolls
maligning the polls.”
by Iris Herriot
“Walker ‘stunned’ to see ship hovering high above sea off Cornwall
David Morris encounters rare optical illusion known as superior mirage
while out on coastal stroll”
—The Guardian
A ship at anchor in the sky!
It’s senseless to the human eye;
How can it be that this should be
Reality? For what we see
With light and sight and wonder flips
The truth of sea and sky and ships.
The truth of sea and sky and ships
With light and sight and wonder flips
Reality for what we see:
How can it be that this should be?
It’s senseless to the human eye:
A ship at anchor in the sky!
by Alex Steelsmith
“Mr. Potato Head to lose ‘Mr.’ title in gender-neutral rebrand”
—BBC News
“Most scholars since the time of the English philosopher Francis Bacon (1561–1626) have agreed
that the tendency to anthropomorphize hinders the understanding of the world.”
—Stewart E. Guthrie
Yammering, stammering,
Mr. Potato Head
cries, “Honorific or
not, it’s a sham!
Either way, humans who
anthropomorphically
doll me up don’t have a
clue what I yam.”
by Chris O’Carroll
“6 Dr. Seuss books won’t be published anymore because they portray people in ‘hurtful and wrong’ ways”
—CNN
The Foxters were fuming, the Foxters were sad.
Now Seuss is offensive? The left has gone mad!
But was there one word from some talking head’s mouth
Against Disney for “canceling” Song of the South?
From that unabashed racism back in the day
We’re en route to a better American way.
Though so many Seuss words and Seuss pictures are good,
Still he could have done better, as all of us should.
He is one of the greats and a man of his time,
So to love him and yet look askance is no crime.
We just hope we are raising our children so well
That when we, too, go wrong they’ll be able to tell.
by Julia Griffin
“Last month, [Amazon …] dropped its longtime shopping cart image … in favor of Amazon’s smiling-face-arrow on a package with a ridged piece of blue tape. Positioned on top of the smile line, it looked a bit like the mustache of German dictator Adolf Hitler, users on Twitter pointed out. This week, Amazon updated its app logo again… and quietly folded the tape on top of the image.
Amazon spokesperson Craig Andrews did not directly address the Hitler comparison claims. ‘We designed the new icon to spark anticipation, excitement, and joy …,’ he said.”
—The Washington Post
We designed the new icon to spark
Excitement and joy—nothing dark:
Look closer, belittler:
It’s really less Hitler
Than recently satisfied shark.