by Julia Griffin
“Wealthy residents of 432 Park Avenue have complained of leaks, malfunctions and wind sway—much to the delight of earthbound New Yorkers”
—The Guardian
Four
Thir
Ty
Two
Park
Av
E
Nue
O
Beys
The
Wind:
It
Sways
So
Thinn’d
Its
Out
Line
Slits
The
New
York
Sky.
Who
E
Ver
Fits
In
Side
Will
Try
To
Think
This
Slice
Of
Air
Is
Worth
The
Ask-
Ing
Price
Which
Is
The
Earth.
by Kevin Ahern
So Apple might make
A self-driving car,
Seeking new markets
And raising the bar,
Competing with Ford,
Mercedes and Lexus,
Targeting everyone
Driving perplexes.
One question I have
Concerns when it’s wrecked:
Will Apple’s new car
Have autocorrect?
by Paul Lander
It’s so damn cold that
People are hitting strip joints
To catch the clothing.
by Thomas DeFreitas
I think that I shall never sing
As beautifully as Carole King.
It’s now been half a century
Since she gave birth to Tapestry,
An album of such sway and groove,
I feel the earth begin to move!
Sunlight peeps through my clouds of grey
When Carole sings “So Far Away”;
And yes, my knees grow weak and bend
When she performs “You’ve Got a Friend.”
Fifty years old! Come, celebrate
This golden day. It’s not too late.
You’ve given joy amid much sorrow:
Ms. King, I’ll still love you tomorrow.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Herd immunity, also called community immunity, a state in which a large proportion of a population is able to repel an infectious disease… can be conferred through natural immunity, previous exposure to the disease, or vaccination.”
—Encyclopedia Britannica
The ones who never cease to breach
the mandates with impunity
will cease to matter when we reach
community immunity.
Although the mandates are mundane,
we know that their jejunity
will be forgotten when we gain
community immunity.
As vaccinations rise, we wait
for any opportunity
to one by one facilitate
community immunity.
They say that we’re divided, yet
we’ll form a kind of unity
when out of pluribus we get
community immunity.
by Dan Campion
“COVID-defying nun toasts 117th birthday with wine and prayer”
—AP
A toast to Sister André,
Who fends off ills and age
With vin rouge and her parlay
Avec Celestial Sage:
Our times need models fit for
Rebuilding virtues on.
My glass is raised, sweet Sister,
Dear André of Toulon!
by Iris Herriot
“San Diego man’s wallet lost in Antarctica turns up 53 years later
Paul Grisham forgot he lost it until rediscovery during demolition work at McMurdo base”
—The Guardian
McMurdo, ’68: I had a wallet, which I lost.
In sunny California our paths have just re-crossed.
In gratitude, I’ve had the moral thereupon embossed:
The bank accounts we freeze may providentially defrost.
by David Galef
“Rawiri Waititi, the co-leader of New Zealand’s Maori Party, was removed from Parliament
on Tuesday for wearing a traditional Maori pendant instead of the required necktie
which he said was ‘a colonial noose.'”
—The New York Times
The New Zealand parliament decided
that
All their members must wear
a cravat.
But what if a member’s
Maori?
Must he dress so
flowery?
The tie’s a hangup of colonial
abuse.
In short, no noose is
good noose.
by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
“Brexit: ‘Under-loved’ fish renamed for British tastes…
Megrim sole is to be sold as Cornish sole, with spider crab
being rebranded as Cornish King crab.”
—BBC
By any other name, no taste’s the same:
You can’t pretend it doesn’t matter if
A megrim sole is served with some alt. name—
No diner orders scaldfish or a whiff!
Yum-yum’s not what you’d say if your soufflé
Of seafood had a spider-crabby sound,
Though if the Cornish King crab’s your entrée,
How eagerly that selfsame dish is downed! …
Exporting’s now a megrim for the Brits.
Renaming megrim sole as Cornish sole
Not only makes it edible, but it’s
A way to make Brits love their seafood shoal! …
Marine cuisine served up as Cornish food
Ensures EU red tape can be eschewed!
by Nora Jay
“[Rosaleen] Norton eked out a modest living selling her art, and putting spells and hexes on people.
Her story has been captured in a new documentary …
The fascinating story of Norton’s life may have been lost had it not been for the commitment
of Sonia Bible to bring it to the screen.”
—The Guardian
Prudes and prigs were unforgiving,
Yet, for all you may have heard,
I eked out a modest living
(“Modest”’s an elastic word),
Painting demons of all sexes,
Holding trances, working spells,
Selling art and placing hexes
(Just on people, no one else).
On I eked, through law and libel,
Prayed to Pan each Hallowe’en,
And behold! A human Bible
Now promotes my word on screen.
by Ruth S. Baker
“’He expressly led you to believe that President Trump’s supporters believe that the president wanted … the cavalry ready for physical combat,’ Schoen said. ‘The problem is, the actual text is exactly the opposite. The tweeter promised to bring the Calvary, public display of Christ’s crucifixion, a central symbol of our Christian faith with her to the president’s speech, a symbol of faith, love and peace.’”
—Law and Crime Trial Network
To rid our land from salvery,
I swore I’d bring the Calvary!
The whole cursade went swimmily.
We’re planning a fascimile.
by Thomas DeFreitas
(To the tune of Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” theme)
Punxsutawney’s seen his shadow!
That means six more weeks of chill—
Stuck inside with Kimmel, Maddow,
Pringles, Netflix: what a thrill!
Icy gales and storms beleaguer;
Coffee’s guzzled by the vat.
All this cold stuff makes me eager
For the flowers of Easter, stat!
Philip, you’re a knavish rascal,
You’re a fiendish prankster, you:
Winter-woodchuck-Eddie-Haskell,
Bane of February Two!
Vernal-veto, hope-defeater,
Groundhog-gremlin, Imbolc-imp:
As I watch the thermo-meter,
Through a shivering Lent I limp!
Punxsy, old prognosticator,
With you I’ve a bone to pick:
Why must snowflakes linger later?
I want blossoms, super-quick!
Soon enough we’ll have soft breezes,
Green leaves, bright skies: all that’s great!
But how biting are the freezes
In this slow month’s twenty-eight!
by Alex Steelsmith
Although Tom Brady won nine conference championships for the Patriots, including three in the previous four years, they traded him to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This year Brady’s Bucs won the championship, while the Patriots had their worst season in 20 years. The Patriots’ trade has been called “the worst transaction in Boston sports history.” When the Bucs won, Brady was not only vindicated but also paid a $500,000 incentive.
Tampity champity
Brady the Quarterback,
leaving the Patriots
looking like schmucks,
furthered his legacy
uninterruptedly,
perfectly happy with
all his new Bucs.
by Julia Griffin
“Texas sorry after mistakenly sending emergency alert for cursed Chucky doll …
The message went out over the state’s Amber Alert system, which is blasted to people’s
mobile phones, usually to help find a missing child. It was sent three times.
It described the suspect as being called Chucky and listed him as a 28-year-old with red,
auburn hair, blue eyes who stood at 3ft 1in tall and weighed 16lbs. He was said to be wearing
blue denim overalls with a multi-colored striped long sleeve shirt and carrying a large knife—
matching his appearance in the films. His race was listed as ‘Other: Doll.’ …
The department issued a statement saying: ‘This alert is a result of a test malfunction.
We apologize for the confusion this may have caused and are diligently working
to ensure this does not happen again.’”
—The Guardian
Test malfunction. Do not panic:
No one’s going to be hurt;
That was just a non-satanic
False emergency alert.
We don’t know (which may be lucky)
How our wires got so crossed,
But we’re sure, regarding Chucky:
Some lost kids are better lost.
by James Hamby
“I was allowed to believe things that weren’t true.”
I never meant to cause such pain
But I was led astray—
I can’t be faulted for my brain
Nor for the words I say.
For several years I said “It’s fake!”
But now I say it’s not!
I’m sorry for my huge mistake
(But more that I got caught).